Deep Undercover
by ToniLOVESjolie
Summary: When natalie is offered a case of a lifetime will it prove to be too much for her to handle, especially when her new partner is FBI Agent John McBain, HEAVY Adult situations..
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

The station was quiet on this particular night as she thumbed through some files, half of the police station had already left but here she sat nearly midnight and she was sifting through a bunch of files, home really didnt offer much to her these day, hell it was quite depressing really, she'd rather stay at work..

Her cell phone began to ring as she sorted through the papers on her desk and she grabbed it, looking at it, she sighed as it continued to ring and she put it back down, just looking at it..

The person on the other line, well his name was Cristian Vega, local Artist and well the man with whom she had three dates with so far and one almost bedroom romp in which she stopped herself short, he had that look in his eye, the one she had seen many times before, now Natalie wasnt some egotistical bitch but she knew when a guy was falling for her, it happened more often than not but her life was too busy, she had too many things to do then worry about a relationship, they were overrated anyways, three dates tops and then she began with the excuses..

Natalie was a new rookie at the Lanview Police Department which meant the majority of her days were spent there looking through cold cases thanks to her uncle who happened to be the Commissioner, he felt she needed more knowledge before heading out to bust the bad guys, she hated it, sitting here like a no body when all the excitement was out there but she would do what she had to, in time it would pay off..

Her phone stopped ringing and she sighed, what excuse would it be this time, maybe a sudden case of amnesia that left her memory gone for the past month, she laughed to herself, she definitely was creative if nothing else but the sound of commotion outside her office got her attention, someone was yelling, apparently angry, it was a Friday night and alot of drunk and disorderlies would come through, she couldnt help herself as she got up and walked to her door, slightly opening it as she peeked out..

"I said your making a god damn mistake, wasting tax payers money when there are murderers and rapists on the loose!" a very tall, very muscular and well shirtless handcuffed man yelled as he was ushered into room but not before he looked in her direction, his piercing blue eyes staring into hers, she felt like a kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar and she quickly closed the door..

Bo had worked for the lanview police department for the last 20 years, he was chief of detectives for the last 10. He honestly had thought he had seen it all but what had took place tonight was one that baffled even him and now he had an irate man most likely tearing up his interogation room while Bo stood in his office, his heart racing as he waited for the rest of his computer screen to load, his eyes got wider and he immediately took off out of his office..

The man in the interogation room paced back and forth, his hands still cuffed, he was fuming mad, he taunted the officers that stood in there, he would have their jobs for this, the door opened and Bo walked in, he looked at the man then the officers..

"get these cuffs off of him" he said much to their surprise but they did as they were told, the man rubbed his wrists."Now get out" he ordered to the men, the man ran his hand through his long hair, he was frustrated and annoyed.."I dont know what to say" Bo began, it wasnt often that he was wrong about something..

"You can begin by giving me the badge numbers of those officers who barbarically dragged me in here, just wait till i speak to your superior" the man snapped.."you better hope and pray my case isnt blown to shit because of them"

"Agent McBain i offer not only my apologies but those of my Officers, if i would of known" Bo began, he knew that interferring with an on going investigation was one thing but crossing the Feds, well needless to say they could have his job..

"do you understand how long i have been working this case, how long i have been gaining the trust of those people and now.." he shook his head, there was no way in hell he was going to lose everything all because the local police department had to put their nose into his business..He had done this for too long, he was tired and he was so damn close, so close he could almost taste it!

"we had no idea Agent this i promise you, when my officers arrived on the scene of the crime" Bo began..

"There was no damn Crime! Just people enjoying their night out" he barked at Bo..

"But we recieved a call about a domestic disturbance" Bo felt like he was digging himself deeper, he knew his men had messed up big time...

" i do the job that your department cant do, and now because of the animals you have working here i have to clean up the mess they made and assure my customers that i run a safe establishment" he slammed his fists on the table..

"We will pay for any damages" Bo said apologetically..

"Just stay out of my way and i will stay out of yours" John walked to the door.."were done here" he left as Bo ran a hand through his hair..

Natalie was at her desk when she saw a shadowy figure walk by her window that faced the lobby, she jumped from her seat and looked out and caught the back of the man they had brought in earlier now leaving, she then saw her uncle who looked more than distressed slam his office door..Curiosity got the best of her as she got up and made her way to her Uncles office, she was close to Bo, maybe even more so than her real father who was usually too wrapped up in his own company to even pay her attention, she knocked lightly and when he didnt answer she just opened the door...

She had never seen her Uncle look so distressed, he had his head in his hands but he looked up at her surprised she was still there.."Its midnight Natalie, why are you still here" he said with a heavy sigh..

"Im just trying to get caught up" she lied as she closed his door..

"well its late you should go home and get some sleep" he ran a hand through his thin hair..

"is everything ok?" she asked with concern and yet it was more curiousity than anything..

"Now you know better than to ask me that Natalie" he began and she sighed...

"you dont always have to take the weight of the world on your shoulders" she said honestly, she had never known anyone as proud and dedicated as her uncle, he truly was her inspiration..

"yeah well it comes with the job, why are you really here Natalie shouldnt you be out enjoying a carefree night" he said as he looked at her, it was as if she lived in this damn place, bad enough he did but then again his marriage was falling apart, Nora his wife had filed for divorce yet again, they married three times and it was suppose too be third times a charm but instead it was a disaster..

"work first play later" she smiled and now he did too..

"Im really proud of you sweetheart, you know that right" he said honestly..

"You know that goes both ways" she grinned.."how are things at home" she asked softly, she knew that with Nora leaving him it was killing him more than he would ever say..

"Oh you know im good at being the eternal batchelor" he forced a smile as he stood up and yawned heavily..

"well if it means anything i think she is making a huge mistake" she said honestly and he smiled as he shook his head..

"Im gonna go kiddo, you should go too" he began to walk to his door but she ran up to him first and hugged him tight, he seemed to resist for a minute and then he hugged her back, it was as if he needed that hug.."get some rest" he said as he kissed her forehead..

"You too" she smiled as he walked off and she waited till he was out of sight and she ran around his desk and quickly thumbed through some files, now she wasnt one to snoop but hell she wanted to know what was going on with that man and why her uncle was so upset, she found nothing but then she glanced at his computer screen and saw a picture of the man from earlier, he was an FBI Agent it clearly stated, his name John McBain, she glanced down and saw his name written on a piece of paper an address was with it, she took the piece of paper and shoved it in her pocket..

"Caught ya red handed" a police office by the name of Brody Lovette said from behind her and she jumped..

"Holy crap you scared me Brody" she said nervously...

"i think its cute you always straighten up your uncles desk" he began and she felt a sense of relief wash over her..

"You know me, im a helper" she said with a nervous laugh as she tried to walk past him but he stood there, a grin on his face..

"so i was wondering if you would like to , i dunno maybe get a cup of coffee with me, tonight or tomorrow" he said a bit nervously as he kept his hands in his pockets, it wasnt shocking that Brody liked her, hell he would come around her office all day long and ask if she needed something, he was a nice guy and attractive too but one thing Natalie never did was mix business with pleasure and she definitely wouldnt date anyone from work..

"Im sorry but there is a rule about inter-office mingling" she shrugged her shoulders at him..

"something tells me that you dont always follow the rules" he smirked and he wasnt entirely wrong, before she had joined the police force she was well quite the handful but that was then this is now, she was way more mature now, some would say a bit too uptight..

"well today i am a rule follower, but feel free to try again tomorrow" she smiled as she walked past him..

"Your gonna be the death of me" he called out and laughed and she took off for home, she had an address to look up..

Meanwhile just outside of Lanview in a club called Viper stood one John Mcbain, the place was empty now and needless to say trashed, no thanks to the local police department, he was still very much pissed as he walked to his office and grabbed a bottle of scotch and took a hearty sip from it..

He had been running this club for two years now, two years of this life was enough for anyone but he was so close and he hoped that after tonight it wasnt going to be a complete bust..

He had been working on this case for almost four years now, it started back in Atlantic City, women had gone missing and rumor had it that a local man by the name of Carlo Hesser who was notroriously known for his life of crime had been setting up a side job of sorts, one that could go nearly undetected but illegal none the less, it was the underground world of sex trafficking or human trafficking as it was called, women and or men sold to the highest bidder, most of them came from bondage clubs where they would be trained to submit and then auctioned off to very wealthy men or women..

There was alot of money to be had in this game, alot of money, dirty money..Carlo always kept his hands clean and he walked out in the open with his head held high but a few years ago John had gotten a lead, one that lead him to believe that Carlo would seem to be one of the largest traffickers in the world, he would send his men out to different clubs all over the world scouting out for his next prize and these unsuspecting, already broken women had no idea what hit them until it was too late..

John was perfect for the case, he was a single man, no outside responsibilities to keep him from his work and so he opened a club right outside of Lanview Pennsylvania, it had started off slow, gaining the trust of local BDSM population was hard to come by, privacy was huge but slowly he began to gain respect and he had even been in contact with a few of Carlo's men but this was a long process one that needed alot of convincing, Carlo wasnt a stupid man.

So John worked here day in and day out, it became his life, it had too if he was going to pull this off, in the beginning he found it incredibly hard but as time went by it came as easy as breathing but he still didnt have what he needed, Carlo was picky with his woman and John hadnt been given an offer yet but he was so close, he just needed the right woman to peak Carlo's interest, they had tried a few undercover female agents but to no avail when it came down to it, this lifestyle had been too much for them and so John waited, he knew that one day she would walk through his doors and when she did it would be game over..

Natalie sat curled up in her bed, her laptop on her lap as she googled the address, something had happened with her uncle today, something with that man, the FBI agent, her mind went wild with ideas, she always loved the idea of undercover work and maybe that is what this guy was up to, she had to know, the excitement of the unknown was digging at her, a few links pulled up on her computer, one was a website she click on it as her eyes grew wide..Club Viper, find your inner beast!

Natalie felt flushed as she clicked on the different links on the page, it lead her to various pictures and videos of the club in action, she felt like a child finding their first playboy magazine, she swallowed hard as she clicked on pictures, ones in which she didnt even know could be physically possible and then she saw him again, in one picture, standing with a shit eating grin on his face as he stood, arms crossed over his large chest, a whip dangling in his hand, she felt her face get even more flushed..He was a very sexy man, maybe too sexy and for an FBI agent she was shocked, is build was that of a model, he was tone, tanned, sported a few tattoos, his hair long and unkempt, his facial hair just enough to add that extra spice and his eyes piercing as the night sky, the bluest she had ever seen, she was sure the picture was photoshopped to tell, cause aint no man looked that good!

The website was for a BDSM club, that man from earlier was running it but he was FBI, a smile curved her lips as she looked; this was a case like an actual undercover FBI case, the excitement of her findings was almost more than she could take, god what she would do to be able to be Undercover, then she thought back to her Uncle and how upset he had been, apparently something had gone down, and anyone who worked in law enforcement knew not to cross the Feds but how amazing would it be to work with the feds, that would definitely give her the boost she needed, hell she would be the most respected woman at the Lanview Police Department, her mind began spinning with ideas..

Why was the FBI involved with a BDSM club? She hadnt heard of any recent murders involving BDSM clubs but then something came into her mind, a coldcase she had read a few weeks back about a woman who had gone missing, it had said she frequented fetish clubs, natalie's eyes got wide as the realization hit her, this is just what she needed...

Natalie could barely sleep that night with the ideas swirling in her red head, she got ready for work bright and early and headed to the station, she had cases to look up..

It took her almost an hour to find the file she needed, her desk was a mess and she made a mental note to clean her office one day soon, she flipped through the pages, the womans name was Brenda Blanchard, she was in her mid-twenties, an aspiring dancer who was reguarly attending Art School in Lanview about three years ago, she was an attractive woman, dark brown hair, golden eyes and a big smile on her face as she stood next to someone who Natalie could only assume was her boyfriend at the time, she made a note to write his name down.. She continued to read on, alot of what was in the report was her families account of the last time they saw her including her boyfriend who for some time was a key suspect in her disappearance but no charges ever filed against him, the boyfriend claimed that she had begun to act distant right before she went missing and the night of her disappearance they had had a fight and she had left, he had followed her in his car, worried for her safety as she had been drinking and he said she pulled up to a club a few towns over, curiosity got the best of him and he followed her inside without her knowing, what he recounts is that it was a sex club of sorts, a fight insued when she saw he had followed her and thats when he had gotten promptly kicked out, he never heard from her again after that..

The local police had investigated but found no foul play inside the club, she got tossed aside with all the other cold case files, Natalie leaned back in her chair and sighed, did the FBI know something that the Lanview Police department hadnt, she looked at the name of the boyfriend again Brandon Cruz, she immediately pulled up the departments locator program and typed in his name, she jotted down the address on a piece of paper, a knock at her door startled her as she immediately clicked off of the screen and shoved the file under another one..

"come in" she said quickly as she tried to look busy, a smiling Brody walked in, two cups of coffee in hand..

"i thought if i cant get you to come out for coffee maybe i can bring it to you" he grinned as he placed a cup on her desk..

She was grateful for the hot liquid, with all the excitement this morning she hadnt even had her usual morning coffee.."thanks" she said as she sipped it..

"so" Brody began as he stood nervously..

"so" she repeatede what he said as she sipped her coffee..."um i dont mean to be rude Brody but i am kind of in the middle of something" she finally spoke..

"sure, its fine, i just wanted to bring you some coffee" he said with a bit of disappointment in his voice, she was anxious for him to leave cause she was about to leave herself and track down this lead..

"well its great coffee" she said with a smile...

"Ok, well..." he fidgeted some and she fought the urge to yell at him to just leave already.."I will see you around" he finally said and she felt relief wash over her as she smiled..

"Ok" she said quickly and then he left and she glanced at the address again, it was only about 20 minutes away and sure it was only about 8 am now but oh well, she watched for Brody as he headed down the hall then she grabbed her purse and quietly headed out...

Natalie took the twenty minute drive which had her heading up Lantano Mountain, she was very familiar with this area as she spent most of her teen years up at the lake with her friends, the house was secluded and a long dirt driveway lead the way up to a log cabin, she suddenly felt her nerves get the best of her as she sat in her car, this place was a little creepy and not one car was in sight, she silently cursed herself for not calling first, she didnt want a wasted trip, she glanced out the windows at the house, it looked fairly new, she saw a beware of dog sign and she swallowed hard, the sound of pounding on her drivers side window nearly gave her a heart attack as a small yelp left her mouth, and there stood a guy maybe early 30's, a full beard, flannel jacket, hell he looked like stepped out of some lumerjack commercial but he didnt look too pleased to see her, she immediately rolled down her car window..It was definitely the guy from the picture just a little more worn looking..

"are you lost or something" he said with a bit of attitude to his voice.."i dont like trespassers"

"Oh im not a trespasser, im a detective with the lanview police department" she lied, but it was only a small lie, she did work for the police department but not quite yet a detective..She could see the look of suspicion on his face, she took out her badge and showed it to him, he looked at it then at her..

"whats this about, i keep to myself, i dont bother no one" he began to get defensive and she knew she wouldnt get anywhere with him if he was upset, she would have to use her charm...

"Oh thats not why i am here, actually i came to ask you a few questions about Brenda" she began and his eyes got wide..

"i said all i am gonna say, why dont you people just leave me alone" he snapped at her and she swallowed hard, apparently she wasnt using a good angle, she began to open the door as a barking dog could be heard, she froze as she looked at him and then from around the corner came the smallest dog she had ever seen but his bark was that of a pitbull.

"cute dog" she smiled as she got out and the dog continued to bark..

The man leaned down and picked up the dog.."i said i aint got nothing else to say" he began and she brought her attention elsewhere..

"your land is beautiful, and your house is wonderful did you build it yourself" she ignored his hostile behaviour.."is it Oak?" she asked and he looked at her a bit surprised, the fact that her family had a log cabin was definitely helping in this situation, her grandfather use to tell her the story of how he built it, actually she was quite knowledgable about log cabins..."No, its Englewood" she smiled as she walked past him..

"You know your lumber" he said impressed as he walked up to her..

"Its a great style, how long did it take you to build it?" she made small talk, enough to make him feel comfortable..

"A little under a year, still building onto it" he began to lighten up some as he held his dog..

"Thats what i love about log cabins you can continuously build on" she smiled at him..

"would you like to see the inside" he said as he walked to the door..

"I would love to" she grinned, hook line and sinker she thought to herself as she stepped inside..

Inside the log house was just as beautiful as the outside, the ceilings were vaulted, a huge fireplace off on the far wall of the great room which was open to an equally grand kitchen, the windows were triangular and the sunlight poured in, actually it was breath taking..

"You did an amazing job" she said honestly as he put the dog down and it came over and sniffed Natalie's foot, she leaned down and pet it as he walked into the kitchen..

"Would you like a drink?" he asked as he grabbed a cup of coffee and looked at her..

"yes please" she said as she finished petting the dog and she stood again and began walking around, the place also had antique like furniture, her late grandfather would of loved this..

"I didnt catch your name" he said as he neared her, a cup of coffee in hand..

"Natalie" she said with a smile as she took the cup of coffee..

"Listen Natalie i have told the police all i know and the feds as well" he began and her eyes got wide as she sipped her coffee..

"The feds, what did they want" she tried to be nonchalant..

"I dont know really, they kept asking me if she had any contact with a man named Carlo something or another, oh Hesser, Carlo Hesser, i explained to them that i had no idea she was frequenting these clubs on a regular basis" his voice got somber.."i trusted her, i... i loved her" he had sadness in his dark eyes, Natalie felt bad for this guy, it had to be incredibly hard to find out the woman he loved was living a secret life.." but oh well now i live out here, i enjoy the nature and my solitude" he forced a smile...

They sat and talked for about another 30 minutes or so, mainly about the cabin and all the work he had put into it, he wasnt a bad guy, he seemed lonely and she felt bad for him, he had been through alot. He smiled alot as he talked to her, and he showed her pictures he had taken around the property, apparently he was an aspiring photographer and a pretty damn good one, after another cup of coffee she finally got up, she couldnt stay there all day she had work to do...

"well i dont want to take up any more of your time Brandon, i really do appreciate you talking to me and the coffee was wonderful" she smiled..

"You know i am not one for company Natalie but" he smiled some.."Your more than welcome to come anytime"

"i will definitely keep that in mind" she said as she left, her mind swimming with more thoughts and one thing she knew she was gonna have to find out is who the heck Carlo Hesser was and why the FBI was involved with this..

Natalie got back to the office quickly and began to make her way to her office but she stopped short when she glanced at her Uncles door cause there stood that same FBI Agent, this time he was fully dressed in a dark blue silk dress shirt and black slacks, equally black shoes on his feet, they seem to be in deep conversation and curiosity got the best of her as she slowly neared herself to the door, pretending to be looking through papers that sat on the receptionist desk..

"i think its only fair that you offer me one of your detectives" he spoke as he looked at Bo..

"I just dont know if i have anyone that can do that particular job" Bo said honestly as he looked at this man, he was literally asking Bo to hand over one of his own undercover detectives to use as bait for his BDSM club, it definitely didnt sit well with him..

John was literally at his wits end here, he needed to get someone and fast, he was tired of waiting and since the FBI had gone through their best agents already with this case, well now he was here at the lanview police station on the hunt for the perfect bait..

"im not asking alot commissioner considering the grief your station gave me yesterday, all i need is someone that can be easily taught, maybe a week or two tops, im sure you have someone here i can borrow" he said as he leaned on the frame of the door..

"i just dont feel very comfortable sending one of my officers out there this isnt your run of the mill case, the convincing i would have to do" Bo said honestly and John ran his hand through his long hair..

"well up until yesterday i had someone but with all the commotion your men started at the club, well lets just say you scared her off" John lied.."i guess i will just have to call my superior and explain to him what happened, he wont be happy" he watched as Bo's eyes got wide, sure he was lying but he needed this..

"well i dont think we need to go that far" Bo began as Natalie easedropped, she was leaning back some as she listened, her heart racing, this was a chance of a lifetime..

"well then i am hoping we can come to an agreement" John began as a thud was heard and Natalie hit the back of the wall, apparently her stretching to hear had caused the chair she was resting her arm on to move and she nearly crashed to the ground, Bo jumped up and John looked outside the door as Natalie scrambled to pick up the papers, she was completely embarassed..John looked at the girl as she picked up the papers, she was attractive; dressed in a simple pants suit but her body told another story, she didnt look like a police officer which was perfect and she looked up at him and smiled nervously as she stood.."thats her, thats the girl i have been looking for" he said as he pointed at Natalie and Bo's eyes got wide as well as Natalies..

"oh...no... she's not even a detective" Bo began to say with a nervous laugh but John ignored him and walked up to Natalie..

"whats your name" he asked as he looked her up and down..

"Natalie Buchanan" she swallowed the lump in her throat, he was even more handsome up close and personal, she put her hand out..

He shook it.."John McBain FBI, I have the opportunity of a lifetime for you"

She smiled big, honestly he could of said anything at that point and she would of agreed, how could she not, his voice was just as sexy as the rest of him..

"Agent Mcbain she is not even a detective yet, still a rookie" Bo began as he walked out of the room, he looked scared as hell as he looked at Natalie..

"thats ok, she's what i need" he said bluntly as he looked her over, Natalie flushed slightly, unable to speak, he was checking her out openly and he said he needed her, this was a dream come true..

This girl had an innocence about her, something that told him she would be incredibly easy to mold, and by the nervous smile on her face, well she would be puddy in his hands plus she was definitely easy on the eyes..

"she doesnt even have any experience, and this case i mean" bo began to make numerous excuses as John continued to look at her..

"i know it has to do with fetish clubs and women who went missing" she blurted out as her uncles eyes got wide as did Johns..

"continue" John said with amusement, Bo looked like he was about to kill her but she ignored his stare, she looked at John..

"I know that there is a connection with a man named Carlo Hesser" she threw that in there and John smiled big as he looked at Bo..

"This girl definitely knows her stuff" he said towards Bo then he looked back at Natalie.."how did you find all of this out"

Natalie looked at her Uncle and then at John.."i was going through cold case files and i ran across one on Brenda Blanchard" she said with a smile.."it interested me and i did some research and spoke to her boyfriend" she didnt even look at Bo now cause he had a look on his face as if he wanted to kick his own ass for giving her cold cases to go through..

"Impressive" John grinned.."how would you feel about being my submissive" he raised an eyebrow..

"Yes" she said quickly too quickly cause Bo was answering at the same time..

"Absolutely not" he said quickly as John looked at him.."i dont think you understand who her parents are, her father which is my brother would have my head" Bo began as he shook his head...

"I am more than capable of taking care of myself" natalie blurted out, she didnt want her uncle to ruin this for her..

"well then in all honesty commissioner you shouldnt tell them, i mean this is undercover work and i think that the fact that she is a Buchanan would work nicely" he said honestly..

"i dont feel comfortable with this" Bo said as he shook his head.."i will find you someone" he said quickly..

"but i want to do this" natalie snapped, she didnt care that she sounded like a whiny child, John grinned, apparently he found this all too amusing..

"do you mind if i have a word with my neice in private" Bo began to say as Natalie sighed, she knew what this meant, she felt like a kid being sent to the principals office, how embarassing..

John reached in his pocket and pulled out a card.."here give me a call when you both sort this out" he said with a smile and she blushed and smiled back..

"ok" she said like a school girl with a crush, he began to walk away as she watched him, damn his backside was as nice as the front..

Bo cleared his throat loud making her turn her head as she flushed with embarassment for oogling this guy.."in my office" he said sternly and she sighed and stepped inside, she knew this wouldnt be good..


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Her Uncle didnt hide his anger as he spoke to her.."what the hell are you thinking Natalie"

"i was thinking it would be nice to get out there and come out from behind my desk, i can do this Uncle Bo" she nearly pleaded with him..

"Im the one who decides when your ready and this case, No, Absolutely Not" he was fuming cause not only had she put him in this horrible situation of being the bad guy but he knew that the FBI Agent would be on his ass now..

"I can do it, I can, I already did some research and i met with Brandon" she began as her Uncle shook his head in disbelief...

"do you know how incredibly dangerous and irresponsible it was for you to do that, everything goes through me first, EVERYTHING" he barked at her..

"i dont know why your so mad, i thought you would be happy that i took the innitative" she said honestly...

"I am Natalie, you dont even know how proud i am of you but this, this was not part of the deal" he lowered his voice as he looked at her..

"But im tired of sitting behind the desk and you heard him, he could use me" she began..

"exactlly, thats what the feds do they use people Natalie, dont you see that, this is way too dangerous for a rookie to do and for my neice no less, i will not have you subjected to what happens in that club" he said sternly..

Natalie hung her head.."why cant i just try and if it doesnt work out" she began to say..

He cut her off.."No, end of story"

"But" she said as she looked at him, she literally felt like he was shooting down her dreams..

"But nothing, you work on the cases i give you and nothing more understand" he stared right at her.."Maybe in a few weeks i will let you go on patrol with Brody" he said softer this time and she fought the urge to roll her eyes at him,she didnt want to go on no damn patrol with Brody she wanted to do this case.."Natalie one day you will understand" he began as she stood up..."there is plenty of other things you can do around here"

She couldnt say anything as she stood there, honestly she wanted to cry or atleast stomp her feet like a child that doesnt get her way..He walked up to her and hugged her but she just stood there..."i know your upset but its for the best ok" he said softly as he hugged her, she didnt answer..."But i do need his card" he said as he pulled back, she couldnt believe this, he looked at her hand that still held the card, she looked at it too, she huffed and handed it to him.."why dont you take the rest of the day off, its beautiful outside, go meet up with your friends" he began..

"fine" she said coldly, she didnt want to hang out with her friends, hell the only friend she did have was her brother Rex's girlfriend Gigi, right now she just wanted to be alone..

"I'll see you tomorrow, bright and early" Bo smiled at her and she turned from him and left, she was upset and defeated, she just wanted to go home and drink herself to sleep..

Natalie didnt find much peace when she got home, it was just a constant reminder of how she didnt have a life, she was 22 years old, hell most of the girls her age were living it up in college and having a good time, she could of taken that route but she thought against it, she had done enough partying in her teen years and so she did what she felt was the mature route and join the police force, she use to visit her uncle there as a child, she looked up to him, she wanted to be just like him and so she followed in his footsteps only to be told she had to do desk work, she hated it, she hated that no one took her seriously, she might as well be the crazy college student..

Her sister jessica was just that, the crazy college girl, she got in trouble left and right and had the Buchanan name in the papers so much that her father literally sent her to London, offering her a job at the families newspaper there, natalie gets offered nothing and has to work twice as hard, she huffed as she sat down on the couch..

It was times like these that having a guy around wouldnt of been a bad idea, he could of reassured her that everything would work out, then they could of ate take out, drank back a few beers and made love all night till nothing else mattered but with relationships came other issues, she had tried it a few times, all ended badly, guys her age wanted one thing and that was about it, so she steered clear of them..

But then there was Cris, Gigi had pushed her to hang out with him and she did have a good time,he was a sweet guy and mature but he was already trying to monopolize her time and she didnt like that, maybe she was just too damn picky..

She picked at the chinese food she bought, that and a beer to wash it down as she sat curled up on her couch watching old episodes of NCIS, wishing she could be like them but no, she was just stupid young niave Natalie she thought to herself as she got up to grab another beer..

Her phone began to ring as she neared the kitchen and she sighed as she walked over to it, if it was Cris calling again she was gonna scream, but the number read private, she sighed again and contemplated answering it, she assumed it was a telemarketer and she walked away as the ringing stopped...

With another beer in hand she headed back to the couch but before she sat her phone yet again rang, private number again this time she answered.

"hello" she said with a bit of annoyance, waiting to be bombarded with some kind of credit card offer..

"You are a hard person to get a hold of Natalie Buchanan" a male voice said on the other end of the line but she recognized that voice and her heart began to race, it was the FBI agent.."hello?" he spoke again..

"Hi im here" she said quickly

"well then i take it you know who this is" he began and she almost laughed, of course she did, he was the hottest FBI agent she had ever seen, he spoke before she could.."so what kind of agreement did you and your uncle come up with"

Natalie didnt answer for a second, she was embarassed.."Ummm yeah about that" she didnt want to tell him that her Uncle out right refused she have anything to do with it, god she felt like such a child..

"He said No" he cut her off...

"Yeah" she said low, she wanted to die..

"well thats too bad, i didnt want to have to go behind his back" he said and she perked up some, was this guy for real, he was still gonna ask for her help, she was beyond flattered..

"Huh" was all she could respond with, she definitely wasnt expecting him to say that..

"well i mean unless your having second thoughts about doing this" he began and she sat up more..

"No, im not" she said quickly, maybe too much enthusiasm behind it, she shook her head in embarassment...

"thats what i was hoping to hear, can you meet me in say 30 minutes or so" she thought she would die as she sat there, her heart was pounding heavily in her chest..

"sure" she squeaked out, this was the most excitement she had ever had and she was gonna be meeting up with a gorgeous agent, she thought she had died and gone to heaven...

"there's a little bar outside of Lanview, its called Shooters" he began as he gave her the address and she quickly jotted it down on a piece of paper..

"Ok i got it" she said as she swallowed the lump in her throat..

"good, see you in 30" he said as he hung up and she held the phone for another second before she began jumping around and dancing with excitement..

The excitement quickly wore off when she realized that she had no idea what to wear and she had to take a shower and get ready, as well as meet him in 30 minutes, she took of running for the bathroom, damn near tripping over herself..

She took the worlds fastest shower and then began tearing everything out of closet, she wasnt use to going out very often and her closet now held alot of business suits for work, not to mention your run of the mill jeans and tshirts,no she couldnt wear those, she had to impress him, she tossed things left and right until she came upon a denim skirt she hadnt worn in years, it was perfect just the right length and sexy as hell, she tossed around shirts and stopped at a low cut tunic top with a plunging neck line, black silk she smiled as she grabbed that and then rummaged through her collection of shoes, stopping as she pulled out her black leather calf high boots that screamed she could be reckless if she wanted to..

With a quick coat of makeup, her hair pulled back in a pony tail but a hint of a side bang she smiled at herself in the mirror, she looked hot! She glanced at the clock and she quickly took off running, she had less than 10 minutes to get to the bar..

John sat at the bar drinking back a beer, she was late and part of him was wondering if this was a good idea, she was a young kid practically and from what he saw of her file that he had sent to him via email, she had been quite the reckless teenager, honestly he had assumed if it wasnt for her Buchanan name and ties to the Commissioner she wouldnt of made it into the police department..

He had dealt with young officers before and frankly he had no patience with them, not that he was old himself, he was 35 but enough experience to make him feel that much older..He had gone right into the Marines after highschool, he spent four years in before he was contacted by the Special Ops and recruited, another four years there and then after a long stay in Afghanastan he was contacted personally by the Director of the FBI, nearly 10 years he had been with them, he was one of their top agents and well at the age of 35 he was quickly becoming burned out, he never married even though he had been engaged a long while back, that ended in disaster when he found his best friend at the time Connor in bed with his fiancee Caitlin, needless to say he buried himself in his work after that, making no time for relationships but sex was another matter, that he enjoyed to the fullest and it wasnt hard especially with the field he worked in but he never got attached, sex was sex and nothing more and it would say that way.

By his third beer he was fully frustrated and just about to leave when he heard the door to the bar open and he glanced in that direction, what he saw he wasnt expecting cause there she was, definitely not the same girl he had met earlier dressed completely professional, no this woman was the definition of sex appeal, for a second he literally thought his eyes were playing tricks on him as he watched her walk in, her eyes scanning the place until they landed on him...

Natalie was beyond nervous as she got to the bar and not to mention late, she honestly didnt know if he would be there or not but as she entered and looked around there he was, at the bar and his eyes were tearing into her, she felt flushed as she walked over to him, the way he looked at her, she was sure that in the dictionary under the definition bedroom eyes she could see his picture, she prayed she wouldnt trip and fall as she walked, trying to remain calm even though inside she was hyperventilating..

John stood as she neared, the very sight of her dressed like that made his manhood press and throb against his pants..

"Im sorry im late, traffic was a bitch" she said nervously as she got up to him..

He looked her up and down, grinning.."if this is what being late looks like then you should be late more often" she smiled nervously, she definitely wasnt use to someone being so openly flirtacious with her and especially someone in this mans league.."what do you want to drink?" he asked before she could respond to him..

"A beer would be good" she swallowed hard and he quickly ordered a pitcher of beer, apparently he didnt see this night ending any time soon, the excitement in her was bursting at the seems, she went to take a seat but he shook his head..

"lets take this somewhere more private so we can talk" he said as he grabbed the pitcher of beer, she grabbed the glasses and followed him as he walked, he found a table off to the side, secluded, she was shaking at this point as he waited for her to sit and then he sat across from her and began pouring them each a glass..His eyes kept darting to her ample cleavage, he literally thought he may burst through his pants, it had been quite some time since he saw a body like this on a woman her age..

Natalie nervously sipped her beer, she couldnt believe she was actually sitting here with this guy..

"so you said you went and visited Brandon, im sure that was quite the visit, is he still living in the woods" he said a bit sarcastically..

"It wasnt so bad, the inside of his house was really nice" she sipped her beer and he did a double take..

"he actually let you inside?" he began to say and then he smiled.." of course he would, look at you"

"he was actually really nice, i ...i felt bad for him" she began and John now rolled his eyes, he remembered Brandon and the guy was nothing but a dick to him..

"i dont think were talking about the same person then, he would barely let me near the house much less talk to me, actually i think we ended the conversation with him threatening to shoot me" John sipped his beer..

"oh" Natalie said quickly..."he was very nice to me"

"so tell me what exactlly do you know about this lifestyle?" he asked with a smile..

She fidgeted some in her seat.."Umm i know that your either Submissive or Dominant" she began and he shook his head no..

"let me stop you there, have you ever been to one of these clubs" he said quickly but he already knew the answer..

"Umm i have seen them online" she began nervously, suddenly she felt like she knew nothing about any of this, its hard to fake your way through something when you had no idea what your talking about..

"online?" he raised an eyebrow.."i want you to be honest, im not testing you"

Natalie took a hearty sip of her drink..." i havent been to anything like that" she said low, she felt embarassed and she cast her eyes down from him, he was gonna make her leave she just knew it..

"ok i can work with that, actually its even better cause you dont have any habits formed" he began and she looked up at him, kind of shocked by his words, he wasnt going to send her home.."are you comfortable with getting half naked, or naked and having half naked people around you?"

She felt like her eyes were going to pop out of her head.."huh?"

"Ok so we have a few things to work on" he was thinking aloud and she was suddenly feeling sick.."I say we get started as soon as possible" he finally smiled at her but she looked white as a ghost.."dont worry Natalie i will explain everything as we go along but were definitely gonna need some time, a few days atleast to work on some things before i can actually have you around my people" She was barely hearing him as he spoke all she kept thinking of was having to get naked in front of people.."do you have any vacation time at work?"

She snapped out of her thoughts and took another hearty sip.."vacation time, umm yeah, why?"she kept telling herself that she could do this, if she wanted to be a undercover cop then she would have to do this, she had to..

"i need you to take it, i dunno tell your uncle you need some 'you ' time or something, that way we wont have any distractions" he was so matter of factly she just nodded her head."do you feel overwhelmed?"

"nope" she could barely get the words out, he leaned over the table some..

"honesty, remember" he grinned at her..

"Ok a little" she squeaked out..

"thats better, remember im not the bad guy here, you need to trust me ok" he lightly touched her hand and she smiled nervously.."enough about that for right now, what do you say we play a game of pool"

She was glad to be off this subject for now and gratefully said "Yes..now that i can do"

He looked a bit surprised at her.."Oh really now your definitely gonna have to show me" he said as he finished off his beer and stood up, she quickly finished hers as she stood, he poured them each another glass.."Lets see what you got" he grinned as he began walking to the pool table, she took a deep breath and reassured herself again that she could do this, and then she followed him to the pool table..

John watched in amazement as she damn near cleared the table by herself, she was good, damn good and it was like she wasnt even trying.."you have quite the control with that stick, you've played before, im guessing tournaments" he raised an eyebrow and she smiled proudly, he was impressed with her, this was good..

"a few, possibly" she began to get a little flirty as the alcohol did its job..

She was definitely easing up towards him, he could see the alcohol was helping things along, he leaned over the table to make a shot.."its too bad though" he began to say as he lined up his shot and he glanced at her..."i would of loved to give you a pool lesson" he winked at her and she thought she would die, he made his shot and sunk the ball.."so you think your ready for another drink" he glanced at the empty pitcher..

"Sure, how about a vodka shot" she said and he nearly scratched as he looked up at her shocked..

""going heavy, i like it, why dont you make it two" he grinned and walked around the table, aiming his ball again..

"Ok" she said as she walked to the bar, she was smiling huge now, he was flirting wiht her, like really flirting..She quickly ordered a shot and drank it quick and then ordered two more and began walking back with them,he shook his head as he looked at her..

"you know i saw that" he grinned as he took the shot from her but he let his fingers graze hers for a second, and she swallowed hard.."Bottoms up" he said as he stared at her and they both took the shot..

Those shots led into another set, then another and before they knew it the table was full of shot glasses, needless to say both of them were quite drunk, they now moved over to a booth and he scooted in and when she went to sit she almost fell but he reached out and grabbed her arm, pulling her somewhat on his lap..

"i am so sorry" she laughed drunkingly...

"Oh im definitely not complaining" he grinned as he moved some of her hair aside from her neck, his other hand was lightly rubbing her thigh and then she felt it, his hot tongue grazed her neck and she couldnt help the slight moan that left her mouth..With a heavily raspy voice he whispered.."what do you say we get out of here" all she could do was nod yes and then they were heading outside, he held onto her arm so she wouldnt fall as she looked at her car..

"My car is over there" she began and he shook his head..

"uh uh, dont you know that drinking and driving is illegal" he grinned at her and she turned red, of course she did she was a cop, she felt embarassed.."good thing my place is just up the road, we can walk"

"Ok" she swallowed hard as he looked at her and then he was pushing her back against the bar as his mouth savagely attacked hers, she couldnt think much less breath, he kissed unlike any guy she had ever been with, to say she was turned on would of been an understatement..

John pulled back, panting slightly as he looked at her now swollen lips, she tasted just as good as he thought she would.."come on" he said as he quickly walked with her down the road, he wanted her something fierce, literally every step he took was making his manhood hurt, she kept smiling at him as they neared his house, it was just up the road, tonight he would do things to her that she only dreamed of..

Natalie felt butterflies fill her stomach, she was nervous as hell, he was oozing sex and the more she thought about it the more scared she was, see he didnt know but she was a virgin and the anxiety was getting to her, they approached a very nice two story house, it was dark so she couldnt fully see it plus the alcohol was racing through her system and well needless to say as soon as he opened the door he grabbed her and pinned her against the wall, his hands cupping her breasts and then moving up her skirt, so much was happening at once that she couldnt concentrate on one thing, all she kept thinking was it was finally going to happen and with him..

He pulled back from her mouth and licked his lips, then he was unbuttoning his silk shirt, then tossing it aside as she looked at him, he was beyond beautiful, he enjoyed the way she looked at him, he quickly reached for her shirt, pulling it quickly over her head as he took in the sight of her red silky bra, it barely contained her breasts, he growled as he pulled her waist against him and kissed her again..

He couldnt wait much longer, he was already leaking against his boxer briefs and his cock was painfully hard, he spun her around, pushing her flush against the wall as she gasped,her mind was spinning with fear and excitement, he yanked her skirt up and pulled her panties down and then she heard his zipper, suddenly she began to silently freak out, this was all happening too fast and then he yanked her hips back and she felt it, his penis, she couldnt see it but she could feel its thick and heavy presence rubbing against her ass, he had his mouth on the back of her neck, licking her, nipping at her and then in one piercing, nearly blinding experience she felt him thrust up into her and for a second she thought she would die, like literally die from the pain coursing in her body, she fell limp against the wall as he groaned out in sheer pleasure unaware of what just took place, and unaware of the tears now covering her cheeks, he thrust again, each time harder and harder, she felt fucking amazing and the sounds she made he mistaken for moans but they were cries of pain, he reached in front of her and grabbed her breasts and she literally thought she would pass out, her mind was swimming and the pain wasn't letting up..

"ah fuck you feel so fucking good, so fucking tight" he groaned as he fucked her hard and the pain was so unbearable that she couldnt even make a sound now as tears flooded her face.."god your so wet, im gonna fucking cum" he yelled out, almost in a primal kind of way and then he was pulling out of her body as he came on her ass, her legs barely held her up as she used her hands to sturdy herself, it was dark inside his house, just a lamp on at the far side of the room, she leaned her head against the wall, sobbing now as he leaned into her back, still unaware.."that was fucking amazing" he said honestly as he looked at her, her legs wobbily, he grinned proudly at a job well done, but then he heard something and it wasnt a sound he was use to, it sounded like she was crying, he moved his hand to her face and thats when he saw it, blood on his hands, in horror he looked down and saw blood covering his still pulsating manhood, he backed up from her in fear as reality quickly came crashing in.."Jesus Natalie, ah shit..." he said almost panicking as he stood there, she had blood trailing down her legs as she stood there, leaning on the wall, he didnt know what to do..

Natalie snapped back into reality, his hands were trailing up her skirt now and the images in her head of what this could end up like freaked her out, she pushed him back, breathing heavy as was he..

"im sorry,...I cant" she said a bit breathless and he saw something cross her face, it was fear and he backed up some..Natalie was embarassed, here she was with this drop dead gorgeous man and she was pushing him off of her..

John didnt really know what to think, he never had anyone make him stop before, the situation began to sober both of them as they stood there uncomfortably..

"can i get a drink of water or something" she said with embarassment, she hated that she couldnt go through with this and he looked uncomfortable standing there..

"yeah, sure...water" he said as he walked past her and into the kitchen, he couldnt understand what the hell had happened..He felt awkward as hell as he stood in the kitchen, why would she look so scared, he couldnt under stand and then something went off in his head, he had seen that look one other time, it was when he was 16 years old, him and his girlfriend at the time had decided to have sex and she had been a virgin, she had that same scared look on her face, suddenly his legs felt very heavy as he stood there, was she a virgin..

Natalie was sitting on the couch now, her hands in her lap, she was trying to come up with excuses as she sat there, she didnt want him to think she was just some kid, god how she hated that she didnt lose her virginity yet, he came walking back into the livingroom, cup of water in hand as he handed it to her and she took a sip, he studied her more..

"are you a virgin?" he asked bluntly and she looked at him shocked, how did he know, she began to panic.

"No... of course not" she said but apparently he could see through her lies as he took a seat across from her and ran his hand through his hair..

"Jesus Natalie i could of hurt you" he said as the realization of what he could of done to her hit him, cause he wouldnt of been gentle with her..

"this is so embarassing" she covered her face, she literally wanted to cry.."im sorry"

"dont apologize to me, thank god you stopped me, i mean i would of" the idea literally made his stomach turn, he had almost savagely taken her virginity without knowing it, he felt like a piece of shit for even trying, she wasnt like the other woman he had fucked in the past, she was 22 years old and here he was like the perverted old man, John felt his stomach jump again and this time he stood up, he was really gonna throw up, natalie looked up at him, he looked pale and then he took off running, holding his mouth as she heard him lose the contents of his stomach in the toilet..

John couldnt believe that he was literally leaning over his toilet throwing up, he hadnt dont that in years and he was fairly certain it didnt have to do with the alcohol in his system, he had fucked up this time, like truly fucked up and with a Buchanan no less, a sound at the door made him look over and he quickly flushed the toilet as Natalie stood there looking at him..

"are you ok" she asked, she was worried he was gonna puke himself to death in there, he stood up quick and ran his hand over his face..

"Im fine" he said with embarassment, he couldnt even remember the last time he had puked, he flushed the toilet.."i think i should bring you home" He said as he walked past her, he couldnt even look her in the eye, that made her feel like more shit cause honestly she thought that she disgusted him so much he threw up..

"Your mad arent you" she asked as she neared him and he looked at her with wide eyes..

"Mad? No...not mad but right now, i think it would be best if i bring you home" he began to say and she didnt want to leave, she wanted to stay, she wanted to prove to him that she wasnt some freak of nature cause thats certainly how she felt..

"we can try again" she said as he looked at her shocked.

"no...no we cant" he said seriously..

"you think im disgusting, this is just great" she said as tears threatened to pierce her eyes, he gulped when he saw her eyes fill up..

"i dont think your digusting, far from it but Natalie.. i am not that guy, believe me when i tell you this" he said honestly..

"But i really wanted to, with you" she said honestly and he shook his head no..

"Im an asshole ok,...you deserve your first time to be with someone you care about, someone who cares about you, not like this and definitely not with me" he said as he ran a hand through his hair..

"Oh" was all she could say as she stood there, she wanted to run away right now..

"your a good girl Natalie, you need a good guy" he began to pace...

"and your not a good guy, right" she said quickly and he looked at her..

"this should of never happened ok, i should of never asked you to go to the bar, i should of never tried to take advantage" he said honestly..."I need to take you home... now" he grabbed his car keys and she stood there feeling like a complete asshole and then she left with him..


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Natalie spent the rest of the day trying to push the images out of her head of what happened, she would of been better off just losing her virginity to Cris, she hated that now she felt uncomfortable being around him, But she also knew that now she had a bigger problem, she wanted this case even if it meant being around John, this was gonna be her big break and she would be damned if she had ruined her chance..

It was Friday and she had already called her uncle and gave him some lame excuse that he bought about her needing time off from work, she had a little over two weeks and she took the whole time, she was gonna turn all of this into a positive, she would use herself for bait and prove herself to everyone..

It was only noon now as she took the address she had of the club, it was over by where he lived and she took one last look in the mirror, this time she doned just a simple pair of low ride jeans, a tank top and a pair of flip flops, she headed out..

John made his way through the club, his employees had done a good job cleaning the place up, he went to the bar and began checking his inventory, his mind still wasnt with it, he heard the familiar ring of the door in the front and he glanced at the clock wondering who would be coming by this early, it was only 12:30 in the afternoon, he put down his piece of paper and headed toward the lobby..

Natalie stood nervously in the lobby of the club, oddly enough from here it looked like a typical office, it had a receptionist desk and a few couches set up, she didnt really know where to go from here, she contemplated knocking on the large wooden doors ahead and she walked over to them but as she neared them they opened..

"were not open right now" john began and then stopped in his tracks when he saw her standing there.."Natalie...what are you doing here" he asked with shock, she was the last person he was expecting to see..

"i said i was gonna do this undercover thing" she said a bit nervously as she stood there, her hands on her hips as he looked at her, she had her hair down today and she was dressed more casual but still as gorgeous as ever, he noted to himself..

"I kind of thought that after last night" he began and she rolled her eyes..

"we had a deal" she said quickly..

"this isnt going to work" he said honestly..

"i already took my vacation time from work" she snapped at him..

"well i really wish you wouldnt of done that Natalie" he began and she huffed..

"so your basically telling me that since you couldnt sleep with me that now im not good enough for the case?" she said bluntly and he was a bit surprised by her attitude towards him, this definitely wasnt the same girl who was all goo goo eyed over him..

"Umm" he was literally speechless.."im just kind of thinking that maybe" he began and she sighed heavily..

"Listen just forget about what happened yesterday, i have" she said quickly.

"I just dont think your good for the job ok" he finally said..

"why? I wanna know why" she stared at him, she was getting mad at him, why was he being such an asshole!

"cause i say so, i dont know what to tell you" he shook his head.

"well how about this, either you keep me on this case or i run to my father and tell him that you took advantage of me" he looked at her shocked, honestly she shocked herself by saying that but this case meant that much to her, she rarely if ever resorted to using her Buchanan name to get what she wanted but considering the situation she made an exception..

"are you blackmailing me" he asked with shock, he couldnt believe what he was hearing..

"I guess i am" she swallowed hard..

"wow" he said in shock as he ran his hand through his hair and he began to pace..

Natalie was slowly losing her nerve, she honestly didnt know what to do next if he said no cause she wasnt seriously gonna tell her father that would be suicide but she kept a straight face as she stood there, hoping he wouldnt call her bluff..

"i really cant believe your gonna do this, i mean... blackmail...wow.." he said again, he was truly in shock, all the scenerios filled his head, and all of them lead to him being arrested or mauled by the entire Buchanan clan.."your really gonna force my hand in this?"

Natalie stood there with her poker face on and just nodded yes cause she didnt trust herself to say anything else..

"Unbelievable" he said as his blood began to boil.."give me a minute" he said as he walked back through the double doors and then Natalie heard what sounded like chairs and tables being thrown against the wall, and then cursing was heard, she jumped a few times not knowing what to expect, he was literally trashing his own place, after a few minutes he walked back out..."fine" he snapped coldly.."we start today, no bitching, no whining, you do as i say and nothing more, got it" he looked angry but she was in, she nodded her head.."You blow this case for me and i will personally go to your father" he said angrily as he walked to the double doors.."are you just gonna stand there, lets go!" he barked at her and she hurried up behind him, she could do this she kept telling herself..

He was beyond livid,he had never been blackmailed before and by her, he hadnt seen it coming and he surely didnt expect it even after what happened last night but he knew what he had to do, he had to make this so hard on her that she would just up and leave and thats exactlly what he planned on doing, two could play at this game!

John wasnt about to pull any punches, if she was gonna blackmail him for the part in this case then she would learn quick what an asshole he could be..

"this is my club, this is my rules, everyone and i mean everyone does what i say even the other dominant males in here, what i say goes, got it" he looked at her hard..

"sure" she said nervously..

"good, so to start things off when ever your around me in this club you refer to me as" he began and she rolled her eyes, she had done some research at home in the morning, she wasnt about to go in blindly..

"Master" she said dryly..

"WRONG, I am not your Master, nor have you earned the right to call me that, it's Sir, always Sir" he barked at her and she swallowed hard.."you dont walk in front of me, and you dont speak unless i ask you too, you dont look at anyone and you definitely dont speak to anyone, got it?"

"yes" she said low...

"Might as well start now Natalie, yes what?" he stared at her..

She thought for a second.."Yes Sir" she smirked a little..

"this aint funny, and it aint a joke, you wanna end up dead?" he yelled,she shook her head no at him.."then cut the bullshit and get your head in the game, you wanna do this then you do this!" he began walking around as she stood there.."you wont dress like that here, you wear what i tell you to wear" he said as he looked at her..

"dont you think your being just a little" she began, i mean he was being a bit ridiculous with all of this..

"a little what? Huh.. say it" he said coldly...

"a little ridiculous, ok i said it" she spoke but immediately regretted her choice of words..

"People who live this lifestyle dont find it ridiculous at all, this is there choice and since you are so adament about being part of this, well its your lifestyle as well, so get use to it" he walked away from her, he was getting really angry, he needed space.."BDSM is about allowing someone else to control or give you control of their life, this place is a safe place to do just that, people dont just walk into this blindly they live it, they crave it, they need it to survive, its not to be mocked" she nodded her head at him and he just looked at her..

"Yes Sir" she sighed..

"see that kind of defiance right there would be worthy of being chained up, maybe even whipped unless thats the game your playing here, wanna see how far you can push me?" he said with a kind of seriousness to his voice that it made her stop breathing for a second.."you play with me then you play with fire" she some how felt as though he wasnt lying.."everyone has a safe word, i think ours should be bitch since it seems fitting at the moment" she gasped at his choice of words, this was unbelievable.."do you have a problem with that" he grinned sarcastically at her..

She bite her tongue.." NO Sir" she spat at him..

"Now your my submissive, which means you came to me to help you release your true self, you want to be controlled by me, you get off by being controlled by me" he began to walk up to her and she swallowed hard.."there are ground rules, ones we dont cross, how far are you willing to let yourself go?" he asked her as he stood in front of her, he could see she was falling apart at the seams, it wouldnt be much longer before she would be running for the hills..

He continued with his ranting for another two hours, he hadnt even let her sit yet as he paced around her, giving her the ups and downs of the lifestyle, he stayed cold the entire time, she hated to admit it but this was becoming more than she bargained for and now she was just plain exhausted as she stood there, his words were beginning to blend together cause he just wouldnt shut up and then he kept quizzing her, she wanted to drop to the floor..

He explained to her about Carlo Hesser and what he had to do with all of this, her eyes grew wide when she began to fully understand the shit she got herself into cause if Mitch did fall for this and picked her, well she would be taken to him to be auctioned off, and even though John reassured her that he would be there with her at all times, well the idea was frightening to say the least..

He had eventually gave her a piece of paper and chair to sit down, she was grateful for that but then he gave her a list of things to memorize, she felt like she was back in school again but this time her teacher was nothing but a mean jerk, still damn handsome but a jerk no less, he gave her a list of clothes to buy, down to the panties she would be wearing and he finished it off with telling her she had to call him at 9pm sharp to tell him what she had accomplished..

He sent her on her way without as much as a goodbye and then she was running around to the stores like a lunatic buying these damn clothes and hoping she didnt run into anyone from her neighborhood, she wasnt ready for this, he wasnt being nice about any of it, apparently he was still upset about the blackmailing thing but she assumed he would eventually get over it, she knew he was just lashing out, he couldnt be that bad of a guy, he just couldnt be!

To say John was frustrated would be an understatement, he had tried to break her down with his words and nothing, she held on, he was pissed and annoyed and oddly impressed cause he definitely didnt think she had it in her, his mind kept going back to the night before, he knew he could never touch her like that again even though he wanted to, her body was off limits to him, atleast in that way, if they were gonna pull this off then it would be nothing but professional, nothing more...

Natalie got home after a day full of shopping, she was truly exhausted, so much so that when she flopped on her couch she fell asleep, like really asleep..It wasnt until her phone began ringing that she began to stir some, she groaned and hit her phone, thinking it was her alarm clock, but it kept ringing, she grabbed it and with a drowsy half asleep voice she answered.."hello?"

"It's 9:05" she heard a male voice say and she groaned..

"yeah and...who is this" she said half asleep...

"seriously thats the way your going to answer me" she opened her eyes not and huffed loud..

"listen i am tired i had a long day ok" she began to whine, she wasnt in the mood for this.

"Your gonna make me come over there, maybe you will respect me then" he said as a threat and she opened her eyes now..

"what?" she began to sit up but then the phone went dead.."you've got to be kidding me" she said with a sigh as she now fully sat up on the couch and yawned, she moved slowly into the kitchen, grabbing a cup of coffee..

It was only about 20 min before she heard her door bell ring and she sat straight up, had he found her house? She sat there and ignored it but now he began knocking and she got up, this shit had to stop, she swung open the door and he pushed right past her..

"You think this is a joke, when i ask something of you, YOU DO IT!" he said with a grin on his face, he was gonna end this once and for all tonight..

"seriously John i think your going a bit overboard" she began as he shook his head and then glanced at the bags of clothes on the floor..

"try them on" he said as he looked at her..

"what? Now?" she said with shock..

"right here, right now" he kept his stare on her..

"i think you have been undercover way too long" she said sarcastically at him but when she picked up the bags, he grabbed them from her hand...

"No, right here" he grinned as her eyes got wide..

"You want me to change in front of you" she couldnt believe he was asking her this..

"do i stutter, If you cant do something as simple as change your clothes in front of me then this is not going to work" he cocked his head back..

She knew exactlly what he was doing, he was trying to make her give up, well she had no intention.."fine.." she snapped at him as she quickly yanked her tank top off and he was shocked to say the least, then she yanked down her jeans and he swallowed hard now as he backed himself towards a chair, she saw the way he was looking at her, he may not admit it but he was definitely getting off on this, now she knew she was the one in control of the situation and she was gonna make him squirm, she leaned over to the bag, making sure to bend her ass in his direction as she picked through the clothes and he held in a groan, the boy shorts she had on made her ass look perfect, he grew harder in his pants..

She smiled as she grabbed a blue top and itty bitty blue skirt, it was a mock police officers uniform and she kept her back turned from him as she slipped the skirt on and then she turned to face him as she slid the shirt over her shoulders and began buttoning it up, she hated to admit it but standing there in front of him, dressing for him, well it was pretty erotic, she left a few buttons undone so that her cleavage was damn near busting out..

"so?" she smiled, she knew she had him, he wasnt such a tough guy after all..

John couldnt speak as he looked at her, hell he couldnt move either, his cock was painfully hard, he had to remind himself that he was the one in control here, but before he could say anything a sound was heard, like a key going into the door knob and they both turned their heads..

"Hey sweetie its your mom and dad" she heard her parents say and she nearly died as she stood there, and so did John cause before either of them could take off running her parents walked in the room and the look on their faces was priceless..


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Natalie was standing in the livingroom in a very revealing mock police officers uniform with John across from her, as her parents stepped inside she froze..

"Oh my" her mother said as she stopped, her father looked like he was going to pass out as he looked at her and then glared at John, a bag of take out food in his hand..

"Mom , Dad" Natalie said with that deer in the head light kind of look as she stood there, John literally wanted to make a run for it, he knew this wouldnt turn out good..

"we didnt know you had company, and we brought dinner" Vicki's voice trailed off, her dad still stood there, Natalie began to panic, she had to say something, anything..

"I was showing off my new Halloween Costume" she said quickly and John had to fight the urge to cover his face, her dad looked pissed..

"Halloween... oh...well thats a nice costume isnt it Clint" Vicki said uncomfortably..

"halloween is months away" he kept staring at John..

"Oh well you know me, always trying to get a bargain, by the way this is my friend Jonnnnnah" she said with wide eyes as she looked at John then her parents, she definitely couldnt tell him his real name, Clint and Bo talked on a daily basis and if he found out, well lets just say things wouldnt be good..

"oh..Jonah nice to meet you" Vicki said with an awkward smile..

"Jonah thats an unusual name" Clint said suspiciously..

"nice to meet you both" John said awkwardly, he wanted to leave and now, her father was giving him the death stare..

"so how do you and Jonah know each other" Vicki began..

"ummm, we are in the same class at the college" Natalie lied..

"Oh since when are you going to school, did something happen at work" Clint began as he put the bags of food down, John just stood there watching Natalie dig herself a huge hole..

"Just started actually, i ummm took some time off of work and well i decided to take a class" she lied again, she was fidgeting now as she stood there..

"Oh thats great sweetie" Vicki began and then she looked at John.."what class are you both taking"

"fashion design, thus the wild outfit, can you excuse me for a second i think i left something in the oven, Jonah can you help" Natalie walked past her parents, John immediately followed..

"fashion design, well thats nice" Vicki said to Clint, he didnt look like he was buying it..

Natalie got in the kitchen and nearly died.."your parents have a key to your apartment" John whispered in shock as she paced the room..

"they stop by every once and awhile with dinner" she said as she paced.."i have to get this off"

"and my name is Jonah, and were in a fashion design class... im dead, thats it" John began to pace..

"its gonna be fine, ok... i had to say something, i couldnt tell them your real name" she whispered as she began to freak out..

"im just gonna leave" John said as he ran a hand through his hair..

"No you cant, my father will definitely think something is up, it'll be fine" she began..

"natalie sweetheart what is all of this in the bag" Her mother called out and her eyes grew wide..

"Shit...we need to get back in there, just follow my lead" natalie said quickly..

"this is not good, not good at all" John said as he began to panic slightly..

"come on" she grabbed his arm and pulled him out there just in time to see her parents staring at a thong.."Oh that, well i needed the fabric for the class, were making clothes and such" she quickly grabbed the bags and looked at John..

"Clothing design, huh" Clint said as he looked at John.

"yeah, its been a life long dream of mine to umm make clothes for models and such" he said awkwardly and Natalie let out a small laugh..

"interesting but arent you a little bit too old to be just now trying to get into the fashion field" Clint said suspiciously..

"Dad dont be rude, Jooooonah is my age" natalie said quickly and her dad looked at her.."bad genes" she said with a shrug of her shoulders..

"yeah the worst, by the time im 40 i will probably look 60" John spit out as her father looked at her.."Not that i think 60 is a bad age or anything" John quickly took a seat on the couch..

"Umm im gonna go put these fabrics away, i'll be right back" natalie said without giving anyone a chance to say otherwise, she needed to get out of those clothes, John literally wanted to die..

"so are you and natalie dating?" her father asked John..

"dating...ummm" John began...

"clint dont scare him" Vicki said quickly..."it's nice to meet one of Natalie's friends" she said politely, Clint stood stiff and within seconds Natalie came running out dressed in yoga pants and a tshirt, she was scared her dad was gonna kill John, they all looked at her as she entered the room..

"Mmmm food smells good" she said quickly.."i really appreciate you both bringing this over" she just wanted them to leave now..

"so this fashion class, how are you planning on doing this and working at the station" Clint said quickly...

"you know me dad im great at multi tasking" she said nervously..

"uh hmmm and what about you Jonah, what do you do for a living" Clint looked at him...

"i ummm i" John began...

"he's a ummmm writer" Natalie said quickly as John looked at her..

"yeah a writer, which reminds me i have some writting to do" John said quickly as he stood..

"i always admire writers, what is your field of interest" Vicki said with a smile..

John looked to Natalie, he was white as a ghost.." Fashion, surprise" Natalie said with a nervous laugh.."he is very fashion oriented"

"yeah thats me i just cant get enough of it" John swallowed hard..

"well i think thats wonderful, dont you think so dear" Vicki said to Clint as he looked between John and Natalie suspiciously..

"I guess so" he said as he looked between the two.."i will have to see some of your writtings one day"

"sure, i will definitely bring something with me next time" John began as he looked between them all..

"ok so Jonah it was nice for you to come by, i will see you in class tomorrow" Natalie said quickly..

"Yeah, class tomorrow" he said as he looked at her.."It was very nice meeting both of you" he said to her parents as he stood there and then he headed for the door..

"I will walk you out Jonah" Natalie said quickly.."I will be right back" she said at her parents then she walked out the door with John.."I am so sorry"

"fashion, really...and a writer, did you see the way your father looked at me" John said as he shook his head..

"He's just a little bit overprotective of me" she said with a nervous smile..

"well i gotta go" John said as he turned from her..

"But im still in, right" she said as she stood there and he stopped and looked at her..

"yeah i guess so" he sighed as he shook his head, she smiled big and then surprisingly she leaned up and kissed him on the cheek quick, it kind of caught him off guard..

"You are the best,...Jonah" she smiled..

"Ok then... bye" he turned and walked away, trying to figure out what in the hell just happened in her apartment with her parents..

Natalie made her way back inside, her parents both looked at her.."he seems like a nice guy" Vicki smiled..

"more like a weirdo, i dont like him" Clint said quickly..

"Oh Clint stop being such a crab" Vicki said quickly as Natalie smiled nervously, this definitely could of gone worse but it didnt, and she was still on the case so she was as happy as could be..

By the next day Natalie was heading into the club it was around noon, she had two big cups of Starbucks coffee with her as she came in, she headed for the double doors, it was quiet inside almost as if no one was there but she heard voices coming from his office, then laughing, she hated the twinge of jealousy she felt when she heard a womans laughter and then his office door opened..

"i definitely look forward to tomorrow" he said with a smile as Natalie watched a slender brown haired woman walk out of his office, she was dressed in a tight little black dress, her legs seem to go on for and that made Natalie feel incredibly uncomfortable in her jeans and little tshirt, the woman was all smiles..

"i will see you later then" the woman smiled as John stepped out and Natalie tried to ignore the woman as she passed by but it was hard to do, she looked like a damn model..

"You brought coffee" John said with surprise as he saw Natalie standing there, her eyes on the woman from his office..

"Yeah i thought i owed a peace offering from yesterday" she said a bit uncomfortably..

"Yeah that was a little weird but thanks, i could use some coffee" he seemed to be in a good mood, like a really good mood and it bothered Natalie to think it could of been because of that woman, he walked over to her and she handed him the coffee..

"i take it that it was a good night at the club" she swallowed the bitterness in her throat..

"really good actually, how did things pan out with your parents" god he sounded so happy, she hated it!

"fine, they didnt stay long" she said quickly..

"so hey listen" he began as he took a sip of his coffee.."it seems as though your uncle came through, Charly,..that woman that just left is from the New York City Police Department, she has experience in the BDSM world" he began and she felt her stomach turn, he saw her facial expression change.."so i was thinking it wouldnt hurt to have two of you here"

"oh,... yeah i guess that makes since" she said as she sipped her coffee, she couldnt believe that he was gonna have another woman there, it infuriated her even though she didnt show it, the way they were all giggles in his office, well it made her sick especially since the woman looked closer in his age and she was almost positive she wasnt a virgin, she could only image what had him all happy this morning..

"yeah its pretty cool" he began as the tension began to rise.."so i was thinking that we gotta get your feet wet sometime, how about we head out of town and seek out a club, check it out for tonight"

"Oh ok" she still had that woman on her mind but hell atleast she had him all to herself for right now..

"great, how about we both get changed and practice a little" he sipped his coffee..

"sure i have my things in the car" she said as she spun from him, mumbling under her breath..

"You ok?" he asked and she didnt face him..

"yeah sure... perfect" she said as she left and he ran a hand through his hair, he had a feeling that all of this was gonna come back to bite him in the ass..

Natalie literally changed in the car, she hated how self conscious she felt now, her legs were not nearly as long as that chic Charly, ugh she even hated the name, she felt like she had to prove herself even more to John cause after last night havig her parents come she thought he just looked at her like a child, well she was planning on proving him wrong today..

The outfit she doned today was not as revealing as the one from last night but definitely a show stopper, she wore tight black leather pants that clung to every curve in her body, her top consisted of a black bustier top that amplified her already ample cleavage, that was something she did have on Charly, she finished the outfit off with a pair of black MaryJane Heels, she was beginning to feel better, if this didnt get his attention then nothing would, she headed inside..

As she walked in she wasnt expecting to see him shirtless and she felt her body flush, he glanced up from the bar and looked at her, he had to suck in a deep breath, she looked amazing, he almost felt as if she was trying to mess with him on purpose..

"thats some outfit" he said honestly as he walked over to her..

"its not too much is it" she tried to be innocent about it and he smiled as he shook his head..

"No, its pretty damn perfect" he had to turn from her and remember that she was off limits to him.."so shall we?"

"Im ready when you are...Sir" she threw that in there and watched him swallow hard, she smiled, maybe this wouldnt be as hard as she thought..

"so when we go out tonight, im gonna have to touch you but it wont be anything to intimate ok" he tried to reassure her but she didnt seem to mind by the way she looked at him."Ok so" he had to make space from her.."first i want you to practice taking orders, i will refer to you as my pet Red when we are out, you have to look at me as if i am the only thing keeping you grounded to this world"

"i think i can do that" she said honestly, he looked so gorgeous, she couldnt keep her eyes off of him..

"thats pretty good, that look" he said honestly and then he saw her flush, she wasnt pretending there..Natalie smirked and he ran his hand through his hair and stepped away.."yeah so umm" he didnt know what to say.."when we head out there make sure not to make eye contact with any of the other Doms, its a sign of huge disrespect"

"I think i can manage that, but no one is allowed to touch me right" she said a bit nervously and he looked at her..

"absolutely not, its an unwritten code that no one but your Dom can touch you" he began and she smiled.."but we wont have to worry about that, if i know anything its that these clubs are very professionally run"

"how long have you been doing this for" she asked out of curiosity..

"it seems like forever" he said honestly.."its been almost 2 years now"

"wow...how do you have a life outside of this" she said with shock, she couldnt believe being undercover for that long..

"i dont, well atleast not until Carlo is behind bars"

"why are you so obsessed with him, i mean im sure they could of gotten someone else to do this" she asked and he seemed nervous to answer..

"lets just say that me and him have a history, but enough about that, do you think you can handle tonight"

"i wont really know until we get there but i feel ok about it, i mean you'll be there" she said with a smile.."will you ummm be bringing Charly out to one of those clubs" she hated that she sounded so insecure when she spoke..

"ah no, she's great, already been there done that" he said honestly..

"oh.." she faked a smile.."good for her" she began to walk around the room, she had a feeling that Charly was going to be a huge problem for her..She stopped and stared up at some handcuffs chained to the wall.."people actually get chained here, in front of everyone?" she asked, she couldnt imagine doing that and having people look at her..

"yeah all the time, i take it you have never been bound?"

"No" she said with a nervous laugh..

"do you wanna be?" his voice sounded so damn sexy, she swallowed hard..

"really, like now?" she couldnt face him..

"Might as well see what it feels like" the idea of chaining her up did things to his body and he immediately pushed the thoughts out of his head even though his eyes were glued onto her ass..

"Ok, why not, chain me up" she said as she spun around, a smile on her face..

"Yeah?" he seemed a bit surprised..

"why not atleast i can mark it off my bucket list" she smirked..

"alright then just lean up against the wall, im going to cuff your ankles first" he said as he leaned down and she took in the sight of his shoulders and the muscular skin covering them, she gulped as the first click was heard.."Im going to have to spread your legs" he said and she just nodded as he spead them slightly and cuffed the other ankle, he was so close to her as he took her wrist and pulled it up and over her head, latching the cuff as she stood there, she could smell his scent and he smelt delicious, he hooked the last cuff and she stood there, basically spread eagle in front of him.."Ok?" the sight of her standing like that, bound against the wall was a dangerous sight..

"yeah, not too bad" she said as she looked at him.."sort of a helpless feeling"

"actually completely helpless" he said honestly.."thats the thrill of being chained" he began and she was beginning to understand what that meant as she stood there..

"so what usually happens from here" she gulped as she looked at him..

"thats usually between the Dom and his Sub, some use it as punishment thats where all the whips and crops come in handy" he pointed to a wall with the numerous objects on it..

"does it hurt?" she asked honestly..

"it can, depending,...would you like to see?" he knew this could lead to somewhere dangerous but he was fairly certain that he could control his urges..

"umm" she felt a rush of anxiety cross her body..

"you dont have to if you dont want to, most people cant handle it" he began and she didnt want to be like most people..

"I will try it, not too hard though" she said quickly, she was gonna show him she had what it took..

He walked to the wall looking at the numerous whips, he picked the one with the long tassels on it and walked over to her.."thats big" she said with wide eyes..

"ah it wont hurt, i promise" he had to will his erection down but to no avail..."ready?" she nodded her head and closed her eyes, bracing herself, he swung slow as the whip came across her thighs and she jumped some, it didnt hurt, it was, well an interesting feeling..He waited for a response from her and when he didnt get one he swung again, she kept her eyes closed, he swung again, then again, she liked it, a hell of alot more than she would of ever thought, he swung again..

He began to sweat as he watched her, she kept her eyes closed but her body reacted to the whip in such a way that he was incredibly turned on just watching her, each time he swung a bit harder, he was totally in character and it had seemed she was too, so much so that when someone entered the room neither of them had noticed until a throat cleared and John stopped, a bit startled and out of breath he spun as Natalie sprung her eyes open, a guy was in the room with them, John knew of him, he was a new Dom to the club, his name was Scott and John had a feeling he had been a scout for Carlo..

"oh please dont stop on my behalf, finish with your pet" Scott grinned as Natalie looked at him, he was about 6 feet tall, short cropped hair, dressed in jeans and a button down shirt, he sort of resembled someone from the show jersey shore, she felt uncomfortable standing there now..

John was a bit shocked to see Scott there, this could mean something.."No thats alright were done here" John said quickly as he looked at natalie, his eyes saying to play it cool..

"well thats no fun, is she new?" Scotts eyes beamed as he looked at her and she immediately looked away, remembering what John had told her about eye contact..

"she is and learning quickly" John said as he put the whip down, he contemplated unchaining her but felt it may be better just to keep her put..

"she is quite beautiful, are you just training or keeping?" Scott said as he kept admiring her..

The way the guy was talking was creeping Natalie out, this is how people really behaved in here, she kept her eyes to the ground..

"well that depends" John said as he stood there.."are you offering?"

The guy smiled big.."No i would love to but i already have my hands full but i know someone who may be interested" he pulled out a business card and handed it to John.."actually i came by cause im having a party at my house this weekend and i would love for you to come"

"I'll be there" John said and then he looked at natalie.."But if you dont mind im going to tend to my pet" he turned and walked over to natalie as the guy left, he began to undo her cuffs..

"was that who i think it was" she whispered as he uncuffed her wrists..

"yep,...game on" he grinned, this was 2 years in the making, he was more than thrilled.."this is what i've been waiting for, one more step closer" he said with excitement..

"so i did good" she asked seriously..

"You did awesome" he said honestly..

"Yes!" she jumped up with excitement as well and then she hugged him, it caught him off guard but he hugged her back.."were totally gonna do this and bring Carlo down" she said as she hugged him..

"its been a long time coming thats for sure" he said as they pulled back but they were still very much close to one another, she swallowed hard as she looked at him, he quickly backed up and ran his hand through his hair.."we got alot of planning to do, i would bet anything that Carlo will be at this party" he said as he backed up more, he needed distance from her..

"tonight will be the practice run" she said as she shook her head.."im ready to do this"

"me too, how about i come by and pick you up at 11 tonight"

"ok sounds like a plan" she wanted to kiss him so bad it was killing her..

"ok i will see you then" he said as he walked towards his office and she sighed, she would have to make her move tonight and she would, with that she left to get herself mentally prepared for what was ahead..

John went in his office and closed the door, leaning on it, he had almost done it, he had almost kissed her, he couldnt let that happen, this case was too important to mess up, he would find his self control, he had to..


	5. Chapter 5

Just an FYI that my motivation for this chapter came from a song called Not Strong Enough with Brent Smith and Apocolyptica, definitely give it a listen.. /e5O90uzvUA4

Chapter Five

Natalie was a bunch of nerves as she made her way into Rodi's after leaving John's place, she needed food and she needed a drink after everything that had taken place, she was back in her normal street clothes now but inside she felt very different, like she was slowly changing, she made her way to the bar and greeted Mac the bartender, she had worked for him last year when she was finishing up with the police academy, sometimes she really missed this place..

"I feel honored to have you come in, i dont see you anymore these days" he said honestly as she took a seat..

"I know ive been busy" she began and he smiled as he poured her a beer as if he could read her mind.."and so i hear, how is the new lanview officer liking her job?"

"its pretty good, im not such a softy anymore" she smiled as sipped her beer, it definitely hit the spot...

"Well dont change too much ok" he said as he began making her a burger and fries..

"well your a sight for sore eyes" a familiar voice said behind her but instead of being excited to hear the voice she wanted to hide, it was Cris and she had totally been blowing him off for days now..

"Cris...hey" she tried to act happy to see him as she spun around, he took a seat next to her and ordered a beer..

"I thought you disappeared or something" he said honestly..

"Im sorry, work.." she wasnt necessarily lying as she looked at him..

"i know you gotta be busy as hell but i am glad i ran into you here, ive had you on my mind" he smiled some, she knew that any other girl would die to have him say that but to her it just felt awkward..

"oh" she said with a nervous smile..

"so since your here and im here" cris began a bit nervously...Natalie knew exactlly where this was leading and in all reality she wasnt in the mood to make an excuse..

"would you like to get a table" she spoke before he could and his eyes lit up..

"I would love to" he seemed happy as shit, and really what harm would be done, they waited till their food was done and they headed to a table, a pitcher of beer following them..

John sat in his office for the majority of the day, he had called his Boss and updated him on the new happenings, he had also called Bo and thanked him for his help, his mind kept going back to Natalie and how she was tempting him something awful, he was over ten years her senior and yet there was something about her, her smile, her excitement, well hell it made him feel young again but she was just that, she was young, hell she was still a damn virgin even though that idea made him think very evil thoughts but he couldnt bring himself to use her like the other woman he had used in the past..

But he was worried, he wasnt entirely sure if they could pull this off but then he had the other cop, Charly and he was fairly certain she could pull it off but she definitely didnt have what Natalie had and that was for sure, she was a pretty woman but she didnt have that innocence that Natalie had, the kind that drew men in, especially Dominant men, he was deep in thought when his phone rang, he snapped quickly from his thoughts and looked at his phone, oddly enough it was Charly..

"hey i wasnt expecting to hear from you until tomorrow" he began..

"well actually i had a few of my guys pull some strings and i got some information on Carlo, if your not busy i would love to go over it with you"

"yeah, sure...where are you staying" he asked, anything that would be helpful he was totally in..

"Im in Lanview over at The palace but i passed by a bar on the way here, wanna meet me there?"

"sure" he grabbed his keys and began walking to the door.."whats the name?"

"Rodi's" she said and he headed off to find this bar and to get this information..

Natalie couldnt believe it but she was actually having a good time with Cris, it was nice to actually have someone excited to be around her like that, with John it was different, he was like that the first night but after the near miss things were different, he was more standoff-ish and right now she was really liking the attention plus Cris was easy on the eyes..

Natalie had found out that Cris actually played pool, something he hadnt mentioned in their three dates and so it wasnt a shock that they ended up playing a game or two as well as enjoying another pitcher of beer..But she couldnt help but think of the game her and John played, it was way more sexual then this one which was basically like two friends playing..

"You are really good" Cris said honestly as she cleared the table, he stood with a shocked and impressed look on his face..

"I played alot when i was younger" she continued as she sunk in another ball and then jumped up and down.."My game again" she smiled as she did a victory dance unaware that Rodi's had gotten a bit more crowded as john arrived with Charly..

As soon as he got into Rodi's he heard what sounded like a victory dance going on and he couldnt help but look in the direction and to his surprise he saw her, Natalie and she wasnt alone, some tall muscular dude was with her..

"Lets grab a table" Charly said without noticing his stares, Natalie hadnt even saw him yet but that was about to change cause when she spun around she stopped, nearly falling cause there he was and he was looking right at her..

Cris immediately noticed as he looked at her.."You know that guy?" he asked and she quickly spun to face him..

"No.." she said nervously, she couldnt let anyone know she knew him, especially not anyone in Rodi's it would immediately go back to her Uncle, but she felt sick as she stood there, she saw the woman he was with, was he on a date?

"Oh thats creepy then, he is totally staring at you" Cris said as he looked at John but then John turned and walked to a table, he was half tempted to walk up to her and ask her what the hell she was doing cause this certainly wasnt getting ready for tonight, he tried to ignore her presence as Charly began to talk, he could barely focus on what she was saying cause his eyes kept darting over to Natalie who was now blatantly ignoring him..

"why dont you get us some more beer while i use the ladies room" she said quickly, she needed to take a deep breath and figure out her next move, John didnt look happy from what she saw and she was a tad bit worried, she went to the bathroom as Cris happily ordered another round..

John eyeballed her as she headed down a hall, Charly was in midsentence when he stood up abruptly..She looked at him confused.."are you ok?"

"yeah i'll be right back i gotta find the bathroom" he said quickly, walking away before she could object..

Natalie got into the bathroom and immediately let out the breath she had been holding, she was annoyed that he was there and well she was getting a bit tipsy as well,when the bathroom door opened she quickly looked, it was him..

"Surprised to see you here" he said as he locked the door behind him and she smiled nervously..

"Oh hey.." she smiled..

"Im just a little confused as to how this can anyway help you get ready for tonight" he was angry and for more than one reason, he just looked at her..

"well i gotta eat" she said with a nervous laugh..

"whose the guy" he said quickly and if she hadnt been drinking she would of been sure she heard a jealous tone in his voice..

"The guy,...thats Cris, a friend" she began to say as he walked up to her..

"Are you telling him about the case" he was gritting his teeth and she swallowed hard..

"No just having lunch and a few drinks" she said quickly, just was taken off guard by his tone..

"thats great" he ran his hand over his face.."Nothing like getting plastered before heading out tonight" he began to raise his voice..

"Im not...im not plastered, your over reacting" she began and he shook his head...

"Over reacting huh...have i not explained how important this case is, do you not get it" he walked closer to her and she backed up some..

"But its still early" she began and he grabbed her upper arms and pulled her close to him...

"i dont care, i need you to have a level head, this is important to me and i swear " he began as he let go of her, he was angry, he walked backwards from her..

"I wasnt gonna get trashed, i was just having fun damn it, you should try it sometime" she snapped at him.."Oh wait, you are having fun i forgot" she said sarcastically as she rolled her eyes..

"Im here on business cause thats what i do, i take care of business but this... this is unbelievable" he began to pace..

"I dont have to live this 24/7 like you, i can have a life outside this" she snapped, she was angry now..

"and the most responsible thing to do is sit around drinking at 4 pm with some dude who i cant imagine will find it in himself to stop when your so damn drunk that you allow him to..to" he was yelling now as he stopped his words in his track..

She looked at him shocked.."first off its none of your business what i do and just because i drink doesnt mean i turn into a slut" she snapped angrily at him..

"yeah ok, i was drinking with you remember" he rolled his eyes..

"Oh please you were the one who couldnt control yourself, lets not forget that" she yelled at him..

"did i stop? Did i?" he was angry as he walked up to her..

"why are you so damn worried about my virginity, GOD! Its mine to do what i want with it" she snapped at him..

"Oh thats great, so your just gonna lose it to some random guy...thats just fucking great Natalie" he yelled at her..

"your such a damn hypocrite and you know what , this conversation is OVER" she stormed past him.."see you tonight as planned!" she slammed the door as she left and he stood there, he was angry, upset and more importantly jealous as hell, he stormed out of the bathroom...

Natalie hurried her way over to Cris, she was angry, she wanted to get out of there and fast.."do you wanna get out of here" she spoke as Cris's face got surprised, he smiled as she downed her beer, shooting a nasty look at John as she drank..

"Yeah...where to?" he asked as he drank back his beer..

"i dont care, anywhere" she said as she began walking and he followed her out as John stood there and watched, he hadnt even noticed Charly come up to him..

"isnt that the same girl from earlier" she asked as he spun to look at her..

"Listen i hate to cut this short but something came up, i will call you later ok and we will finish this" he said as he walked away without another word, he stepped outside just in time to see Natalie taking off in her car with that guy, he was fuming mad and he immediately jumped in his own car and took off after her, he kept telling himself he was just looking out for her best interest and the best interest of this case but that wasnt entirely true..

Natalie was totally unaware that she was being followed by John, and Cris was completely aware that she was suddenly acting very strange.."are you sure everything is ok, you seem stressed" he asked as she looked at him, peeling around the corner she pulled him up to her apartment..

"Im fine, are you coming?" she asked as she got out and he jumped out quickly, she didnt really know what she was doing but damn it she knew she was tired of John throwing this virginity thing in her face and she wasnt gonna let him do it anymore, she was gonna end this once and for all..

John was pulling up the street as he saw her enter the apartment building, that guy was in tow, he didnt know what she was up to but he damn well wasnt about to let her make a horrible mistake, and as much as he knew this wasnt his business or his problem, well he was getting out of the car and heading into the building like a damn stalker..

Natalie got to her apartment in a hurry, she was totally just gonna do this and get it over and done with once and for all, as she stepped inside she turned to Cris and shockingly grabbed his arm, pulling him against her as she kissed him desperately, he seemed caught off guard but definitely wasnt complaining as he kissed her back..She noted mentally that there was a significant difference in the way John kissed her that night at the bar, Cris wasnt a bad kisser but it was more awkward then anything but then again she believed this entire scenerio would be awkward, so what the hell, she hadnt even closed the door to her apartment all the way as she began walking backwards until her legs hit the couch, she fell back onto it, dragging Cris with her as they continued to kiss..

Natalie was reaching desperately between then and grabbing at Cris's jeans, he reached between them, helping her as he unbuttoned them and went to yank them down but before he could do that he was almost violently yanked off of her as Natalie's eyes shot open from the loss of contact..

"what the hell" Cris yelled as he stumbled back and Natalie looked up to see a very much pissed off John standing there, he didnt say anything to Cris, he grabbed him by the back of his shirt and literally pushed him out of the apartment..

She could hear Cris yelling something, then she heard John yell and she immediately sat up, she couldnt believe he followed her even though it kind of made her feel good and then the door was opening up and John was slamming it shut..

"so your just giving it away now, huh" he said angrily as she began to stand but he pushed her back down and then surprisingly he took her mouth aggressively with his, it took her breath away as he pinned her down on the couch, he didnt even know what he was doing, he was trying to teach her a damn lesson, one she wouldnt forget, he yanked up her shirt roughly tossing it and literally pulled her bra from her as he pulled his mouth from hers, breathing heavy, he said in a thick tone.."if you were looking to be fucked why didnt you say so" his voice held anger and it sort of freaked her out and then he was pulling off his shirt and yanking down her pants, she gasped at the roughness, fear quickly taking over, he unbuckled his pants and she tried to sit up.."Not this time sweetheart, you wanna fuck, then were gonna fuck" he said as he pushed her back down and yanked his pants down and she felt her heart race, he already had her pants and panties tossed on the ground..

"Please...dont...stop" she said as tears filled her eyes..

"Your not gonna get me all fucking worked up and say stop, cause i know what you want" he basically yelled at her as he shoved his pants all the way down and her eyes got wide as she took in the size of him, he was fully erect and she shook her head, she didnt want it to be like this, not like this, not our of anger and rough...

She began to cry as the realization of the situation hit her, her held her arms down and sank his body onto hers, his cock laying between her legs..She closed her eyes and braced herself as she shook..

"No one likes a fucking tease" he whispered with a heavy breath in her ear.."Your lucky its only me and not that douche bag" he quickly got off of her as she laid there, her body still shaking as she opened her eyes, he was putting his pants back on, for a second there he was gonna just go for it, really let her see that she was playing with fire but he stopped himself, her lesson was learned...

The reality of what could of happened ,of what almost happened had her crying as she sat up, he was right, she didnt know what she was doing and she didnt know if Cris would of stopped if she wanted him to or if he would of cared if he hurt her, to say she was mortified and embarassed was an understatement..

"get dressed" John said as he walked in the kitchen, desperately needing to walk away, he hadnt faked the erection he had, no, he wanted her, and bad, so bad that he could almost taste it!

John searched through her fridge for something to drink, he pulled out a beer and damn near guzzled the entire thing, he then grabbed a glass and poured water in it and headed back in the livingroom, she was now somewhat dressed, her jeans and tshirt on, her bra broken on the floor, she was sitting on the couch, he handed her the cup of water, she couldnt even look at him as she took it and sipped, her hands still shaking..

He looked at his watch.."we have to leave in a couple hours, you need to sleep this off" he said a bit coldly, all she could do was nod her head as she began to stand up, she was ashamed at the way she acted, she was embarassed, he was right she wasnt ready for that.."set your alarm, i will be back at 11 to get you" he said as he turned for the door, she watched him leave and she stayed there shakened but relieved, this definitely could of turned out to be alot worse...

Needless to say natalie ended up having a horrible nightmare once she fell asleep, one that didnt have John coming to save her from herself, but in this dream she lost her virginity to Cris and there was absolutely nothing special about it, actually she had cried and pleaded him to stop and yet just like John had said, well he didnt, actually he was very mean about it and she woke up in a cold sweat, her heart racing as the faint sound of her phone going off got her attention, she quickly looked at the clock, nearly 9 pm, thankfully she wasnt drunk but she definitely wasnt well rested, she grabbed her phone hoping it wasnt Cris and it wasnt, it was her best friend Gigi, she hadnt seen her in atleast 2 weeks and she quickly answered.."Hey Gi"

"You know my feelings are getting hurt that you cant even give your bestfriend a call, see what happens when i hook you up with a guy, you forget all about me" Gigi laughed..

"oh about that Gi" Natalie began as Gigi sighed..

"Oh no Nat what did you do, dont tell me you blew him off too, he was a rare find and an artisit" Gigi said with disappointment, she knew Natalie too well..

"it wasnt like that" natalie began as Gigi cut her off..

"so what did he do, was he too nice, too pretty, too mature" she sighed..

"you know we wouldnt have this problem if you would stop trying to set me up with people" Natalie said honestly, her mind going to John, she wouldnt mind him..

"a good friend doesnt watch another friend work themselves to death, by the way i came by your job today and your uncle said you took time off" she said suspiciously.."whats that all about"

"I just needed some me time" natalie said quickly..

"Bull,...who is he.." Gigi perked up..

"he who?" Natalie was a horrible liar..

"Oh my god there is someone, ok so if it isnt the artist then who? Is it that cop from your job, ummm Brody is his name, right?"

"definitely not Brody" Natalie laughed..

"Oh but there is someone, isnt there"

"Technically no" natalie said honestly...

"hmmm that sounds like a trick answer...why do you hate me so much, you know i only want the best for you, and i try Nat, i try to help you out and yet you still leave me in the dark" Gigi began her guilt trip as Natalie sighed, she hated when Gigi did that..

"Gi, i dont hate you its just that well nothing is really going on, sadly" she sighed..

"do you need me to kick someones ass"

"No but i would like to stop acting like a child...ahhhhh Gi what am i gonna do" natalie fell back on her bed..

"your one of the most mature people i know"

"yeah well thats not really reassuring" Natalie shook her head..

"Ouch that hurts, but seriously who is the new guy, is it someone i know" Gigi was chomping at the bit..

"Im not even technically dating him but believe me when i tell you that he is just amazing, like really amazing" natalie sighed heavily..

"oh my god you didnt go and do the nasty with Mr Amazing did you cause it kind of sounds like you did, and i already told you that your not missing out on anything and if i could go back and hold off on losing my virginity then i would of waited for Rex"

"uh Gi, seriously i dont want to think of you and my brother in bed, gross" Natalie laughed..

"well its true, i would of waited and you should to, he's gotta be a special guy nat, someone you love"

"Yeah well i dont think that love is in the cards for me" natalie said seriously...

"Oh please, your the most hopeless romantic i know"

"exactlly hopeless" natalie rolled on her side..

"You know i didnt mean it like that but before you think about giving in to Mr Amazing you make sure its the right thing to do, nothing like losing it in the backseat of a dirty car"

"eww thanks for the visual" Natalie laughed..

"its true and it was horrible, ugh..im sure his parents thought someone got killed back there"

"OK ok enough about the gorey details, i dont want to think about it.."

"im just saying the first time is bad and you wanna be with someone who is considerate and caring, and then...well...well then you get to the good stuff" Gigi laughed and natalie sighed..

"well thanks for the pep talk"

"wait, hold up, you still havent told me who he is"

Natalie looked at the clock, she knew she had to start getting ready now.."No one Gi, just my sad overworked imagination"

"seriously cause thats kind of scary nat"

"really its nothing, you know if i thought it was something then you would be the first person i would tell"

"well i hope so, when are we gonna get together again, its been way too long and now that your taking this time off of work"

"we will definitely plan something ok but ummm, im gonna head to bed i have a book i am dying to read"

"Ok well you call me, love ya girl"

"Love ya too" Natalie hung up and sat in the bed, she was horribly worried tonight but even more worried just seeing John, he must really think she is some sort of child now, ugh she hated this! She quickly got in the shower so she could get ready..


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

John had been worked up all day, to say he was hot and bothered would of been an understatement. He felt like a lion being let out of his cage for the first time, her scent was still on him and it was driving him crazy, he needed to get her out of his system, he couldnt function like this and he had to get himself under control and he had to do it before the night came, he got into the club not really knowing what he would do and then he saw her, one of the subs that worked for him, her name was Julia, she was cleaning and preparing for tonight..

He walked straight up to her, damn near startling her as she spun around.."I didnt see you Sir" she said with shock and he grabbed her arm ,leading her across the room as she gasped..

She was a cute young girl, maybe late twenties, short blonde hair in a pixie cut, she would have to do, he lead her to the same wall he had Natalie on prior, he didnt say anything to her, he just began chaining her up..

"but what about Master Thomas" she said, that was her Dom, John didnt care..

"your mine right now, so shut up and enjoy" he said as he cuffed her there, he knew this was wrong, it was wrong on so many levels but he didnt care, he had to do something and she was right in front of him..

He went to the wall and grabbed a whip as she gasped, it was down right disrespectful to play with anothers sub, but he walked back towards her as she protested slightly, he knew it was a game, he had seen the way she looked at him in the past, he was just going to give her what she wanted, he cracked the whip and it hit her thigh as she moaned loudly, he did it again but flashes of Natalie on that same wall came to his mind, he whipped her again but again he saw natalie, Julia cried out in ecstacy, he whipped her again and he saw natalies naked body sprawled out before him on the couch..

"fuck fuck fuck" he yelled in anger as Julia opened her shocked eyes, he threw the whip across the room, she was panting uncontrollably now. He rubbed his face, she began to protest, he looked at her immediately going over and taking off the cuffs..

"But no...dont stop Sir" she begged him as he unlatched the last cuff and pulled her from the wall..

"Just get out of here" he said as he turned from her..

"But Sir" she went to run up to him, apparently hot and bothered, he spun and faced her..

"i said get the fuck out of here, NOW!"he yelled and she ran off quickly..He picked up a nearby table and flipped it over, this just wasnt going to work, what the hell was happening to him!

Natalie was having her own dilemma as she searched through the clothes trying to find the right outfit, it was nerve racking to think that she would be around other people, in a club, she couldnt afford to mess things up, but what to wear, she literally felt sick as she sifted through the clothes, some seemed too revealing, others not revealing enough, she pulled out the green plaid skirt, it resembled one of a school girl and then she got an idea and quickly put it into action..

John was still irritated by the time it got dark, he had taken a few shots of whiskey to calm himself down but that really wasnt working, he doned a black pair of leather pants,a button down silk black shirt, with alot of the buttons undone and black boots that almost resembled biker boots, he pulled his hair back in a pony tail and off he was to find her, they would go to the club, mingle a bit, let her get her feet wet and then he would promply bring her home, end of story, he could do this!

He had came violently in the shower thinking of Natalie and so now standing at her door he was fairly certain he couold keep his erection under control but as she opened the door, the sight of her, well he was back at square one..

"Hi" she said a bit nervously, she was literally dressed like a school girl, plaid top, white button down shirt open to her cleavage, white thigh high stockings and black heels, her hair in pony tails, john literally thought this was a cruel joke but then again he had been the one to tell her what to buy, damn him.."I hope its not too obnoxious" she said a bit nervously, he looked mad, it made her feel uncomfortable and self conscious..

"its fine, are you ready" he turned from her without showing his reaction to the show stopping outfit, he had to remind himself that he couldnt take her right then and there, he would just have to tolerate it for the night..

"yeah" she swallowed hard, he didnt seem interested in her outfit at all, this is what she was scared about, he was still pissed about earlier and she hated it.."Im really sorry about earlier, you were right" she said, she couldnt take the tension..

"yeah its fine" he said coldly, he couldnt even look at her, actually what he needed to do was adjust his straining manhood..

"You look nice" she said with a smile, actually he looked amazing hot, he definitely knew how to dress, it screamed sex appeal, he kept his back to her..

"thanks" he said dryly as he willed his erection to go away..

They walked to his car and he didnt say another word, she would just let him be, she got into the car and so did he, his eyes darting to her thighs, the skirt she was wearing was creeping dangerously high on them and then she crossed her legs and he almost lost it in his pants, he quickly looked away and peeled out in the parking lot, startling her as he drove like a mad man, the tension was thick, so thick that she had to keep swallowing so she wouldnt suffocate..

She stole glances at him as he drove, he kept his eyes on the road, not once looking at her, what the hell! She went to say something and he flipped on the radio, putting it loud as she huffed and looked out the window, this would be a fun night, she thought to herself , yeah right!

John felt as though he would bust through his pants as he drove, he kept the radio to avoid conversation, he picked one of the larger clubs outside of Lanview, one had been to before, one you could easily get lost in and so many people frequented there that they could basically go unnoticed but seeing her outfit he had second thoughts now but he still drove to it, they would have to make the best of it, he finally turned off the radio as they pulled into the parking lot, the place was huge and Natalie felt her stomach turn, this was it, like really it.

There were people mingling outside, some had collars on, some leashes, this is definitely not what she was expecting, she thought she may throw up..

"this is it, just remember what i said and follow my lead" he said as he got out, a few people looked in their direction, he went and opened her car door and she stepped out, her legs were shaky as she stood there, but he finally did look at her, if only for a second.."Lets go" he took her hand and lead her to the front doors..

Natalie couldnt help but steal glances of the other couples, the men were definitely checking her out but she made sure not to make eye contact, John was walking fast, damn near pulling her as got her to the door and they stepped inside, the place was loud, very loud and so much was going on and just in this front room, there was a couple making out heavily on one of the couches but John kept moving, he went up to the receptionist desk and paid for their visit as Natalie tried not to oogle the other couples, she was actually conservatively dressed compared to some of these women, she gulped when she saw one woman wearing next to nothing, on her knees next to a man who petted her head as he carried on a conversation with someone else..

Her nerves were getting the best of her as she stood there, she honestly didnt know if she could pull this off but then john was leading her into another room.."look but dont stare" he whispered in her ear as they made their way through another large room, this one had tables which were all occupied with men and women, some even cuffed to the walls as loud music played in the background..

John looked around trying to figure out where to bring her, he lead her through yet another pair of doors and it opened up to a dance club of sort, the dance floor was filled with people erotically dancing, he would atleast be able to explain things to her here with it being so loud, he pulled her onto the dance floor, she was overwhelmed by what she was seeing..

"so this is where alot of the newbies come, it gives them the illusion that they are participating in something more" he said as he pulled her against him, pushing back a groan as he did so..

"I didnt think so many people did this" she said honestly, she couldnt even enjoy the closeness with him cause her heart was thudding away heavily but she finally did look at him, he was staring at her as they dance slowly..

"More people than you would of guessed, mailmen, cashiers at your local store, wealthy business men and women as well as, well law enforcement" he began as her eyes got wide.."this lifestyle is very unbiased natalie" His cock was growing at an alarming rate as she was pressed up against him."are you ok?" he asked as she took on a white complextion, he didnt want to have to deal with her having a meltdown, not there, not now, all she could do was nod her head..

"I think a drink would help a little" he looked at her and shook his head..."Just something to you know, take the edge off" she said honestly..

"alright, one drink" he said as he led her over to the bar, he ordered for her, a margaretta, something not too strong but definitely enough to take off the edge, she looked around at all the dancing bodies, it was like a very xrated version of dirty dancing..He handed her the drink and she looked at the large glass and then surprisingly she literally gulped the entire thing down as he looked at her with wide eyes, she had it finished in under a minute as she wiped her mouth, the bartender looked at her like she was crazy..

"sorry i was thirsty" she said with a nervous laugh, John knew that this would end up being a very strange night, they stood there for another minute...

"come on let me show you something" he said as he lead her away from the bar, she was already feeling better, the alcohol was definitely working its magic, she felt alot looser as he pulled her through some other doors, ones that led to a spiral staircase..

"You've been here alot" it was merely a statement not an answer, he glanced at her..

"a few times" he said as he brought her over to what looked like changing rooms, he found one that was empty and walked inside, closing the curtain behind them, a window was on the other side, it literally overlooked the dungeon area, it was like a peeping toms dream, she looked out the window.."some people just like to watch others and if thats the case you come here to do it" he took a seat on the small bench in the room..

"wow, kind of like a creepy pervert but oddly accepted" she said with a small laugh..

"yeah i guess you can look at it that way" he let out a small laugh, she had heard it, she smiled at him.."anyway its a way to see what is going on without staring"

"I like it better in here" she said honestly as she looked out the window, his eyes were looking at her legs and those stockings.."i bet people have sex in here" she said bluntly and he began to laugh nervously as she looked at him..

"yeah thats kind of the thrill of it" he couldnt help but laugh..

"Did you, have you" she looked at him with curiosity even though something told her he had..

"what? No, now i definitely think you drank that too fast" he ran a nervous hand through his hair, she knew this was her time to show him what she had,she turned to face him, and she saw him checking her out, so he had liked the outfit, she tried not to show her excitement..

The alcohol that was racing through her veins was definitely helping her out here.."i think your lying"

"Oh really, well i hate to bust your bubble" he began and she laughed..

"i mean i know i havent but if i had, well this would be pretty hot ya know" she went to sit down next to him but purposely fell onto his lap and he sucked in a deep breath..."oops" she said innocently but he was definitely aroused, and well so was she..

"yeah well we should check out the rest of the place" he held back a groan as her ass sat directly on his very swollen manhood, she turned to face him..

"i like it better in here" she said as she unknowingly bit her bottom lip, John felt the room jump atleast 20 degrees, he was beginning to sweat..

"there's more to see" he could barely get the words out, his hand resting on her hip..

"i like what i see right now" she said honestly as she looked at him..

John felt beads of sweat forming on his forehead as he sat there, he was losing control and she was looking at them with those damn pleading eyes.."natalie" came out thick and heavy as he looked at her, shaking his head.."you need to get off of me" he forced the words out and for a second it looked like she was but instead she just adjusted herself some, her legs going on either side of him as she straddled his aching lap..

"dont you want me" she said softly as she looked at him...

He let out a low groan as his hands went to her hips, kneeding his hands into them as he looked at her.."you know i do but" he went to raise her up but she sat back down, this time dropping on his lap as she fought against him..

"im not a little girl" she said as she swallowed hard, his eyes darted to her cleavage which was directly in front of his face then at her eyes..

"i know that, believe me but" he went to lift her up again and yet again she dropped herself on him, this time he let out a groan as his head went back and hit the wall..

"you had no problem kissing me that night at the bar" she gulped as she spoke and he looked at her, it was hard to concentrate with her on his lap, pressing into him..

"natalie you dont want to do this, its the alcohol talking" he rasped heavily..

"Maybe a little but i still want you" she said honestly as she moved her mouth towards his..

"you'll regret this" his mouth was so close to hers..

"i dont think i will" she said with a smile as she leaned in more, his hands moved from her hips to her ass and he squeezed, pushing her harder against him..

"dont make me do this" his voice was almost a warning but she didnt care, she let her lips fall on his, he seemed to protest for a second and then he was deepening the kiss as he kept his hands on her ass, kneading it as he kissed her, she moved her hands to behind his neck and she kissed him even deeper as her breasts smashed into his chest and she began rocking herself agianst his lap, he had to pull his mouth back, he was dangerously close to coming in his pants.."you need to stop that" he groaned as he looked at her..

"you mean this" she smiled as she rocked into him some more, she definitely was liking this drink she had, she finally felt free, his mouth collasped on hers again but instead of stopping her rocking on his lap he began pushing her into him harder as he moved his hips against her, he threw caution to the wind, he needed to come, he had to come...

He remember what he was wearing this was definitely gonna be a mess, so without thinking he picked her up, moving her as she gasped and then he was pulling her down on him hard, she was amazed watching him, he looked at her, he didnt even care at this point, she had him so fired up he was gonna lose control, he lightly pulled her by her hair and then he was literally dry fucking her onto his raging manhood, this was definitely a first for her, he fucked her clothed body for another few seconds and then held her there as he came violently against his pants, she was as shocked as him even though the entire thing was pretty damn erotic, he put his head back sated and breathing heavy as he kept his hand in her hair, she pulled her head back and licked her lips, she had never ever done that before, he slowly released her hair as he stood, adjusting his pants..

"sorry about that" he began to say as she looked at him, hell it was better than what he had wanted to do..

"that was umm, fun" she said with a smile as she stood and adjusted his now wet pants..

"Youve never done that before either, have you" he said and she shook her head.."thats great so i am just totally defiling you" he was annoyed with himself as he turned from her but she grabbed his arm stopping him..

"I didnt say i didnt like it" she said low and he faced her, this time he touched her cheek..

"you need a normal guy, trust me, thats not me..lets go" he said honestly as he took her hand and she didnt know what to think..

He brought her around the club some more but she was agitated now, why did he have to tell what she needed, maybe she was ok with him being slightly off kilter, he excited her, she liked him.. They hadnt stayed much longer, he knew he had to get her home, tensions were running high and he definitely didnt want to bring any attention to that, they began to make their way to his car, he was being distant again, she hated this, once in the car she looked at him..

"why do you always have to tell me what i need" she spoke abruptly and he wasnt expecting it, he just assumed they would have the same quiet car ride, he looked at her.."i really dont think its fair"

"You know why dont you just tell me what your expecting to get out of this" he said honestly and for a second she was stumped.."do you want me to just fuck you and leave you" She looked at him unsure of what to say, that really wasnt what she had in mind.."Natalie thats not what you want and i can see that, i like you but im not that guy who has relationships, thats not me"

"I wasnt saying i wanted a relationship" she was totally lying out of her ass there..

He looked at her softer.."I have many more years of experience on you, i can tell what you want by the way you look at me, im not stupid Natalie but im not that guy and the sooner you realize that the better off you will be"

"so your just not into me, i get it" she said low, feeling like she was shot down..

"You dont get it natalie, ive done the relationship thing, its not me end of story, you need someone who can treat you the way you deserve to be treated and i cant give that to you" Natalie didnt know what to say, she felt horrible, after everything she had tried he was still shooting her down, she didnt believe the whole relationship crap.."Your a good girl, you need a good guy" he said softly and she looked at him..

"But your a good guy"

He started up his car."No im not, you dont know me, trust me" he began to drive..

"so you have sworn off relationships forever" she said as she looked at him..

"basically yes, can we just talk about something else" he said quickly...

"but why i dont understand, dont you get...get lonely" she said honestly..

"if i get lonely i bring someone to my bed" he said honestly and she wasnt use to this kind of bluntness..

"but what about having that someone special, what about having a family" she began and he looked at her now, hard..

"listen i dont need anyone Ok, im not a family guy, i dont want that and i dont need it,..do yourself a favor Natalie and get that idea out of your mind cause it will only get you hurt, that much i can promise you" he said a bit coldly as he continued to drive.."I like you, i like your body but your just some hot 22 year old that i want to fuck, nothing more, nothing less" he didnt look at her as he spoke, but he knew that once she understood that then she would spare them both alot of pain, he had trusted in the past and it got him no where except face to face with his exbestfriend and his fiancee, he was done playing that game cause in the end none of it mattered, no one could be trusted, to say he had been burnt would be an understatement, it was more like being set on fire and burning till there was nothing left but anger and bitterness, thats why he liked being on cases like this cause it forced him not to deal with reality..

Natalie was beyond hurt as she stared out the window, maybe she should be grateful that he was so damn straight forward with her!

The didnt speak for the rest of the car ride and then he was pulling up to her apartment, she opened the door without saying anything.."i have stuff to take care of tomorrow, so i will just call and update you on what is happening" he said but she didnt care, honestly she didnt want to hear anything else coming from him, she shut the door and walked away, he ran his hand through his hair as he watched her, this had to be for the best he told himself as he drove off..

It was funny the way things were working out, it was as if the universe was playing a cruel joke on her, John was rejecting her like she had rejected Cris and every other man out there but she kept telling herself she was better off finding out this way then leting herself fall too hard for him but it still sucked and being home all the next day sucked too, maybe she was just fooling herself with all of this, maybe he was right, she picked up the phone and dialed the one person she knew could make her feel better, Gigi..

John felt like crap as he stayed at his house all day drinking himself into an oblivion, he had a cardboard box on his bed, one that he kept but never looked in anymore, one that held memories that were too hard to remember but he opened the box now, half a bottle of scotch next to him as he pulled out a picture, it was one of him and Caitlin during a time when he felt like life was good, maybe too good..

_"how could you do this to me, to us after everything we have been through" he yelled at her, he couldnt even believe that she had the nerve to show her face at work after what he had found the night before, his best friend in be with his financee, he had wanted to kill Connor, hell he would of if he hadnt been so damn disgusted, so he left drinking the night away..But now at work, she was there.._

"John you know things werent going well, we barely saw each other and all these cases " she said with tears but he felt numb as he looked at her..

"these cases is what kept a roof over our head but you know what, im done" he tried to walk past her, the hurt he felt was unimaginable..

"I never wanted to hurt you" she said with tears streaming down her face..

"get the hell out of my face" he snapped as he walked away from her, needing distance.

John dropped the picture on the bed and picked up a piece of paper, newspaper actually, one that had a picture of her and Connor, it was their wedding announce meant from 3 years ago just when he thought he was finally over her he had seen this, bringing it all back to the surface, he had kept it all this time..

Last time he had heard anything was about two years ago, word was it that Caitlin and Connor were expecting their first child, he was bitter and angry, how was it that she got her happily ever after and her got nothing but a both of damn memories, ones that haunted him more than anything but he couldnt bring himself to get rid of them..

There was a time when having a family was all he wanted, his own brother Michael was happily married and had a son, Tommy was his name and now john couldnt even bring himself to see his own brother or his nephew cause it was just a constant reminder of what he would never have, and then comes along natalie and she looked at him as if he invented sliced bread, but in the end he would hurt her cause in all reality thats all he knew how to do anymore, he shoved the pictures back in the box and put them away, enough with the self pity crap he told himself as he drank more of the bottle..

Gigi was more than excited that Natalie called her and offered to go out, it was rare these days that natalie went anywhere with Gigi but tonight she needed a girls night out and bad, the had agreed to meet up at Capricorn, a live band was playing there tonight and natalie was just looking forward to going out and forgetting her troubles and just having a good time and thats exactlly what happened when she met up with her friend and Brother Rex as they sat at a table, drinking and laughing, it was nice and uncomplicated, for a second she had forgotten how messed up everything had become..

But it seemed like the good ole days when they use to hang out, Gigi was surprisingly not asking about Mr Amazing which was nice cause natalie didnt want to talk about him but she also forgot there was someone else she hadnt seen and when Gigi got all wide eyed Natalie turned her head to see Cris.

"hey Cris hows it going" gigi began and natalie wanted to run and hide, he looked at her and it wasnt a nice friendly look..

"fine" he said to Gigi and then he looked at natalie..."well i will just leave you all alone" He said as he began walking away, natalie felt bad and sighed as Gigi looked at her, feeling the tension..

"give me a sec" she said to her friend as she ran up to cris..

"hey, wait" she called out as she got up to him and he spun to face her, he looked angry..

"listen i dont know what games your playing but i dont have time for this kind of drama" he said rudely..

"im not playing games, i just wanted to apologize about the other night" she said low..

"Oh yeah, who was he, your boyfriend or something" he snapped angrily...

" no it wasnt like that, i didnt know he would follow me" she said honestly..

"yeah well i didnt ask for any of that and to be threatened by him, no thanks, have a nice life" he said as he walked away and Natalie stood there feeling bad..

"you wanna tell me what that is all about" Gigi said with suspicion..

"its nothing" natalie sighed as she stood there..

"yeah well it didnt look like nothing, what happened, whose the guy he is talking about" she stood right in front of natalie..

"No one, trust me" natalie tried to walk away from her but Gigi wouldnt move.

Gigi could see the uncomfortablness on Natalie's face and thankfully she dropped it, they enjoyed the rest of the night, somewhat atlease, natalie felt bad for what happened with Cris mainly cause she had thought about Johns words, she needed a normal guy and Cris was as normal as they come, why should she pine away for someone who had made themselves clear, John was more emotionally fucked up then she had ever imagined, he definitely was the worst kind of person for her to get wrapped up with but then damn it why couldnt she stop thinking of him?


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

It was almost two whole days before she heard from John, she hated that she waited for his phone call and yet nothing, they were suppose to be heading to that house party in just a few short days, was he just gonna avoid her until then?She was beginning to think that this whole undercover thing was gonna be one huge waste of time, hell he couldnt even call her, she was annoyed to say the least, who was the immature one now, so she did the only thing she could think of, she headed to his club so they could hash this thing out once and for all...

John was not doing much better on his end, he had spent the last few days drinking himself stupid and now that he finally stopped he was completley and totally shit faced, it took him a few hours to even realize what day it was and the fact that his liver was screaming out to him, well he wanted to be dead to the world, he hadnt even gone to the club in two days, he left it in charge to a few of his employees, he was feeling just run down and tired, very much tired of everything really..

But he had drunk dialed his brother and that was well uncomfortable to say the least especially since he could only remember bits and pieces of the conversation, it had been almost a year since he had talked to his brother, not to mention he couldnt remember the last time he had seen him in person..

His brother was worried about him, he could hear it in his voice but he also knew John, he knew his brother kept everything inside even though he warned him that eventually one day it will all come out whether he wanted it to or not..

And he thought about Natalie, how he could easily convince her to do whatever he wanted, she would be puddy in his damn hands and yet he couldnt use her the way he wanted to and that annoyed him, what was it about her that was bringing him to his damn knees! He hated to admit it, actually he probably never would but she had definitely gotten under his skin.. He felt like shit, hell he even looked like it but he didnt care, he laid on his couch staring at the ceiling waiting for the feeling to pass, a knock on his door snapped him from his thoughts at first he thought he was hearing things but then he heard it again, he sat up, rubbing his tired face wondering who in the hell would come to his house, it was early still, he looked at his watch, the knocking continued, now he got up..

Natalie stood nervously on the other side of the door, she had gone to the club and he was no where to be found and so she made her way to his house, her mind couldnt help but remember what almost happened last time she was there and what had happened at the club the other night, she felt like a damn stalker, she was about to leave as she stood there, no answer on the other side of the door but then it opened and he stood there, looking two sheets to the wind, his hair a ragged mess, shirtless and shoeless he stood there, more stubble on his face then last time she saw him, actually the sight of him surprised her...

"what are you doing here" he said dryly as he looked at her, she was the last person he expected or wanted to see..

"I went by the club" she began and he sighed heavily, running his hand through his hair..."i was worried and apparently with good reason" she said honestly as she looked at him..

"your worried about me" he let out a sarcastic laugh.."do yourself a favor and dont" he went to close the door but she put her hand on it..

"what happened to you" she said as she held the door and looked at him..

"what are you a fucking shrink, leave it be Natalie you shouldnt be here, actually i dont want you here" he said rudely as she gulped and she stood there, her hand still on the door..

"are you drunk" she asked as the overwhelming smell of alcohol came off of him, she was literally worried for him..

"Your unbelievable you know that" he shook his head at her..

"have you eaten anything" she said low..

"seriously you need to get a life if your worried about my eating habits" he laughed..

"can i come in" she said as she stood there..

"Uh No, but you can leave" he went to close the door again but this time she shoved it and then shoved past him and stepped inside.."well why the hell do you ask if you can come in if your just gonna push your way in" he snapped and she looked at the mess, beer bottles laid everywhere as well as bottles of whiskey and scotch, the place looked like a tornado hit it, she walked around, he slammed the door shut and she spun to face him..

"You drank all of this" she said with shock, honestly she assumed if someone drank like this then they would have alcohol poisioning.

"what the hell are you really doing here Natalie" he barked at her..

"i told you i was worried" she said honestly..

"well your wasting your damn time" he walked past her and into the kitchen..

Natalie began picking up some of the bottles and made her way in the kitchen, in search of a garbage, he spun and looked at her..

"why are you still here, what are you doing" he looked at the bottles in her hand, she tossed them in a garbage..

"Im cleaning this place its trashed" she said quickly as she spun around from him, he grabbed her arm as she was about to walk away..

"dont touch my shit ok" he snapped at her.."im not your damn responsibility!" he yelled at her...

"well jesus John your gonna kill yourself in here" she said with emotion..

"Oh please if i wanted to off myself i would use my gun" he said sarcastically as he walked past her and down the hall.."show yourself out" he said as he slammed his bedroom door..

John collasped on his bed, he felt sick to his stomach and his head seem to have its own internal drum beat, he didnt even want to think of Natalie or anyone for that matter, he crashed right there on the bed..

Natalie spent the next two hours cleaning his place, she finally had it looking nice again, she had taken out the numerous trash bags that she filled and then she looked in his fridge, it was completely bare, he needed to eat that much she did know cause when he woke up he would be starving probably and she knew it wasnt her responsibility but she didnt care, she grabbed her car keys and went in search of food to bring to him..

It was about five hours since he had laid down and passed out, he awoke to the smell of something he hadnt woke up smelling in awhile, it smelt oddly like coffee, fresh brewed, he felt confused as he sat up running his hand through his hair, he couldnt remember a damn thing that had happened, he was drinking he remembered that but he still smelt coffee, he got up from his bed grabbed a tshirt from the floor and put it on and headed out of his room, stepping into the hall he smelt something else, food now he really felt like he was in the twilight zone as he scratched his head..

When he got to the livingroom he stopped, the place was unremarkable and clean, he could hear noise coming from the kitchen he slowly walked over there and then stopped when he saw natalie in the kitchen, she was putting food on a plate, it was some kind of take out, he thought he was dreaming..

She had heard a noise and turned and there he was, she studied his face to see if he was gonna give her the third degree again but he just stood there.."You made coffee" he said as he stood there, a bit confused as to why she was in his place..

"Im glad to see your not screaming at me" she said honestly.." i wasnt sure what you like to eat so i kind of grabbed a little bit of everything" she said as she faced him..

"screaming?" he said with confusion and then bits and pieces of it all began to come back to him..."Yeah im uh, sorry about that" he said low, feeling bad as he stood there..

"Its fine, you were drunk, wanna cup of coffee" she said and he stood there a bit nervously...

"yeah that would be great" He took a seat at the table.."You really didnt have to go out and get food" he began as she put a cup in front of him and sat across the table..

"i thought you'd probably want to eat" she said as she watched him, he was definitely sobered up now, he was being calm which was good..

"its good coffee" he said as he sipped it..She sipped her own cup.."you cleaned up too, thanks" he didnt know why she was being so nice to him, he remembered yelling at her and being a complete dick but yet here she was helping him.."the food smells good"

"here, its like a sampler platter" she said as she got up and handed him a dish of about ten different italian dishes, he looked at it..

"wow, it looks good" he said as he looked at it then at her..

"it is, i already ate" she stood there a bit uncomfortably.."so now that i know that your ok im gonna... im gonna go" she said as she began to walk past him but he reached out and grabbed her wrist, stopping her, she swallowed hard not knowing what to expect from him..

"you dont have to go" he said low.."stay"

She was a little taken back by his words, the softness of them, she stepped back some and he let go of her wrist..He gave her a soft smile and then began to eat, she took a seat at the other end of the table and sipped on her coffee..He ate as if he hadnt eaten in days, neither of them spoke until he was finished..

"Now that is probably the best italian food i have ever had" he said honestly as he leaned back in the chair..

"Mario's does have good food" she said as she got up and put her coffee cup in the sink, she stared out the window there for a second..

"so listen i know i came off as a jerk earlier, i really do appreciate what you did, im just really not use to it, ya know" he said honestly and she finally turned to face him..

"thats alright im kind of getting use to your outbursts by now" she said honestly..

"yeah well you shouldnt have to, i am sorry" he said seriously..

"yeah well friends help friends right" she forced a smile..

"yeah,... friends" he said as he finished his coffee..

The silence was beginning to become deafening.."so um this weekend, the party, do you really think Carlo will be there" she had to say something, anything..

"theres a good chance" he ran his hand through his hair..

"well good were just that much closer than" she said as she stood there, fidgeting with her hands...

"yeah well if it all goes as planned then i will be able to wrap up this case and hey the notarity you will get, well lets just say you will be the envy of the station" he said as he stood and finished off his coffee..

"yeah after my uncle totally flips out" she said with a nervous laugh..

"ah he will get over it" he walked over to the sink and she moved off to the side as he put the cup in it.."so its all good then, right.."

"sure" she faked another smile..

"well i should probably take a shower" he said as she stood there..

"yeah i will get out of here then, and i guess i will see you in a few days" she said as she began walking out of the room, he stood there for a minute, not saying anything but something in him made him follow her out of the room..

"hey listen im not really gonna do anything tonight if you wanted to watch a movie or something" he shocked himself and apparently her as she turned and faced him..

"I dont wanna be a pain" she said honestly..

"why dont you just find something on tv to watch, we can uh go over the case some more" he felt like an idiot as he stood there, running his hands nervously through his hair..

"yeah i mean if you want to" she said nervously.."it would be good to go over some of the things for the party"

"alright then its settled, i'll be right back" he said as he walked down the hall wondering what the hell he was doing,he had no idea but he did know he didnt want her to leave, not just yet..

Natalie felt like a ball of nerves as she sat on his couch flipping through the tv, he wanted her to stay, why? This was a softer side to him, she liked it but hell it made her stomach do backflips as she sat there, she couldnt concentrate on the tv..

John on the other hand was trying to understand why he had asked her to stay, he almost felt as if something had taken over him, this is exactlly what he didnt need, after his shower he got dressed in a tank top and a pair of jeans and headed into the livingroom, she hadnt noticed him right away as she sat on the couch, apparently heavy in thought, he couldnt help but notice how beautiful she really was, he almost found himself being more turned on with her dressing down then wearing the flashy outfits but he definitely loved those too.

"anything good on" his voice snapped her from her thoughts and she spun her head to see him standing there, god she hated how amazing he looked in a tank top and jeans with his hair wet and hanging in his face, she quickly looked away..

"not really, maybe you will have better luck" she handed him the remote and he took a seat about a foot away from her and flipped through the channels..

"so im thinking this party, its probably gonna be big, and well a suit and tie kind of thing" he said as he looked at her...

"Oh yeah, so are you saying i should wear a dress?" she looked at him, he looked too damn good in that tank top..

"probably wont be a bad idea, something racy but not too racy" he winked at her and she smiled and blushed some..

"i think i can do that" she looked back at the tv.."so that new girl Charly when are you gonna um see her" she tried to act nonchalant as she spoke..

"not sure, i was thinking maybe have her come to the club tomorrow" he flipped through the channels..

"oh well thats good" she kept her eyes on the tv, she didnt like that woman not one bit..

John could feel the tension rising in the room, he didnt like it, actually he didnt like the way he felt, she shifted some on the couch and his eyes landed between her legs, he hadnt noticed that she caught him until he glanced up and then he ran his hand through his hair.."how about some more coffee" he said as he got up, not waiting for any answer as he went into the kitchen, Natalie had totally saw him checking her out, why did he have to be so damn difficult!

Natalie stood from the couch and made her way over to where his fireplace was, she stood with her arms crossed just staring at the empty space, she didnt know what she was doing, it was like she was fighting a losing battle, John entered the room and saw her standing by the fireplace, he had two cups of coffee in hand, he cleared his throat some and she turned and began walking over to him, he handed her the cup but their fingers touched and their eyes locked, she searched his eyes for something, anything, he felt a lump fill in his throat, the way she looked at him, he had never had anyone look at him that way..

Natalie quickly took a sip of the coffee, she needed to get distance from him, she walked across the room.."good coffee" she said as she stood a few feet away..

"yeah" he said as he mentally beat himself up and then he took a seat on the couch.."so umm" he couldnt think of anything to say, he hated that, she made him speechless at time like a school boy with a crush..

"yeah...so" she sipped her coffee and took a seat next to him but they werent touching..

John flipped through the channels, he stopped at one, it was some reality show, he sat back and acted interested, so did she but neither of them were..

They sat and watched an entire show, sipping on coffee finally he was getting up at the same time she did, both done with their coffee.."here i'll take that" he said as he took her cup and she watched him walk in the kitchen, god she wanted to kiss him so bad it was killing her, he stayed in the kitchen for a second and kind of just tried to figure out what he was doing cause he had no idea, he headed back in the livingroom, she was grabbing her keys now..

"So i should probably go, its gettling late" she began, sitting there was pure torture..

"yeah it is kind of late" he ran his hand through his hair as he stood there..

"Ok so um i will see you later" she said as she turned for the door..

"hey um" he paused and she stopped..."thanks again, this was... nice"

Natalie didnt face him, she took a deep breath and closed her eyes..."Your welcome" she opened the door.."Bye John" she stepped out as he walked over to the door..

"Bye Natalie" he said as he closed the door..

Natalie made her way home, she felt sick as if she had just lost her chance with John but she was getting mixed signals from him and she didnt want to ruin the way it had gotten, they were ok with each other and that was nice, atleast better than it had been but she couldnt stop thinking of him, she couldnt stop thinking about what happened at the club and then how he was with her this afternoon, he had literally tried to drink himself to death and she wanted to know why, there had to be a reason and so she would find out, and she knew the one person that could help her, she called her brother Rex, he could definitely use his PI skills to find out about Agent McBain..

John went to bed early, still kind of hung over from the past two days he laid in his bed just staring into the dark room, his mind on a million and one things but the thing that stood out was her, she had took care of him today, he couldnt remember the last time anyone had took care of him and she hadnt needed to, he was a total dick to her and she still found it in herself to help me, she was a good person, he kept telling himself, way better than he could ever be, way better than he could ever give her..

He picked up his phone and looked at it and began sending a text..

Natalie laid in her bed, her mind everywhere, she had spoken to Rex and he had agreed to find out information on John, of course he didnt know what was going on between them, she had just said that she saw her uncle talking with him and she was curious and because Rex was so damn nosey all the time he agreed to help, she wondered if and when she got the information she wanted would it give her a glimpse into Johns head and possibly explain why he is the way he is..

A text went off on her phone and she jumped, maybe rex had found something already, she grabbed it and read it..

**Just wanted to make sure you got home ok, J-**

Natalie smiled when she saw the text, it was from him, had he cared that much to make sure she got home ok, she began to text back..

As soon as John hit send on the text he immediately regretted it, now he just looked like a freak, if he could of hid his head in the sand he would of..The sound of a text alerted him, he picked up his phone and read it..

**Safe and sound, getting ready for bed, you?**

Natalie sat with her legs crossed on her bed, the sound of a text going off made her smile more..

**Same here, im not even drinking so thats a first, J-**

John laid back in his bed, he couldnt believe he was sitting here texting like a kid but the sound of another text had him sitting up like school boy with a crush..

**I think you did enough drinking for a few days plus im not gonna become your personal maid although i did see a cute maid outfit ;) LOL  
**

Natalie blushed as soon as she hit send, she couldnt believe she was flirting with him through text, oddly enough it was way easier to do on the phone then it was in person..She looked at her phone as another text came through..

**Maid outfit huh, now that could be tempting J-  
**  
John laid back in the bed, his cock was as hard as a rock thinking about her in a maids outfit, he grinned as he sat there, wondering where this would lead too.

**As tempting as the school girl outfit?**

Natalie swallowed hard as she sat back waiting for him to respond..

John adjusted himself as he sat there, his eyes getting wide..

**I dont think i can afford to ruin anymore of my pants ;) J-**

Natalie laughed out loud as she read what he wrote..

**Then maybe you should take them off next time ;P**

John gulped when he read what she wrote..

**Your killing me Natalie J-**

She grinned as she read his message, another one immediately came through..

**I may have that same problem in a few minutes J-**

John began stroking himself through his jeans, too much material though and he quickly removed his jeans and laid back in his boxer briefs..

**I dont believe you, i call your bluff**

She laughed as she wrote it but then her phone rang and she stiffened some, she saw his name and she was literally shaking as she answered..

"so you think im lying" his breathing was heavy as he spoke, he had his cock in his hand as he stroked himself, he couldnt believe he had resorted to this..

"ummm" she said nervously..."what exactlly are you doing" she gulped as she waited for his response..

"use your imagination" he rasped into the phone and her eyes got wide, she really thought he was doing it, he was touching himself and it was oddly erotic to listen to him, she had never thought in a million years she would listen to him do that on the phone.."I should probably go"

"Umm wait, dont go yet" she said quickly, she could hear him groan in the background, she definitely was aroused.."maybe i could help you next time" she turned red as she spoke..

He groaned loud as he stroked himself harder.."maybe i could teach you" he was so close as he stroked himself listening to her voice..

"you could teach me right now" she gulped and then the phone line went dead.."hello? Hello? " she said as she sighed, had she freaked him out, now she felt way more than embarassed, so much so she couldnt even text him as she laid in her bed.."good job Natalie, way to scare him off" she scolded herself as she laid there..

It was about 15 minutes later when she heard a knock at her door and she sprung up out of bed, her heart racing as she got up, dressed in merely boxers and tshirt she walked slowly to her door, a knock was heard again, she slowly opened and there he was, dressed like before but something totally different in his eyes, she couldnt even say anything as he walked in and pulled her against him, kissing her passionately as she gasped, he kicked her door closed..

The sound of a text message woke her abruptly, she must of fallen asleep..

**Sorry bout that, phone died, im really gonna go to bed now..goodnight Natalie J-**

Natalie sighed heavily, damn her dreams, she had wished it was real, she groaned in frustration as she laid there..

**Goodnight John**, she texted back to him as he sat there, now somewhat sated as he laid in his bed, damn it he didnt know how much longer he could do this!


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

By the next day natalie was on edge waiting for John to call, she had literally stayed home all day trying to get herself into character for the weekend, she had practiced in front of the mirror, tried on some dresses that she had in her closet, she was definitely a nervous wreck, she contemplated texting John or calling him but she didnt want to seem like a pain, they were getting along slowly but surely things were looking up, she didnt want to ruin that but the fact that he hadnt called was weighing heavy on her, she was nervous and excited as she waited for his call but it never came and by 8 pm she had had enough waiting, she would go to him and maybe tonight would end up different, so she grabbed her keys heading to the one place she knew she could find him..

The drive there was nerve racking, she remembered John saying that he would see Charly today, she wondered if thats why she didnt get a call, if he was so wrapped up with this damn woman, suddenly driving to his place seemed like a bad idea maybe she wasnt ready to see him with another woman but then again maybe she was overreacting, for all she knew he could of been at home drunk off his ass again but something told her he wasnt.

She pulled up to his club and immediately saw his car but it wasnt the only car there, she stiffened and her stomach began to do flips, she almost just drove away but her damn legs pushed her out of the car, heading inside it was pretty quite, she looked around and then heard laughing, it was a females voice, she felt sick as she headed to the double doors but before she could open them John walked through, he had apparently heard the bell when she arrived..

She wasnt expecting what she saw, John shirtless, sweating, almost a deer in the headlight looks when he stopped and saw her.."hey i wasnt expecting you" he seemed nervous natalie noted as she stood there..

"hey i ummm, i uh" hell she didnt even know what to say to him...

"everything ok, i mean i was gonna call you later" he said quickly but jealousy was quickly getting the best of her, before she could say anything a womans voice was heard..

"Oh John, i mean Sir" the woman laughed.."You cant leave me all hot and bothered like this" the woman laughed again and Natalie stiffened as she looked at John, he looked guilty as hell.

She didnt even wait for John to respond as she slightly pushed the door, there was Charly in her panties and bra up on a table, strapped down..

"natalie, dont" John said quickly, he didnt want Natalie to see that..

"Oh" was all she could say as she stood there.."I didnt know you were busy" she turned from him, she almost felt like crying..

"natalie wait" John called out as Charly yelled for him again, the look of hurt washing over Natalies face was too much too bear, and in all honesty nothing had happened with him and Charly, well technically nothing had happened.

"No its fine i shouldnt of came" she said as she began to step out, he grabbed her arm stopping her..

"hey dont be upset i thought everything was cool between us" he began, honestly he was just talking out of his ass, he knew how bad it looked..

"i dont even want to... i.. uh.." she couldnt breath as she sat there, she literally felt like he had taken out her heart and stomped on it, she yanked her arm back.."i just i gotta go" she felt the tears pricking her eyes now as she began to walk again, he could hear it in her voice...

"natalie just wait right here ok,... just give me a second ok" he said quickly as he went to uncuff Charly from the table, he didnt know why he felt the need to explain to her that nothing happened cause in the past he never would but she looked crushed, it hurt him to know he made her feel that way, he rushed back in to Charly.."listen im sorry but i gotta go" he said as he began to uncuff her, the sound of a car peeling out in the parking lot made his head turn.."shit" he cursed under his breath..

"john what the hell is going on" Charly was definitely annoyed at this point..

"listen i just have to go" he fumbled with the last cuff, it didnt want to come off.." fuck why wont this fucking thing come off" he was panicking now, he knew Natalie had already taken off and it wasnt like he could keep this woman tied to the table and leave..

"why are you freaking out, this is the second time that you screwed me over" she said angrily as the cuff came undone, she shot up from the table but he was already running for his shirt.."so thats it your just gonna take off?" she yelled with surprise..

"Listen im sorry, really" he said as he darted out of there, he had to find natalie and explain to her what had happened..

Natalie drove like a bat out of hell, she hadnt expected to see what she did, he had blew her off today for Charly and they had been doing god knows what but she saw the look of shock on his eyes when he saw her, whatever it is they were doing he hadnt wanted her to see, how could she of been so stupid to believe that maybe, possibly something would of come out of her and John! She was angry and upset with herself for being so niave, for trusting her feelings..

She didnt even know where to drive, she was a mess so the fact that she ended up in front of the art gallery wasnt such a surprise, she didnt even know why she went there, surely Cris never wanted to see her again but she felt lost, helpless, she got out of her car just needing to get away as the tears streamed down her face, Cris just happened to be coming out to throw some trash out, he stopped and looked at her..

"natalie?" he looked shocked, she couldnt even talk, she just began to cry.."hey, hey what happened" he said in a surprisingly comforting tone as he came up to her..

"Im sorry i know i shouldnt come here..but...i just didnt know where else to go" she began to break down..

"hey its ok" he put his arm around her and she hugged him tight as she cried..."come on lets get you inside"

John wasnt driving safe at all as he made his way into Lanview, he had to find her, he was worried, beyond worried, he had completely fucked everything up, he immediately drove to her apartment, knocking like a mad man, she wasnt there, he racked his mind and took off running back to his car, he would try that bar Rodi's..

John had tried every place in Lanview, she was nowhere to be found and it wasnt like he could just call her uncle or her dad, he felt like shit as he ended back up Rodi's quite a few beers in front of him, the image of hurt on her face was haunting him as he sat there, it was nearly midnight now and he felt helpless as he left the bar, he did one last look around the town and then he saw it, her car, it was parked and he quickly pulled next to it and glanced up at the builing that was next to it, it was an Art Gallery, he walked inside, it was dark but the doors were still unlocked, why would she be there?

A light caught his attention, it was at the top of stairs and he began walking, he didnt even care if this was trespassing at this point, he went up each step not knowing what he would find, he stopped when he saw a door, a soft light was on, he pushed the door open and his eyes laid on a bedroom and there she was laid in bed but not alone, definitely not alone, she was with that guy from the bar, the one she had brought home, they were sleeping and he could see she was naked beneath the sheet, her head on this guys bare chest, he stood for another minute, he had been too late, he turned and left, completely crushed..

Natalie awoke to the sun shining, her head was slightly pounding as she sat up, bringing the covers with her as she looked around, images from the night before filling her head, she had began drinking wine with Cris, one thing began leading to another, her eyes got wide as the realization hit her, she heard footsteps and she turned, Cris was walking in, coffee in hand..

"hey goodmorning" he said with a soft smile as he walked over to her, her eyes darted to a large canvas by the window...

"goodmorning" she said low as she gratefully took the coffee.."whats that" she pointed to the canvas..

"something i made for you last night" he seemed a bit nervous as he walked over to it and turned it to face her and she gasped, it was a painting of her sleeping, she was touched..

"wow its beautiful" she said honestly as she stood, holding the blanket on her naked body..

"no, its all you...your beautiful" he said with a smile as she walked over to it and touched it..

"thank you" she began as she looked at him.."i dont know what to say"

"You dont have to say anything, i wanted to do it" he smiled..

"Im sorry about last night, about" her mind began to drift as she stood there, she had almost lost her virginity to Cris last night, she was so incredibly close but she couldnt do it and surprisingly enough he had stopped and then just held her all night, it was nice, but definitely not nice enough for her to remember why she ended up there in the first place...

"No problem, i think last night was probably the best sleep i have had in awhile" he said honestly and she sipped her coffee as she stood there..

John awoke with his neck killing him, he picked his head up from his desk and he looked around, an empty bottle of vodka broken on the ground, he groaned as he realize he had been at the club all night, his memory was fuzzy, he had begun drinking, alot, he rubbed his eyes as he sat there, images of her in bed with that guy flooded his head..

Natalie had thanked Cris for being there as she got ready to leave, he was really a decent guy, when she got to her car she saw her phone on the passenger seat, it was flashing with messages and she picked it up..

**Natalie where are you, i need to talk to you J-**

Another one read..

**Natalie please just tell me where you are J-**

Natalie couldnt even read the rest as she sat there, she was tired of his games, one minute he was hot and then he was cold, her heart couldnt take all of that, she just couldnt, she began to text him back.

John was now picking up the broken pieces of bottle off the floor when he heard his phone go off, he had recieved a text, he immediately grabbed his phone..

**Just wanted to let you know i am officially off of the case**

John immediately dialed her number but it just rang and rang, he was pissed as he got up and grabbed his car keys..

Natalie got back home and immediately jumped in the shower, she had finally stopped crying and now she just felt numb, she had to go off of the case, her sanity couldnt take anymore of johns games, she felt sick to her stomach at the idea of what she had witnessed and how he was just an uncaring bastard who used women for his own benefit, and here she was wanting to lose her virginity to him what a huge mistake that would of been..

She had just put a pair of yoga pants on and a tshirt, she would stay in all day and lick her wounds, she had turned her phone off, she didnt want to hear from him anymore but a knocking was heard on her door, she wasnt even thinking it would be him when she got up to answer it, she thought maybe Rex or Gigi but definitely not him, so when she opened the door and saw him standing there she froze, he was the last person she wanted to see..

"i have nothing to say to you" she went to close the door on him,he looked like shit again as if he had been drinking, he smelt like alcohol too, his hand caught the door.

"how can you just drop out of the case" he said angrily as he stood there..

"because i decide what i want to do for myself" she snapped back at him..

"yeah i guess thats what you do" he pushed past her and walked in her apartment, she huffed, he was unbelievable..

"you know i really dont have time for your games today alright, i have a head ache" she began and he laughed a little..

"Im sure thats not all you got, by the way hows that guy of yours, is he here too" he said as he began walking around like a crazy man..

"excuse me, what the hell are you talking about" she snapped..

"Oh you know exactlly what i am talking about, i just really cant believe you, i thought..oh hell who gives a shit what i think" he snapped angrily at her..

"i dont know what the hell your talking about and since your clearly drunk i want you to leave, now" she said as she stood there, trying to be as strong as she could be..

"I hope it was all you thought it would be" he said as he shook his head..

"did you follow me last night!' she snapped as she looked at him..Had he seen her with Cris, had he thought she had lost her virginity, good, maybe then that would be for the best, she let him think that, she was angry and tired of him toying around with her..

"you know i really thought you were different but i was wrong" he began as he looked at her.

"you act like the god damn virgin police around me! Why the hell are you trying to save my virtue when your out screwing everyone in god creation, your a fucking hypocrite! What i do with my life is my damn business and lets not forget how clear you made it that your the bad guy here and you know what i see that now" she yelled at him..

"yeah i guess you would see it that way" he was lost for words, she was right..

Now she laughed.."you know this is so typical of you! God! What is wrong with you seriously, i am not one of your play things that you can toss around, i was wrong about you, very wrong and i see that now, you are way more screwed up then i ever imagined, no wonder you dont get into relationships, who the hell would put up with your bipolar ass!" she yelled at him, oddly enough what she said was almost exactly what Catilin had said to him, he turned from her..

"im leaving now" he said low, he didnt want to hear anymore of what she had to say..

"oh thats just like you huh, just run away from your problems, you know what you should invest in a psychiatrist!" she yelled

"you know what, have a good life Natalie" he said low as he left her apartment and she stood there, feeling like more shit then she had before..

Tears of an angel

Cover my eyes  
Cover my ears  
Tell me these words are a lie  
It cant be true  
That I'm losing you  
The sun cannot fall from the sky

Can you hear heaven cry  
Tears of an angel  
Tears of aaaaaaaa...  
Tears of an angel  
Tears of an angel.

Stop every clock  
Stars are in shock  
The river will flow to the sea  
I wont let you fly  
I wont say goodbye  
I wont let you slip away from me

Can you hear heaven cry  
Tears of an angel  
Tears of aaaaaaaa...  
Tears of an angel  
Tears of an angel.

So hold on  
Be strong  
Everyday on we'll go  
I'm here, dont you fear

Little one dont let go  
(ooooooooooohhhhhhhhh)  
Dont let go  
(ooooooooooohhhhhhhhh)  
Dont let go  
(ooooooooooohhhhhhhhh)

Cover my eyes  
Cover my ears  
Tell me these words are a lie


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

It had been another two days since John came barging in her apartment, she tried to tell herself this was for the best, the last thing she needed was to get wrapped up in him, he apparently had way too many issues and she could easily lose her sanity being around him but she hurt, she hurt alot..

She knew what today was, it was the day of the party, she tried not to think about it, she was sure he would just use Charly, why the hell not he seem to use whoever he wanted anyways..

She had been keeping in touch with Cris as well and things were, well normal and right about now normal was good, they actually had plans tonight to head over to Capricorn for dinner, she kept telling herself if she could just get over this John thing she would be fine, and Cris was decent and kind, plus he didnt have all this emotional baggage with him..Her eyes darted to the canvas leaning against her wall, it was the one Cris painted of her, it really was a beautiful dictation of her sleeping, the blanket barely covering her naked body, it was risky and yet beautiful at the same time, see this is what she deserved not some guy who changed his mind constantly..

John fixed his tie as he looked in the mirror, he had barely slept in the last two days, he felt like crap and now tonight it all came to this and instead of having natalie by his side he had Charly, honestly he should be grateful that her had a quick replacement but its not who he wanted but it was for the best, Natalie was right, he was fucked up in the head..

He would get this case over and done with and leave as quickly as possible, maybe even take a long vacation out of the country, he checked his watch again, it was time, he took off.

Natalie sat nervously across from Cris as they sipped on their drinks, her mind kept going back to what she was suppose to be doing today but right now she had the company of a really great guy, and well Gigi and Rex were gonna be showing up soon too, this is what she needed right now..

They talked about nothing at all really, Cris was very respectful not to bring up John or the incident from her apartment, she kind of thought that he understood now what had happened and well he seemed happy just to have her there with him tonight..

By the time Gigi and Rex showed up they all began having shots as a band played in the background, it was about this time that Cris got up, smiling at her.."You wanna dance" he held his hand out to her..

"Ok" she smiled as Gigi beamed, she was really happy for natalie, both couples went on the dance floor..

"im really glad you decided to come out with me tonight"Cris said as they swayed back and forth slowly..

"its been nice" she said honestly..

John and Charly had been mingling at the house party, but it really wasnt a house more like a huge estate outside of Lanview, and it was definitely packed, Charly had kept up her end of the bargain even though there was a bit of tension there, she was nothing but professional as they made their way around, ending up on a balcony to discuss what to do next, Scott was no where to be found, actually John hadnt seen him since they arrived and that wasnt necessarily good..

They moved to the balcony, to the unknowing eye it looked as though they were having an intimate moment but in reality they were discussing what to do next..

"John there you are, i was beginning to think you wouldnt come" Scott said behind him and he turned to face him.."oh.. i see you brought someone different" he said with a bit of disappointment to his voice..

"Oh hey Scott" John tried to be nonchalant.."This is Charly, my other pet got a cold" he lied as he introduced the two, Scott seemed to look her up and down, apparently not impressed..

"well thats a shame, do you mind if i have a word with you" he looked at Charly.."in private"

John looked to Charly who had her eyes casted down.."enjoy the air out here my pet, i will be right back" John said as he left her standing there and followed Scott through the house, he had a feeling this wasnt good..

"i have to say i am a bit disappointed"Scott began as he lead John into a study and he began to grab a drink.."i was hoping to see Red" he looked at John, handing him a drink, John took a hearty sip..

"charly is a wonderful pet" John began as Scott raised an eyebrow at him..

"well im sure she is but" Scott began to pace.."see i have a problem now, i sort of told someone about Red and well lets just say he is very interested and now, well now i dont know what to tell him"

John knew he was talking about Carlo, he quickly finished his drink.."well maybe you can explain to this man, i think he would be very happy with my pet"

Scott smiled big.."Come on John, were both men here, you cant show me filet mignon and then bring me a damn burger" he seemed mad now as he walked up to John.."I want my filet and nothing less"

John was beginning to panic, Natalie wanted nothing to do with him and he really didnt see it panning out this way.."I could see what i can do" he said quickly...

"lets hope you do" Scott put down his glass..."when you have what i want then you give me a call" Scott walked away leaving John standing there..

After a few more drinks and a few more dances natalie was finally beginning to remember what normal felt like, she had headed outside for fresh air, Cris came with her as they stood outside and she breathed deep..

"its a beautiful night out" he said as he looked at her and she glanced at him..

"you know it is" she said honestly and he moved his hand to her cheek, she felt nervous, he was going to kiss her and honestly she hadnt kissed him since that day back at the gallery when she was crying hysterically, he leaned in to her and she gulped but right before his lips touched hers, her phone went off ringing almost obnoxiously as she pulled back from him..

John was sitting in his car now, he had just dropped off Charly at home and now he was trying to get in touch with Natalie, he had contemplated calling her, he almost hadnt but he needed her, the case needed her he kept telling himself as he dialed and it rang and rang..

"Just pick up Natalie, pick up" he said low as he held the phone but nothing..

Natalie quickly looked at her phone, she saw it was him and she felt sick all over again, her mind went to what tonight represented, had something happened, she began to wonder or was he just calling to rub something else in her face, she didnt answer..

"is everything ok?" Cris asked as he looked at her.."do you need to answer that?"

Natalie thought long and hard about it for a second and then she shut off her phone, she wasnt going to do this, she wasnt going to let him ruin what had been a good night.."No it's nothing " she said as she shoved her phone back in her pocket..

Her phone went to voicemail as John sat there, he immediately dialed again, eventually she would have to answer but this time it didnt even ring, she had turned off her phone.."Damn it natalie!' he yelled out as he looked at his phone and then he took off ..

The sweet moment between Cris and Natalie that had came was now just as quickly gone as she stood in front of him, she could tell he wanted to say something..

"You know if there is someone else Natalie" he began and she swallowed hard as she looked at him, had it been that obvious..

"what? No...that was just... no one" she said low and he looked at her softly..

"i remember that guy you know, the one from the bar" he began to walk a bit as he spoke.."the one you said you didnt know but yet he showed up at your place and well, you know the rest" he finally looked at her..

"Listen Cris that was,... i was going through a weird phase but i can tell you this, there is nothing and i mean nothing going on between me and him" she said nervously, she liked Cris, she really did, he could be good for her, he would be..

"yeah i would like to believe that but he is why you came to the gallery crying the other day, isnt he" she hated that he was now bringing this up, she had hoped they just wouldnt talk about it cause she surely didnt want to, but who was she kidding, of course he would eventually want to talk about it, thats what people did they talked about things bothering them, they didnt just drink themselves into a stupor..

"i was upset that day and yes it may of been because of him but thats over now" she said honestly even thought she didnt quite believe it herself..

"that was him calling, wasnt it" he looked at her, she didnt answer as she looked at him, guilty written all over her face.."listen Natalie i like you, alot" he smiled.."but i cant allow myself to get invested in something if.." he touched her face and then let his hand drop..

"I like you too" she said honestly..

"maybe you just need a little time to figure out what you really want" he smiled but there was sadness behind his words, damn it why did he have to be such a good guy..

"Cris" she began to say as he looked her..

"please dont say anything just yet, sleep on it" he took her hand in his..."you know where you can find me" he kissed her hand and she felt like crap, she couldnt find the right words to say.."let me bring you home" all she could do was nod as they took off..

John couldnt believe he was sitting in the parking lot yet again of her apartment building, he had already knocked several times and no answer, he was trying to figure out his next move when a car pulled in across the way, his eyes locked in and he saw her red hair, she was with that guy, it felt like he was kicked in the gut, it looked like they were hitting it off well, bitterness filled him as he watched her walk into her building without noticing him, atleast that douche bag wasnt heading inside he thought to himself as the car pulled off and he quickly jumped out of his car and headed to the building to see her.

Natalie had just gotten inside and kicked off her shoes when she heard a knock, she immediately thought it was Cris and she opened the door..it was John, dressed in a black suit, his tie already undone and a few buttons as well, she hated to admit it but he looked incredibly handsome standing there..

"expecting someone else" John said as he saw the surprised look on her face, he hated the fact that he knew she thought it was that guy...

"what are you doing here" she snapped coldly at him as her heart raced..

"I called" he began and she rolled her eyes..

"so what am i suppose to do drop everything cause you call" she said sarcastically as she held the door..

"tonight was important, i told you that" he said angrily, she rolled her eyes at him..

"and i am sure you did just fine without me, now if you dont mind" she went to close the door but he put his hand on it.."you know this is getting really old" she shook her head..

"no you wanna know what is getting old, the fact that you cant keep up your end of the bargain, the fact that your too busy running around town with some guy that you forget about your responsibilities!" he yelled at her..

"why are you so worried about who i run around with John! You already got your hands full with that Charly chic so why dont you just leave me the hell alone" she went to slam the door again but he pushed it open this time and stepped in, he slammed it behind him.."you know my uncle warned me about you feds, your all the same, you use someone without caring about the consequences" she snapped at him..

"using? You agreed to this, you practically begged me for this chance" he yelled back at her..

"Yeah well if i would of know what a fucking freak you were then i would of thought twice" she yelled..

"so this is it, this is how you thank me for helping you, real mature Natalie!" he snapped at her..

"ahh mature, lets talk about that" she began to laugh sarcastically..."Your the one who cant have a regular conversation without yelling at me, im not your fucking play thing John, you are not a dungeon master your a fucking FBI Agent that cant deal with reality so you slip into this world to hide from your real life!" it actually felt good for her to yell that at him.

"oh what is this you want honesty right now, is that it" he snapped at her as he paced the room..

"you dont even know the meaning to that word" she said bitterly to him..

His eyes darted to a freshly painted picture of her, she was in bed, he saw red as it looked at it then at her.."oh look at you so high and mighty now that you feel like a real woman" he said coldly and her hand came across his face hard..

"you have no right to say anything to me, your nothing to me, NOTHING, just a pathetic excuse for a man" she yelled at him..

He just stood there and let the sting of the slap come over him, he honestly didnt know what to say..

"why did you really come here, Why, why cant you just leave me be and let me be happy" she yelled as her voice cracked with emotion..

"and your happy with him?" he said low..

She rolled her eyes fighting back tears.."great here we go again, you wanna put another guilt trip on me, go for it" she turned her back to him, she was so upset, so angry with him and yet still so very hurt by him..

"i dont even know why i came" he said with a defeated tone..

"then just leave ok" she crossed her arms over her chest refusing to look at him as the tears now streamed down her face..

He didnt say anything for a minute.."I ... I fucked up ok.. is that what you want to hear me say, i dont even know what i am doing anymore" he spoke quietly but she couldnt even face him.."I had a plan when i took this case, i had everything figured out and then out of no where its like your all i can think about and i honestly dont know what to do with that" his words made her turn and look at him, she was shocked , surprised, his face full of emotion.."i told myself i would just follow the rules but i cant" he swallowed hard as he looked at her tear soaked face.."im not like this, this soft guy who gets over run by emotions but then you.. i dont know what you did to me Natalie but you want honesty, well thats about as honest as i can get"

"i just,...i just dont want to get hurt by you" she said with tears as he walked up to her now, putting his hand on her face, he rubbed her cheek, his eyes filling up slightly..

"seven days being with you, thats all it took, seven days for me to fall for you" he searched her eyes as he beared his soul to her and then he took her lips with his, kissing her softly, the tears flowed as she kissed him back, her hands wrapping around his neck as the kiss deepened, he pulled back and they looked into each others eyes for a second and then his mouth fell onto hers again..

Their lips were touching urgently and then he was lifting her and pushing her back on the couch as his body crushed into hers, his tongue made love with hers as she pulled at his shirt and he pulled back quick, pulling his shirt over his head as she did the same thing with hers, she reached behind herself and unclasped her bra as it fell and he sucked in a breath as he took in the sight of her gorgeous breasts, she reached up and pulled on his belt, he began to help her, almost urgently and then she was yanking down her own pants as he kicked off his shoes, socks and pants, finally hovering over her in just delicious nakedness, his mouth fell on hers again as he touched her face..

She spread her legs as he nestled between them, the heavy weight of his manhood pressing between her legs as his mouth trailed to her neck, placing open mouthed kisses on it, she closed her eyes and her body relaxed some, she couldnt believe this was happening, it was really happening, he licked back up her neck as she closed her eyes again, her entire body tingled and she pulled his mouth back to hers and then she felt it, the head of his cock push against her, it was a slow constant move, he groaned against her mouth, she was so tight against him, he nearly came at the feeling of her and then like a barrier broke down he filled her body and she cried out, clawing his back as the sudden onset of pain grabbed her, he had felt it too, it wasnt a familiar feeling, he pulled back and looked at her, the tears in her eyes, fresh tears and he looked down between them, her blood began trickling down his shaft..

"natalie" he said with concern as he looked at her, she hadnt lost her virginity to Cris, actually he had just taken it now..

"please dont stop" she said with tears as he looked at her, his heart racing..

"i dont want to hurt you" he said low as he caressed the side of her face..

"you wont...i ...i trust you" She swallowed back the pain she felt but it was definitely letting up some..."please" she whispered as she pulled his mouth down to hers.."make love to me"

His lips crashed into hers as he stayed embedded in her body letting her adjust to the mere size of him and then he began moving slow, very slow, cautiously waiting for a response from her incase he needed to stop but she wrapped her legs around his waist, forcing him in deeper and he groaned as he rocked his hips slowly against her, he held her face as he kissed her..

Her breathing got shallower as she began to pant, it definitely wasnt a feeling she was use to, the pain was still there but it was becoming something more, pleasure was slowly going through her, she didnt know it would feel like this, the feeling unlike any other and she clawed his bare back, egging him on further as he continued to rock against her body, and then he felt it, her body reacting to his, her walls beginning to clench at him and pulsate around him as she kissed him more urgently, her soft moans pouring into his mouth, he could feel her cumming and it only drove him further, his thrusts got a little faster, his own release creeping up on him, she began to moan louder now and he broke his mouth from hers groaning into the air as he filled her body, he couldnt even remember cumming that hard, his body was sweating and he was literally shaking as he fell onto her, still embedded in her as he put his face into the crook of her neck, breathing heavy as was she..

They laid there like that for a few more minutes as he kissed her neck softly, he looked up at her and she smiled softly at him, his lips came down on hers again and then slowly he pulled back..

"wow" she said a bit breathless as he pushed a piece of her hair back..

"definitely wow" he said as he brushed her hair out of her eyes.."you didnt say anything" he said softly..

"are you mad, i... i wanted it to be you" she whispered nervously not sure if he was going to flip out or not..

"Im glad it was me" he said as he took her mouth again with his..


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

Natalie began to stir as she laid in her bed, a huge smile on her face, she thought she had to be dreaming cause the images in her head were too damn good to be true, they had made love throughout the night and she honestly never thought she would feel this way..

"goodmorning" she felt him brush her hair from her face and her eyes opened, he was leaning on one arm just looking at her, a soft smile on his face..

"a very good morning" she said with a rested sigh.."I had the best dream" she looked at him..

"Oh yeah and what was that" he played with her hand between his fingers..

"that we made love all night and it was absolutely amazing" she smiled at him..

"well then we both had the same dream" he finished as he leaned down and took her mouth in a soft kiss and then he slowly pulled back, she pouted at the loss of contact..He grinned at her.."you will be the death of me Natalie"

"its a good way to go" she grinned and then pulled his mouth onto hers, she couldnt believe how much she ached for his body, it was this uncontrollable urge to feel him take her, his strong arms, his legs, his ass, the way his cock filled her body, he pulled back again..

He was breathless as he looked at her, seriously he wanted nothing more than to ravage her again and again.."your body needs to recover" he said seriously as he looked at her..

"My body feels just fine" she grinned and he sat up now and she sighed.."no fair"

"In moderation" he laughed as he got up and she sat up, looking at his gorgeous naked body, she felt like she was in a trance.."believe me if i could i would keep you in this bed for days" he looked at her and playfully rolled his eyes as he saw her checking him out, he pulled up with pants and she pouted some..

"i think days at a time sounds wonderful" she fell back in the bed, she could still feel him touching her, she wondered if that feeling would ever go away..

"first things first, we need food, or atleast i need food" he grinned at her as he looked for his shirt..

"looking for something" she grinned at him as he looked up at she was on her knees naked on the bed, his shirt in her hands, he bit back a groan, she was absolutely beautiful, all of her..

"ah playing dirty" he grinned as he walked over and she moved on the bed some making him have to climb on to get her.."you know you cant win" he growled as he pinned her down on the bed and she gasped..

"maybe i dont wanna win" she said as he took her mouth aggressively, he was just about to yank his pants back off and claim defeat when his phone began ringing, he pulled his mouth from hers.."ah bad timing" she sighed as he sat up..

"hang on it may be important, last night something happened with Scott" he began to say as he looked at his phone, he didnt recognize the number but he answered..

"Hello its John" he said into the phone..

Natalie had almost forgotten about last night, about how he had gone to the party, with all the drama that ensued between them she had never asked him what happened, but apparently something had, something big, she wondered what..

"Jonathon, Scott has told me wonderful things about you, my name is Carlo and i have a few things i would like to discuss with you" John felt his pulse race, it was the man himself on the phone, what were the odds, he looked at Natalie, gesturing that it was Carlo and her eyes got wide as she sat up..

"carlo let me start off by saying what an absolute pleasure it is to finally meet you" John began in his most charming voice..

"i wish i could say the same thing but im a little upset, Scott told me about this wonderful new pet of yours, red is her name" he began and John swallowed hard, after spending the night with natalie he definitely was having second thoughts about handing her over to this mad man, even if it was for the case.."you didnt bring her last night, i do hope her cold is better"

"Much better now" John said as he looked at Natalie.."I would love to meet up with you and maybe we could discuss things further"

"thats what i like to hear and do bring Red, i always like to try out my merchandise before hand" John didnt like the way he talked about her, it made him feel sick to his stomach..

"well i was hoping we could have a private meeting first" John began..

"bring her or dont come at all" Carlo said in a loud tone..

"understood" John bit his tongue..

"good, im having dinner on my boat tonight, please join me, i will be taking off from the Lanview docks at 7pm"

"then i will be there,...with Red" John said as he looked at her and her eyes got wide, this was really happening, like tonight..

John hung up the phone and sighed as he ran his hand through his hair, Natalie could see the stress in his face, he was worried..

"You know its gonna be fine, this is what we worked up to right" she tried to be reassuring and he looked at her..

"this guy is a sick mother fucker, pardon my french" he said quickly, he definitely was having an internal battle, he didnt want to have her involved with this now, not after last night, too much had happened.."he wants us to meet him tonight" he said low, worry consuming his voice as he stood up and put on his shirt..

"you know nothing has changed John, i can still do this" she said positively..

"Im glad you feel so good about this, i dont" he said as he rubbed his neck..She got up off the bed and moved behind him, she put her hands on his neck and massaged it as he sighed.."im not leaving you alone with him" he said seriously as she rubbed his neck..

"John i can take care of myself" she said low and he turned to face her, taking her face in his hands..

"for the first time in my life i have something to lose and if something happened to you" his sweet words touched her and she smiled at him..

"but nothing will happen, we will meet with him and go from there, im not worried, you shouldnt be either" she said honestly..

"Your the most amazing woman i know, i mean that" he said as he rubbed his thumb over her lip and then kissed her softly.."But you need to get dressed and i need to call my guys and let them know whats going down, if were doing this then i need a plan and backup" he said as he pulled back from her..

She went to protest him leaving the room but her phone began to ring.."crap i should probably get that"

"yeah well if its your boy then you better tell him that your taken, i dont want to have to kick anyones ass" he grinned as he kissed her forehead and walked out of the room, she smiled big as she thought of his words, 'your taken', she blushed from head to toe, her phone rang some more, she quickly grabbed it and saw it was her brother Rex..

"hey Rex whats up" she said cheerfully..

"wow up early and happy, someone had a good night" he laughed.."by the way i just want you to know that Cris is a great guy" he began and Natalie swallowed hard, he assumed her happiness was caused from Cris, well for now she would let him think that..

"yeah" she said as she swallowed hard..

"But check this out Nat, that guy, the FBI Agent, holy shit this guy is one fucked up mess, and you said he is working for Bo?" Rex said as Natalie stiffened, right about now she didnt want to know what rex found out, she was beginning to feel sick..

"well not really working for him but.." she whispered as she could hear John talking on his phone, she began to get dressed as Rex continued..

"well supposedly this dude had to take a leave of absence a few years back, it was only for 6 months but he almost killed a guy, apparently his old lady was knocking boots with a friend of his, the guy went off the deep end, their ended up being restraining orders against him from his fiancee Caitlyn something or another, he move quite a few times, the dude has an arrest sheet a mile long, mainly public intoxication and battery charges, damn Feds can get away with anything these days" Rex huffed..

Natalie swallowed hard, he had a fiancee, things were beginning to pan out now, the way he behaved, his thoughts on relationships and what not..

"the guy is bad news, definitely not what this town needs, i should tell Bo" rex began, he always had a soft spot for Bo, they had become very close over the years and with Rex getting himself in and out of trouble with the PI business, well Bo had helped him out alot, he looked up to his Uncle"

"No.." Natalie said quickly and then tried to play it cool.."Bo already has enough on his plate Rex, lets just drop it ok"

"drop it? This dude is like a loose cannon waiting to erupt" Rex said defensively...

"yeah well you know better than anyone that people do change Rex" she said quickly..She could hear John getting off the phone, her heart began to race.."listen thank you for what you did, but i will handle it from here ok"

"but Nat" Rex began..

"Please just let me do this, i gotta go ok" she said as she hung up just in time for John to walk in the room..

"so i spoke with my guys, all we need is a verbal statement from Carlo saying he wants to buy you, we can bring him in on attempting to human traffic, and once we got him in custody we can get a search warrant for his place" he felt a bit relieved, maybe this could be over tonight, all he had to do was have Carlo say the words.."my men will be there waiting on my word"

"what if he doesnt say it, i mean im sure he is cautious with his words, you said yourself he is paranoid" she said honestly as he walked over to her..

"Ive done this for a long time Natalie, i know how to get people to say things" he touched her face and she smiled nervously at him, all she kept thinking about was his financee, she couldnt help but want to know more about this woman..

"You ok, was everything ok on the phone?" he asked and she playfully rolled her eyes..

"everything was fine, just my brother checking up on me" she smiled..

"he's the PI, right? what do you have him doing, checking up on me" he laughed and she stiffened some..

"no" she said nervously..

"i was joking Natalie" he grinned and she laughed again..

"ha funny" she began and then quickly said."so what do you think i should wear tonight" she got up and he noticed a change in her behaviour but he passed it off to nerves..

"the idea of him even looking at you drives me crazy" he said as she looked at him.."Im sorry i sound like a " he began and she laughed..

"Like a jealous boyfriend or something"she finished as she laughed, he ran his hand through his hair..

"yeah thats um a term im not use to hearing" he said nervously...

"Well i kind of like how it sounds" she grinned and he walked over to her, wrapping his hand into the back of her hair as he held it..

"I think i like it too" he finished as he took her mouth with his and kissed her deeply, he pulled back and she looked at him with drowsy bedroom eyes.."I wont let anyone hurt you" he had a seriousness to his voice and she smiled nervously, thinking of what Rex said about him.."You finish getting ready, we can grab something to eat and go over somethings" he said as he kissed her forehead and she watched him walk out of the room, he was more than she could of ever wished for even if he had a bit of a cray streak in him...

John went into the livingroom, he was worried about her, if anything he felt more protective of her and he would make sure nothing happened to her.

They headed out of town for lunch, both of them knowing they couldnt be caught together in Lanview, it was kind of fun to sneak around Natalie thought as she sat across from him in a small burger joint as he talked about the case and how he saw it going down, she just kept looking at him, wondering what kind of woman could ever cheat on him, hell he was the kind of guy that women would cheat on someone else with, he was amazing..

"You know if you keep on looking at me like that your gonna make me blush" he grinned as she shook her head, this was nice, way nicer than she ever imagined it to be..She liked this side of John, he was much softer and hell he actually smiled which was nice...

They spent the rest of the afternoon going around town, they even stopped at a nearby park outside of Lanview and took a walk, hand in hand, it was something neither of them had experienced in awhile, especially John, he was letting his guard down big time but oddly he felt comfortable with the fact that he knew she wouldnt hurt him, not like the other women in his life has, she was different, much different and he could see that..

"so um when this case is over, your gonna head back to AC" this had been on her mind all afternoon, especially since she knew this case would most likely be ending soon, she had no idea where that left them..

"good question" he said as he looked at her and they began to walk some more.."some new developments came to light, so" he grinned at her..

"new developments huh" she smiled at him..

"i kind of would like to see where they would go" he stopped and looked at her now and she swallowed hard, not really expecting him to say that and not really sure how to answer.."unless i am the only one who is wondering" he looked at her seriously..

She smiled big and touched his cheek.."I think we owe it to these ummm developments to see where they head"

"i think i like where this is headed" he brushed a piece of her hair away..

"i like you" she blushed..

"that feeling is definitely mutual" he finished as his lips crashed onto hers, the kiss quickly got heated and he pulled back slightly from her but he was still so very close.."we still have time before we head out tonight" his voice was drop dead sexy as he spoke and she swallowed hard..

"time is good" she slightly bit her lip and then off they went..

John couldnt keep his hands off of her once they pulled up to his house, he felt like his sex drive had been multiplied by a hundred, he felt insatiable around her, it stirred something very primal in him as if he wanted to brand her, and make her his and only his forever..

She was overwhelmed by his sexual aggression as he pulled her from the car, lifting her and kissing her passionately as he walked to the door, she didnt even know how he didnt fall but he walked as if nothing else mattered, getting into the house he immediately put her down as he closed the door and then like an animal he yanked off his shirt and immediately grabbed hers and tossed it aside, his hand swiftly moving to the back of her head as he grabbed her hair, pulling her neck back slightly as he licked and tasted the soft flesh there, she gasped at his strength, she was on fire, he had her, oh he definitely had her..

She walked backwards as he pushed her into the wall, his mouth coming back to attack hers again, she felt one hand on her jeans as he began pushing them down, she grabbed at his belt and tugged, setting it free, the air was filled with sounds of their heavy breathing, she shimmed out of her jeans as he yanked down his own pants, boxers included as she gulped yet again at his magnificent size, he grinned at her as he took her mouth possessively again and then he was lifting her, she didnt think she would ever get over how strong he was and he lifted her without any problems at all, his erection was up against her stomach and he pinned her against the wall, she couldnt think much less breath as she felt his hand move between them as he adjusted himself under her and then with one quick, decisive thrust he entered her, his mouth capturing her glutteral screams of pleasure..

Her body felt amazing to him, the way it grabbed him and drew him in deeper, all he could do was feel and she felt fucking wonderful.. His hands kneeded hard into her ass as he drove into her, her screams of pleasure driving him on even further..But at this rate he would be over and done sooner then he would like and so he withdrew himself from her as difficult as it was and she looked at him shockingly, panting as she did so..

"what? Your stopping?" she couldnt grasp what was happening as he put her down, the immediate loss of contact shocked her system..

"not a chance sweetheart" he said as he began damn near dragging her down the hall and then he was quickly opening his door as he pushed her in, he was grinning as she stood there, his bedroom, she had never seen his bedroom before, it was very masculine in style with black leather trim on a very large bed, before she could say anything he was picking her up and tossing her on the bed as she laughed out loud.."Oh i can guarentee you there will be nothing funny about what im about to do to you" he winked at her as she looked up at him and then just like that he was on the bed, pushing her up as he grabbed onto her hips and with a wicked grin his mouth dove between her legs and she almost shot off of the bed from the contact..

"oh my god!" she gasped as his tongue penetrated her deeply and he ground his hands into her hips, keeping her in place, the feeling of his long thick and course tongue was indescribable, he lapped at her flesh as if he was starving to death and she immediately began writhing against the bed, digging her own hands into the soft material of his blanket...

She was moaning and panting as her head went from side to side, he knew she was close and he replaced his tongue with one finger, driving it into her as she cried out, his mouth then latched onto her swollen bud as he sucked against her and he felt her cum against his hand, watching her was by far one of the most erotic things he had ever seen, he was literally about to lose it right then and there..

She didnt even feel him move over her as she cried in pleasure but just when she didnt think she could take anymore his cock filled her still throbbing body and he grunted like an animal into the air as he felt her continue to cum onto his cock..

"Fuck Natalie!" his words echoed through the air as her body pulled at him, squeezing and forcing him to spill inside of her as he thrust himself into her wildly as her body drank up what he had to offer and then he collasped against her body, sated for now..

After a few minutes of laying against her he picked his head up, she was smiling at him and he brushed a piece of her hair away.."I never really thought id feel like this...again" he said low as he looked at her and she swallowed hard, he was admitting something, the added 'again', it meant something..

"you've been hurt i understand that" she said softly and he smiled as he shook his head, he began to sit up..

"Im not one for spilling my soul"he said as he ran his hand through his hair..

"Its ok, i mean if you dont want to talk about it" she began as she sat up, this was good, he was actually talking about things in his past..

"Its not that i wont talk about things, its just, last time i trusted someone they let me down" he looked at her.."i let myself down too and i dont want to do that to you"

"Im not worried about that" she said honestly..

"when was the last time you had a relationship Natalie" he brushed a piece of hair from her face, she just looked at him.."you havent ever had a relationship have you" he dropped his hand from her face, this is what he had feared, she hadnt even lived yet, she was so young, so much to go after in life..

"Your upset i havent had a relationship" she said a bit confused as he got up and walked to his dresser and pulled out a pair of jeans..."if your worried i need to sow some wild oats" she began as she pulled the blanket around her and stood up...

"im 13 years older than you Natalie, you havent even experienced life fully yet" he said honestly as he put his jeans on...

"i dont care how old you think you are, i like you and i dont have to have a slew of relationships behind me to show me that" she said as she walked up to him, he turned and faced her.

"this is all just happening really fast, i wasnt expecting to feel this way and its only been a week, i mean honestly it all sounds a bit crazy" he said as he shook his head..

"then im totally in for crazy" she smiled but he looked at her seriously..."do you wanna know why i never lost my virginity" she said as he looked at her.."its cause i always wanted it to be with someone special and i watched all my friends lose it to a guy who they thought was wonderful and a month or even sometimes a day later he would leave them, and it broke them,...I... I never wanted to be broken, i always thought that when it was the right guy that i would know and then i met you" she began..

"You dont have to do this natalie" he said honestly..

"i want to, i want you to know" she swallowed hard.."there was something about you that drew me in, maybe the excitement of this case at first but then out of no where really it hit me, i look at you and i see a strong, passionate man, one who fights for justice, one thats been hurt in the past, one thats broken" she said as she touched his face.."i may only be 22 years old but i know when i feel something wonderful and i dont want to lose that, ive fallen for you John McBain, harder and faster then i ever imagined possible, you say i havent lived yet but standing here, being with you makes me feel more alive then i have ever felt" she searched his eyes wondering if she had said to much, if he was going to run, but he moved his hand to her cheek..

"thats exactlly what i needed to hear" he said as he claimed her mouth in a passionate kiss.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

John had eventually brought Natalie back home so she could get ready for the night, she was a nervous wreck, everything had led up to tonight and once they got this out of the way they could focus on seeing where this lead to, she was excited for that to say the least, things couldnt be more perfect, she could only imagine how much better they would become..

She stood in front of the mirror now wearing a red satin dress that fell to the floor, a v-shaped dip trailed down her back and a slit went up her right leg, she wasnt going to give Carlo a reason to say No, the sound of her door bell made her stomach do back flips as she went to it, smiling big as she answered the door only to get a very shocked look from her best friend Gigi...

"wow Nat, where the heck are you going?" she asked with surprise and natalie felt nervousness fill her body as she stood there, she wasnt expecting Gigi to show up and especially not now when John would be arriving any minute..

"Gi whatcha doing here" she said quickly as Gigi looked at her in awe..

"I know you and Cris had hit it off but my gawd, i mean you two really hit it off, where is he taking you tonight" she beamed...

Natalie began to nervously pace back and forth.."actually im not going anywhere i just, i... i wanted to try this on" she lied as Gigi began laughing..

"Bullshit, you look freaking phenominal, i mean hell your glowing as if...if... oh my god Nat you didnt, did you" Gigi said with wide eyes, natalie literally felt like she would throw up..

"I dont know what your talking about but i um have to take a shower, been a long day" she tried to kick her friend out..

"You finally did it, how was he, i mean hell he is sexy as hell" Gigi smiled big..

"Gi...i didnt do anything" natalie began to sweat as Gigi looked at her..

"Liar i want the details, all of them" Gigi sat on the couch and stared at Natalie, before Natalie could say anything a knock was heard, she froze as she stood there, Gigi got up smiling.."Oh my god nat i promise my lips are sealed"

A knock was heard again, Natalie just looked at the door then at Gigi, she was slightly panicking, she didnt want Gigi to see John, she didnt even know a John exsisted.."nah i dont need to get that" natalie said quickly..

"your such a jokester nat" Gigi said as she went past natalie..

"Gigi no" natalie ran up to her but it was too late, she had opened the door, and there stood john, looking absolutely handsome in a button down shirt and black slacks, his hair down this time, Gigi looked at him shocked then at Natalie.."Hi" natalie said nervously to him, he saw that she looked pale, he had no idea who this chic was that was in her apartment but something told him he would soon find out.."gigi this John, John this is my bestfriend Gigi" she said nervously as Gigi stood there in shock..

"Nice to meet you Gigi" John began and then he smiled at Natalie.."you look beautiful" he smiled at her as Gigi looked between the both of them confused..

Natalie blushed as she looked at John, then she looked to Gigi who was just staring at her.."can you give us a second" she said to John as she led Gigi by the arm into her bedroom, Gigi stood there dumbfounded..

"ok thats not Cris" she said as they got in the room..

"i know, it's John" Natalie swallowed hard..

"who the heck is he? Where the heck did you meet him and what the hell happened with Cris" Gigi began rambling quickly as Natalie stood there nervously.."this isnt Mr Amazing, is it?" natalie smiled nervously.."oh my god Nat how could you not tell me" she said with shock..

"were kind of keeping things a low profile for now" Natalie said low..

"with a dress like that?" Gigi said suspiciously.."Oh my god, your working undercover arent you" Gigi said with wide eyes, natalie's eyes got wide too as she looked at Gigi.."i should of known, thats why you have been acting so weird lately, this is so cool, so what are you two doing pretending to be a couple, oh wait i know you cant tell me, but oh my god Nat, i cant believe your uncle finally let you do something besides sit behind that desk" Gigi hugged her tight and Natalie hugged her back..

"well surprise" Natalie said nervously..

"I am so happy for you, this is awesome news, i mean when i first saw him and i thought, i mean how crazy would that of been he is like way older than you, i mean he is pretty hot but still" Gigi laughed and natalie wanted to die.."so can you tell me anything?"

"Gigi you know i cant and honestly it would be better if you didnt tell anyone, not even Rex, official police business remember" she said quickly and Gigi nodded her head..

"of course, my lips are sealed but you will call me right" she grinned..

"yeah of course but i really have to go" natalie felt beads of sweat forming on her forehead as she looked at her friend..

"ok i totally understand but Eeeeeeeeeeeee Natalie your like an undercover cop now, so freaking exciting" Gigi said as she hugged her again, natalie went to the bedroom door with Gigi, they stepped out and John saw the panicky look on Natalie's face, she smiled nervously at him.."ok so i am gonna go, nice to meet you John" Gigi winked at him and then gave Natalie the thumbs up as she left, John looked at her..

"i am so sorry, how embarassing" natalie began as John closed the door and walked up to her, he didnt say anything but pull her into a very passionate kiss, one that swept her away, slowly he pulled back.."that was nice" she said breathless..

"You look amazing" he grinned big as he brushed hair from her eyes.."so was everything ok with your friend"

"yep fine and dandy" she said nervously not wanting to bring up the fact that Gigi thought she lost her virginity to Cris and that she kind of sort of made it seem like her and John were working undercover together which in reality they were but..natalie shook her head as she stood there.."so im ready to go" she said quickly, she just wanted to forget about Gigi being there..

"ok, nothing you want to tell me?" he raised an eyebrow at her..

"nope just girls being girls" she laughed nervously..

"ok then" he turned for the door but then stopped.."actually something is missing here" he said as he looked at her..

"Missing, whats missing" Natalie said with confusion..

"i dont know, its your dress, its missing something" he began and Natalie felt selfconscious as she looked down at herself..

"whats it missing, is it ripped, oh god i hope i didnt rip it" she began to panic but then John pulled something from his pocket...

"actually i think this is what is missing" he said as he pulled out a long black box and Natalie stopped her fidgeting as she looked at him.

"whats that" she said nervously..

"i dont know why dont you open it and find out" he smiled and she looked at him then at the box, her hands were shaking now as she took off the top of the box and looked inside, her hands immediately going to her mouth..

"oh my god John, its...its beautiful" she said in shock as she looked down at a beautiful white gold necklace with a diamond pendant heart, it literally took her breath away..

"well lets see how it looks on you" he grinned as he took the necklace and moved behind her and clasped it as she touched it and looked down at it..

"God its beautiful John, i dont..i dont know what to say" she said with tears in her eyes as he came around her..

"you dont have to say anything, its perfect for you" he smiled proudly at her..

"thank you, thank you" she said as she jumped at him, throwing her arms around his neck.."i love it" she said as she hugged him..

"well i was a little worried you would hate it" he grinned as she pulled back and she playfully hit his arm...

"Liar" she grinned as she leaned up and kissed him softly, he immediately deepened the kiss and then quickly pulled back..

"if we start this" he said a bit breathless..

"your right, later we will finish this" she smiled big.."You look very handsome by the way" she grinned at him...

"i know" he smiled at her and then took her hand.."you ready to do this my sweet pet"

Natalie felt like she would die when he said that, she licked her lips.."as ready as i will ever be"

Neither of them really spoke during the car ride, it was a surreal kind of feeling, John had been undercover for two years and tonight may prove to end that, Natalie on the other hand had waited for what seemed like forever for Mr Right and now he was sitting next to her in the car and once this case was over everything would be perfect just as it should be..

The Feds were set up around the perimeter of the docks, as well as Coast Guard was on hold, everything was in place, John finally looked at her as they neared the docks, she seemed nervous and he reached out and took her hand in his..

"everything is gonna be fine" he tried to reassure her but for the first time in forever he was actually nervous..

"I know" she swallowed the ever growing lump in her throat...

John reached in his pocket and pulled what looked like a diamond rose pin from it, she looked at him confused.."this is a wireless device that will send out auditory signals to my boys" he began and she couldnt help but laugh..

"A what? " she laughed..

"a Mic" he smiled as he handed it to her and she attached it to the right top portion of her dress.."hit the center of the rose and you'll be streaming live"

Natalie swallowed hard as she looked at it then at him.."that means everyone, well your boys will hear everything, right?" the fact that people she didnt know could very well be hearing some intimate things, whether they were lies or not made her feel queezy..

"I have one too, we have to be prepared, we have to keep safe" he said as he looked at her and she nervously smiled, she went to hit the button but he stopped the car right there by one of the factories and he leaned over to her.."Not yet" he said as he took her mouth in his, it was a passionate kiss, one that tried to reassure her that everything would be fine but there was also an urgency to it as if it could be their last kiss, she didnt know how to take it, he pulled back from her.."Ok" he felt his stomach begin to turn, this was it..

"Ok" she said with a deep breath as she pushed the small button, his device seemed to be in the cuff of shirt, he moved his hand to his face..

"were going in" he said and with one last look to her and a shared nod he pulled up to the docks where a very large boat awaited them..

It was really a boat at all, more like a yacht, it was enormous in size and frankly Natalie had never been on one so big except when her family went on cruises, yes it was a big big boat, she waited as John got out of the car and came around to open her door..

"come my pet" he spoke as he took her hand, full in character as he lead her to the boat ramp, two younger gentle men, maybe in their mid twenties and definitely huge bulky boys came off the boat to greet them, they were dressed like staff but John knew that this was a few of Carlo's men, not to be fucked with..They ushered the couple onto the boat, Natalie's eyes couldnt get enough of the exquisite decor on the boat, this man had alot of money and frankly he knew how to spend it..

"this way" one of the men said as he shot Natalie a look, one that told her that this kid couldnt be trusted, she already had her eyes cast down from them but the stare he gave her made her squeeze Johns hand harder, he had seen the look too and it took everything in him not to teach this kid a lesson in respect.. They neared a door on the large boat and a man emerged, he was maybe 5'7 an average build about mid to late fifties, his hair nearly gone but what was left was jet black as well as his eyes, he was dressed in a neatly pressed Armani suit and a smile crossed his lips as he went to greet them, John knew immediately who it was, this was the infamous Carlo Hesser..

Natalie also knew who was coming to greet them, she was glad her eyes were casted down cause she was incredibly afraid right now, this man had murdered people in cold blood, he was a sick sadistic fuck, she wanted this done and over with now..

"Jonathon, how exquisette your on time" Carlo began as he neared them, his eyes soaking in Natalie, a bigger smile curved his lips.."and this, I am so glad you brought your pet Red" he came up and shook Johns hand, as he took in the detail of Natalie.."can I?" he looked to John for an Ok to speak to her...

"My pet dont be rude, say hello to our host" John said as natalie slowly raised her eyes up, honestly it was like looking into pure evil..

"Hello Sir" she said nervously..

"its ok little one" Carlo said with a grin as he took her hand and brought it to his lips, placing a small kiss on it, she had to fight the urge to not vomit.."she is indeed very beautiful" he let go of her hand as she gave him a forced soft smile, she could do this..."come please, lets have a drink shall we" he said as he lead them through another set of door, it lead to a laid back indoor bar in which he made his way to the drinks.."champagn for the little one" he said but it really wasnt a question, rather a statement as he began pouring drinks, Natalie definitely didnt like how he referred to her or the way he looked at her..

"we appreciate your hospitality" John began as he lead natalie to a chair.."Sit" he said to her and she did just that, thankful not to stand on shaky legs anymore.

Carlo turned with drinks in hand, a huge smile on his face as he walked over to them.."I have to say i am quite surprised at how obedient she is, especially being so young" he handed John his drink and then natalie but he let his fingers linger on hers for a second, John cleared his throat quickly as Carlo looked at him.."I do apologize she is just so tempting" he grinned..

"Yes but she still is mine so i would appreciate respect where that is concerned" John said sternly..

"of course, or course.. we are both men here, i do understand" Carlo sat down and ushered for John to sit.."your background is quite extensive Jonathon and i have to say i am impressed, it kind of reminds me of myself in my younger years" he sipped his drink, so did John.."i hear your club is doing phenominal"

"it is doing quite well, my clientel seem happy" he began as Carlo smiled..

"Indeed they are" he looked at natalie again, he was damn near drooling as he looked at her.."But please tell me how difficult was it to train this one, something tells me she has a fire inside her" he looked back at John..

John touched Natalie's face as she kept her eyes cast down, he moved his hand to her chin and made her look at him.."quite easy to train, i almost kept her for myself" he said as he looked at her and then he looked back at Carlo..

"why exactlly do you not want to keep this one for yourself, i mean in the terms of our lifestyle, well one would say you hit the jackpot" Carlo said with a wondering eye to John..

"well as i am sure you have read, i do not keep any pets for myself, the joy i find is in training them" John began as Carlo grinned big..

"of course it is, i remember when i was young like you the thrill is in the chase so to speak" he looked at Natalie again.."what wont she do?" he looked at John with wide eyes..

"she is very obident to her Master, she will do just about anything you ask of her" John said as he stared carlo in the eye, he smiled bigger..

"do you mind if i get a demonstration" he grinned almost devilishly.."Maybe say a little taste of what she has to offer" he licked his lips and john looked to Natalie..

"what would you like to see" John remained calm as he looked at Carlo, he was ready to wrap this up, his nerves were starting to get the best of him..

"i would like to see whats under that beautiful dress of hers" Carlo smiled big and John looked at Natalie, she thought she would die, John never said she would have to get naked in front of this man, honestly she didnt know if she could do it.."you cant help a man for being curious, can you?"

"I usually dont adveritise unless i definitely know there is an exchange about to happen" John began and Carlo grinned..

"Well offers cant be made Jonathon without seeing the merchandise first, tell your pet to remove her clothes" Carlo's voice was sterner now as he looked at John, he was challenging him, maybe he was suspicious or maybe just paranoid, John looked to Natalie again.."frankly i dont have all day and if you wont allow her this one thing" carlo began to seem annoyed as he stood up..

"Take it off, all of it" John ordered to a very much surprised Natalie who kept her feeling in check, it took a second to stand, she was literally shaking.."Now Pet" john had to push his feelings aside for her, he had to do this, they were so close, he would make it up to her, he would..

Natalie closed her eyes, she willed herself to do this and she began slipping her arms from the dress, the silky material fell to the ground leaving her in just a thong, she stepped out of the dress, Carlo's eyes got wide as he took in the sight of her body..

"i think thats a fair enough showing" John said sternly as he looked at natalie and then at Carlo, natalie had to fight the urge to cover herself up as she stood there, this old man eye fucking her, she felt sick..

Carlo began to walk around her slowly.."No marks, impressive" he said as he looked over her body.."tight firm body" he looked at John.."do you mind?" he said as he asked permission to touch her, John knew he couldnt say no, they were too close, all he could do was nod yes for the fear that he would be able to say the words..

Natalie tried to bring herself to a happy place as this disgusting old man began running his hands over her body, starting with her back and then trailing them to her breasts, his hands were cold and clamy, she wanted to cry, he moved his hands down her stomach as he walked around her, sliding his hands now over her ass, he slapped her ass hard and she jumped from the contact, carlo smiled as he touched his own hand print, natalie cast her eyes at John and he wanted to die, the look on her face, as if she was begging him to help her and he couldnt, all he could try to do was reassure her it would be over soon..

"how well does she take to the whip" Carlo asked as his hands still trailed over her, he looked at John..

"i can assure you that you wouldnt be disappointed" John said as his stomach began to turn..

"show me" Carlo grinned as he walked past Natalie, she was just glad that he stopped touching her..Carlo went over to the bar and pulled out a riding crop, thankfully natalie couldnt see cause she would of definitely freaked out, John almost did.."this should do nicely" he handed John the crop, it was a hard piece of leather, definitely not something that she had ever experienced, this was to inflict pain and not pleasure.."surely you know i dont have all day Jonathon" Carlo seemed to get annoyed..

"Put your hands on the wall" John ordered her and she quickly turned and did as she was told, she would rather not face anyone while this took place.."Spread your legs" John said as he pushed them apart with is and she gasped quietly, he looked back at Carlo then at Natalie, he sucked up everything he had in him as Carlo's eyes got wide with excitement and then he struck her, right on the bottom of her bare ass and for a second she literally couldnt breath, she was expecting a whip, but what he hit her with felt like a hard stick, almost like a cane of sorts,her head fell against the wall..

"Again" Carlo said with wide eyes and John struck again, the force he was using was minimum to say the least, enough to leave a mark on her bare skin.."Turn her around i want to see that face as she's struck" Carlo smiled..

Natalie didnt want to turn, her face was covered in tears and they werent fake, John took her arm and spun her around roughly, he wasnt expecting the look on her face, it tore at his heart, she kept her eyes cast down from him but for a second she glanced up at him, she could see the hurt on his face, she spoke with her eyes, telling him it was ok..

"Lets go" Carlo barked and John backed up from her some, he struck her against her hip and thigh, she winced as she bit her tongue..John struck again this time across her stomach, each time leaving a red line on her body, Carlo immediately stood.."May I?" he said as he held his hand out for the crop, John knew he couldnt back down now, he reluctantly handed over the crop, Carlo grinned and without warning he struck her, way harder then John had been doing and right across her right breast, she literaly felt as though the wind was knocked out of her as she hunched over some, crying.."Hold her up" Carlo demanded John.."Now" he said as John felt his heart break at the sight of her, he wanted to tell her it would be over soon, that soon it would all be a distant memory..John grabbed her arms and pushed her back, atleast it gave him a chance to be directly in her face, he mouthed an 'im sorry' to her as he held her back and then the crop came down again, it seemed even harder then before, it cut into her nipple and she cried out, before John could protest he struck again and now she dropped to her knees as Carlo smiled..."i would have to work on that pain tolerance" Carlo said as he put the crop down, he seemed disappointed..

"if you need me to train her more" John began, he didnt even care if they didnt catch Carlo tonight, right now he wanted to get Natalie the hell out of there..

"No thats quite alright, i think i have it from here, why dont you say we go over some details" carlo began but he was yet to say the words, John looked to Natalie who was sobbing on her knees.."my men will care to her, you need not worry about her anymore, come" Carlo opened a door and Natalie looked up and John, he was leaving her, she was scared to death..

Those same two guys came walking in, John just need a few more minutes and he would have Carlo, he knew it..Carlo shared a look with the boys and they immediately walked up to Natalie, both grabbing an arm roughly as they yanked her up and she winced..

"ah dont cry sweetheart we'll make you feel alot better" One guy grinned as John watched them..

"Jonathon" Carlo barked at him.."Lets go, time is wasting" John turned from Natalie and left, she honestly felt like she would be sick as the two dragged her out of the room, she knew it would be over soon, she could deal with this, for now..


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

John was beside himself as Natalie was literally dragged away, basically naked by two young boys who looked like they had evil thoughts in their mind, the only thing that gave him any comfort was knowing that Carlo wouldnt allow anyone to touch her but him, for now atleast but he followed the old man into a large study, he had to force himself to become numb to this all, to Natalie or else he wouldnt be able to pull this off..

"come have a seat" Carlo said as John sat down..

Natalie could barely walk as these two guys dragged her down the hall as if she was a rag doll, they were laughing and making rude jesters towards her and she tried to ignore them, the worst was over is all she kept telling herself, it would be over soon..

They brought her to a door and quickly opened it, her eyes got wide as she looked inside, it resembled Johns club but a smaller version, she felt sick all over again.

"come on sweetheart, the fun just begun" one of the guys said as they pushed her up against the wall and immediately began handcuffing her there, she tried to hold back her fear, she thought back to John of the good moments they had together, she thought about when they made love, if she could just keep those thoughts in her head then she could do this..

The feeling of a slap across her breast quickly and abruptly snapped her from her wonderful memories and it shot her back into hell where these two boys laughed at her pain..

"aww she looks like she may cry" one said to the other and then he touched the necklace on her neck and roughly yanked it from her.."You dont need this anymore" he laughed as she began to cry now, he tossed the necklace on the floor..

"well lets atleast make it interesting" the other grinned as he walked up to her and grabbed her chin, forcing her face up to him.."dont worry sweetheart your gonna love this" he grinned as she felt a hard metal device come down onto her nipple and she couldnt help the scream of pain that left her throat..

John had heard her scream out as he stood up, his heart racing as he looked at Carlo..

"Sit down Jonathon, she is not of concern to you anymore, we have more important things to worry about, as in a price" Carlo said sternly.."Im thinking 200 grand is a fair price considering the work i have to do with her before i can make a profit on her" Carlo grinned..

"200 grand it is" John gritted his teeth, this was it, now it was just waiting for his backup to come..She screamed out again and it went straight through Johns spine as Carlo began filling out the paperwork..

"i take it that cash will be ok" Carlo smiled as he looked at John and he pulled a wad of money out from his desk.."you can count it if you like" he said as he handed it to John, John looked at it then at Carlo he had to make his move, she screamed again and John went into action, fuck waiting for backup, he pulled his gun from the back of his pants and held it on a shocked looking Carlo.

" Move slowly away from the table, your under arrest for trafficking of persons and the purchase of a law enforcment officer" John barked at him as Carlo's eyes got wide, he was completely shocked..John walked up to him and slammed him face down on the table.."you have the right to remain silent"

"i dont know what the hell your talking about, i didnt do anything" Carlo yelled as John pulled cuffs from his jacket...

"whatever you say can and will be used against you in the court of law" John continued as he roughly cuffed the man.

"Jonathon your making a grave mistake!" Carlo yelled...

"its Agent Mcbain you son of a bitch!" he yelled as held his gun on him.."I need backup , NOW, suspect in custody" John yelled into his Mic as he continued to read carlo his Miranda Rights, natalie's glutteral scream into the air made him clench his fists and just when he was gonna knock Carlo the fuck out to find Natalie his door was kicked open, one of his Agents rushed in as Chaosis was heard on the ship..

"good work Mcbain" the agent said and John shoved carlo at him..

"Hold him" John said as he took off running, the place was over run by feds now, even a helicoper over head had agents dropping onto the boat as well as coast guard, John began opening up every door he came by, he heard fighting going on in room, the door was cracked open and he saw those two guys in there, one was already subdoed and on the ground as two agents were in the room, the other was now being handcuffed as he looked at the wall and Natalie's lifeless body, his eyes darted to the floor and the broken necklace upon it, his heart fell in his chest as he ran over to her, her lip was bleeding and he pulled the clamps from her breasts, her head was slung down..."natalie" he said as he felt for a pulse, it was there, she had passed out, he unlatched the cuffs and she fell towards him.."natalie sweetheart, please...natalie wake up" his voice shook as he held her in his arms.."I need help in here!" he yelled at his men as he removed his coat and wrapped it around her, she looked so fragile in his arms, he took off running with her in search of help..

Natalie had been rushed to Lanview Hospital, the stress and pain had made her pass out and she was in and out of consciousness as John took the ambulance ride with her, holding her hand the whole time and reassuring her that he was with her, that is was over, that carlo had been arrested..

She was rushed into the hospital and away from John so that the doctors could look over her injuries, he was beside himself with grief but unbeknowst to him the worst was yet to come, he paced the waiting room and he heard commotion in the hall, he recognized a voice, it was her father, not only that but her Uncle as well..

"i want to know what the hell happened to my daughter" Clint yelled at the hospital staff as Bo tried to calm him down but his head turned to see John standing there, his eyes got wide with anger as he walked over quickly..

"YOU! You did this to her, i will have your fucking badge for this!" Bo yelled at him as Clint looked at John, his eyes wide..

"is someone gonna tell me what the hell is going on!" Clint barked as the rest of Natalie's family starting coming into the hospital, all with frantic looks on their faces, John looked at them all, unable to speak..

"this man is an FBI agent and he took Natalie undercover without permission!" Bo barked loudly as everyone began to rush around John, yelling at him and pointing fingers, except for Gigi and rex who quietly stood off to the side..

"if it wasnt for Natalie this case wouldnt be closed now" John finally yelled back..

"Bullshit you used her like a pawn, just wait till your supervisor hears of this!" Bo Barked..

"You better hope my daughter is ok otherwise you wont have to worry about your supervisor" Clint said threateningly to him..

"Enough! Everyone!" Gigi finally yelled, shocking everyone as they looked at her.."how dare you all sit here and judge him, you should be thanking him" she yelled as Rex squeezed her hand tightly and gave her a look of like, shut up.."natalie is my best friend and a strong mature woman, she is not a child anymore and its about time all of you get off your damn high horses and treat her as such!" Gigi yelled as everyone looked at her shocked..

"i think you better watch your words young lady" Clint snapped at her..

"No i wont sit here while you all tear him apart, he is the only one who trusted her enough to let her do this" she yelled as she looked at John and then she looked at Bo.."You put her behind a damn desk like a child, she is a POLICE OFFICER and you never gave her a chance" she yelled with tears..

"someone better get her out of this room NOW" Clint yelled as Vicki grabbed his arm to shush him..

"Then your going through me Dad, Gigi is right, Natalie isnt a kid anymore, she is an adult and makes her own decisions" Rex stepped up to his father, needless to say their relationship was not the best and he rarely if ever stepped up to his dad.

"he took advantage of her, he manipulated her!" Bo yelled as he pointed his finger at John.."and i warned you, how dare you cross me" Bo said to him..

"natalie wanted this and if you werent all so damn worried about yourselves you would of seen that!" Gigi yelled.."she helped to put a murderer behind bars or have you all seem to forget that" she yelled at them..

John didnt even know what to say as he stood there looking between them all.."with all due respect Sir, your daughter is the strongest woman i have ever met, she may of gone behind her uncles back but she went into this with more courage then anything i have ever seen and what she had to go through back there, none of you can imagine and i have to live with that, with..with the images of what i saw, so if you want to be mad at me then go right ahead but dont sit here and treat Natalie as if she is some weak little child, she is a beautiful strong woman who put herself in harms way to protect us all, she is the most selfless person i know and if you all loved her the way you claim then you would see that" John said with his voice cracking and then walked out of the room, needing to get away from them all..

He felt like he was going to emotionally break down any minute, he was worried about her, he knew that physically she would heal but what about mentally, emotionally, her screams haunted him, he could still hear them, he moved to the large window in the lobby and he stood there looking out it..

"John" he heard a female voice say, it was Gigi, he didnt face her.." just want to say thank you, thank you for trusting her enough" John felt his eyes well up, he stared out the window, he didnt feel very good about himself right now, he didnt know what had happened to her in that room and since they were running tests on her including a rape test, well he was absolutely sick to his stomach imaging what could of taken place..

Natalie sat in the bed now, she was awake and coherent as she sat with her parents, her mother had been crying on and off as she held her hand, she kept trying to assure her parents that she was ok, everything was ok now but honestly she didnt know if anything would be ok, she hadnt even seen John yet..

"why would you put yourself in harms way, i just want to know why" her uncle spoke as he shook his head at her..

Natalie swallowed hard as she looked at her parents then she looked at her uncle.."cause i knew i could do it and i had to atleast try, this isnt johns fault" she said nervously as her father just paced the room, not even looking at her, she knew he was mad at her for lying to him...

"this wasnt your call to make" Bo said sternly..

"im ok look at me, im fine and im fine cause John was there..He helped me to do this" she said with tears..

"what he did was go behind my back, im your boss" Bo said loudly..

"and your my uncle too" Natalie said with tears.."you wouldnt even give me a chance, you always sent me back to my room like i was a baby being punished!"

"i was protecting YOU!" Bo yelled with emotion.."Do you even understand what could of happened to you"

"i took that chance, i took it for me, how else was i going to prove myself to all of you, im not a child anymore" she said with tears coursing down her cheeks..

"no your not" her fathers words shocked Bo and Vicki as they looked at him, he had been quiet for some time until now, he turned to look at her, his face torn with emotion.." we should of never doubted you, were all responsible for pushing you in this direction, were all to blame, each and every one of us" he said shockingly.."I am so sorry i let you down" Clint said as he walked over to her..."we wanted to keep you safe from everything and in doing so we almost lost you"

Bo quickly got quiet as he stood there, Clint walked to her and took her hand in his.."Please forgive us" he said with tears and she began to cry as she looked at him..

John stood by the small coffee maker in the cafeteria area, her family was with her now and she was awake he had heard, he didnt want to make a scene but he wanted to see her so bad he literally hurt, he sipped on the coffee, maybe she didnt even want to see him at all, maybe she was completely traumatized by what she went through, maybe she hated him..

A throat clearing in the background made him turn to see her father standing there, he stiffened some not knowing what to expect.."sir i want to apologize" John began as Clint walked over to him...

"im not a stupid man Agent, i know how undercover cases work" Clint said a bit sternly and John swallowed hard.."and i also know that you treated my daughter like a grown woman" John stiffened slightly not really knowing where this was going but it could definitely go bad.."I want to thank you for that Agent" his words surprised John..

Natalie now sat alone in the room, her uncle was still upset but like John had said he would eventually get over it, she was more touched by her fathers words then anything, he never showed emotion but today was different, he actually had tears..

A knock on the door made her look up and then the door opened, she swallowed hard as she saw John standing there.."Hey " he said a bit nervously as she adjusted herself on the bed some..

"hey " she said with equal nervousness..

"its a nice...um room" he said as he stepped in more and closed the door..

She swallowed hard, why was it so hard to see him now, maybe the fear of the unknown, this case was over, were they over too? "yeah the decor isnt the best but" she said nervously as he walked over, but not too close to her, sort of off to the side of the bed, she looked at him..

"I heard the tests all came back good" he said as he looked at her, he fidgeted with his hands some..

"Yeah" she said low, not wanting to remember what it was like to be probed by the doctors after being probed by those two assholes on the boat.."so Carlo is in custody i hear" she hated that she felt the need to make small talk with him..

"yeah" he ran his hand through his hair nervously..."he wont get bail"

"good, thats really good" she felt herself begin to break down, this was too weird for her, the way he stood away from her, was he disgusted with her now, she didnt know what to think..

He saw her eyes begin to fill, his stomach turned.."are you... are you really ok" he moved his hands to his hips as he stood there..

"i dont know, why dont you tell me...am i ok, are...are we ok" she asked as she fought back tears but she was losing terribly..

Her words caught him off guard as he looked at her.."we? You wanna know if were ok" he seemed almost shocked, well he was, actually he had prepared himself for her to hate him as much as he was beginning to hate himself..

He didnt move any closer and she felt her heart begin to break.."if your gonna do this then you might as well do it right now" she said as she shook her head, tears now slipping from her eyes..

"natalie im not" he began as he looked at her..

"please dont sugar coat this ok, ive been through enough for one day and if your just gonna leave then" she quickly wiped her eyes, she would be strong for this.."then just do it fast ok"

"Im not leaving you" he said as he looked at her and he moved closer then he stopped..

"your not?" she asked with confusion, he was saying one thing but acting completely different..

"is that what you want" he swallowed hard as he looked at her..

"No you freaking idiot i want you to come here" she said with tears as he now walked over to her, she took his hand in hers without giving him a chance to say anything.."I was so worried about you"

"You were worried about me" he couldnt believe his ears.."when i heard you scream" his voice trailed off and she saw his eyes fill with tears..

"I was so scared" she said as she began to cry, now he pulled her against him, holding her tight against his chest..

"I am so sorry i didnt get there sooner, i tried, and i couldnt bear the thought of you being hurt" he said as a few tears fell down his cheek...

"im just glad to be out of there, and away from that" she said honestly as she cried into his chest.."i thought i wouldnt see you again"

"i told you i would protect you, i would die trying" he said honestly as he held her and then slowly he moved her face up to his, he wiped a few tears away from her face.."i cant lose you Natalie" he finished as his lips crashed into hers and he kissed her passionately, she kissed him back with the same urgency, slowly he pulled back, his hands on her face, she was smiling through tears now.."were good, right?" he searched her eyes..

"just shut up and kiss me" she said as she pulled his mouth down to hers..She pulled back slowly and looked at him.."im sorry about the necklace" she said with guilt as she looked at him..

"you dont need to apologize for the necklace, i will get you another one, i promise" he said low, what she didnt know is that he had the necklace already,it was broke in a few pieces but he would get it fixed for her and he would put it back where it belonged, close to her heart..

The sound of voices coming down the hall, voices of her family made them both pull back quick, he got up from her as she nervously adjusted herself..

"My family, i dont think that" she began but he was already feeling the same way..

"right now wouldnt be a good time to say anything to them" he said as he stepped back even more from her..

"yeah i mean they have had enough of a shock" she honestly didnt know how her parents would react to the fact that she was with john, like really with him, she didnt really see it going well, especially with the age difference between them..

"i agree" he said low even though the idea of having to break contact with her was killing him, the door began to open..."so im going to give a full report to my boss, the sooner the better" he said in his most professional voice as her parents walked in as well as her Uncle, he looked at them and began to go to the door..

"thank you, Agent McBain" she said as he got to the door..

"your welcome Officer Buchanan" he didnt look at her as he passed by her Uncle, her parents had already walked up to her bed, but Bo followed him outside the room, John began walking knowing full well that Bo was on his heels..

"Agent McBain can i have a word with you" Bo called out and John finally stopped walking as Bo came up.."I may of been a little too hard on you" Bo began as John finally turned to look at him.."You do understand where i am coming from though, dont you, natalie is my niece, i would protect her forever if i could" he continued as John stood there.."and i didnt really trust your intentions when we first met but you , well you impressed me, you were nothing but professional with Natalie, respectable, you did right by her and by my family" John swallowed hard as he looked at this man, he didnt know what to say.."i will be honest with you i came straight out and asked natalie if something was going on between you two, if you had in any way took advantage of the case and her" John kept a straight face as he looked at Bo, his stomach turning though..."You were a good partner to her and i appreciate that, i respect that"

"Natalie was a good partner to work with " John stared Bo in the eye..

"My family will forever be in debt to you, and Lanview is welcome to you if a case calls you" Bo said as he put his hand out to John.."Have a safe trip back to AC Agent Mcbain" they shook hands and John just nodded, this was going to be way more difficult then he originally thought..

Natalie had been discharged within a few hours, her parents had wanted her to go home with them but she explained to them how she was indeed ok and wanted to be in her own place, they respected that for once, it was weird actually, they didnt even give her a fight plus she was aware that her parents had absolutely no idea about her and John, to them she had worked a case end of story but it had been so much more than that but she also knew she couldnt tell them that, but she needed to see him, she needed to touch him again..

She agreed on a ride home from rex and Gigi, who like everyone else knew nothing of John other than he was the partner from the FBI who helped her, rex was a little leary though, especially concerning Johns past but he hadnt let Natalie down and that was what mattered..

Natalie thanked them for the ride and Gigi for the extra pair of clothes she had given her at the hospital, she definitely didnt want to leave in a hosptial gown and she wasnt putting that damn dress back on, she felt relieved as she walked into her apartment, finally the day would be coming to an end, she thought it would never end, she stood inside the empty apartment and sighed..

"I hope you dont mind i let myself in" she heard his voice and turned to see John standing there, he had changed his clothes and was wearing jeans and a vneck tshirt, coming from her kitchen with two beers in hand, she smiled big as he put the beers down and she ran to him, jumping up as she wrapped her legs around his waist and their mouths attacked one another...After a few seconds he pulled back, breathless as was she.."i could get use to that welcoming" he grinned and she took his mouth again in an urgent kiss, she couldnt get enough of him, he was there, she could touch him, it was an amazing feeling but after a minute or two he released her mouth as he put her down, she was panting slightly as she looked at him..

"whats wrong" she asked a bit breathless as she looked at him, he looked distraught, it made her nervous all over again..

"nothing" he said as he pushed a piece of her hair back.."Im just glad to see you like this" he said honestly as he took her hand and led her to the couch as they sat down.."are you hurting?" he asked..

"I feel fine, much better now that i am out of the hospital" she said quickly..

"Natalie i was there remember, i inflicted some of those marks on you" he said with heavy guilt as he lifted her shirt a little and he could see bruises where he had hit her, she yanked her shirt down quickly..

"its fine and its over now" she said quickly, she honestly didnt want to talk about it, or think about it, she wanted to just forget it but something told her he wasnt about to let her do that..She sighed heavily as she looked at him.."seriously do we have to do this right now John"

"i just want you to know how very sorry i am" he swallowed hard as he looked at her..

"Believe me you didnt hit nearly as hard as he did" she said as she shivered some at the thought..

"if i would of known he was gonna make me do that" he began and she looked at him now..

"dont beat yourself up over this John, we did what we had to do, he is in custody now thats all that matters" she began as he stood up, running his hand through his hair..

"i promised to keep you safe and i couldnt even do that natalie, if i would of been another few minutes later, those guys, what they did to you" he said as he shook his head and she stood now..

"they didnt do anything" she said quickly but he looked at her.."well they barely did anything and i made it out in one piece"

"did you really make it out in one piece" he looked at her...

"i dont know what you want me to say John, im not going to hate you if thats what you want, im not doing that so stop hating yourself" she said as she walked up to him.."its over, cant we just move on from here?" she looked at him hard.."Unless you dont want to, is that what this is really about"

"you think i dont want you natalie, that i dont want this" he said as he looked at her.."i want everything, im just trying to be realistic here, i want to make sure that now that its all over and done with, that the excitement of it all is gone that you know what your getting yourself into" he said honestly...

"john this isnt about the case, its never been about the case, its been about you and me" she touched his face.."thats what i want, and to be honest i could do without all the excitement" she smiled at him and he touched her hand that was on his face..

"Im different in real life then i was on this case" he began as he looked at her..

"i feel confident that i have probably seen almost every one of your alters John McBain" she grinned.."I just want to come for the ride and see where that leads us" she said honestly..

"its gonna be bumpy at times, i get grouchy and irritable at times, im not an easy person to deal with Natalie" he said honestly and she smiled..

"i think i can deal with your grouchiness and i will let you know i can be quite the bitch" she smiled big..

"Im sure you can" he smiled softly as he touched her face..."I care about you so much, i dont want to ever hurt you"

"then dont ever say goodbye" she said softly as she searched her eyes and he pulled her against him and took her mouth in a kiss that quickly got heated, he pulled back and looked at her.

"not a chance" he said as he took her mouth again.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

Natalie pulled back from John, she licked her lips as she reached for his shirt, tugging on it as he quickly yanked it over his head, she touched his chest and he watched as she licked against his chest and he sucked in a deep breath as her tongue grazed his nipple, his hand immediately went into her hair as he growled at her and yanked her head back, the look on his face was pure unadulterated desire and she gulped, he pulled her mouth to his and kissed her aggressively and then he was pulling back and looking at her..

He moved his hands to her shirt and pulled it from her, his eyes couldnt help but see her bruises, she saw his mood start to change and she began to pull at his jeans as he looked at her, she yanked his jeans down quick as he stood there and then she was dropping on her knees in front of him, he kicked his jeans off , his hand going back in her hair as he felt her warm breath on his groin, her nails lightly scratched his legs and ass, he tried to pull her up and she shook her head no at him and smiled and then she was engulfing what she could of his very much aroused manhood...

"Natalie" he rasped in heavy breaths as she slid her mouth against him, his head was falling back as his eyes rolled back, her hand was moving along with her mouth on him and he tightened his grip on her hair, she worked his cock with precise movements and he found his legs weakening as he stood there.."ah shit Natalie you gotta stop" he couldnt believe he was about to cum right now, she smiled against him and then moved faster on him, his legs tensed as well as his ass, he began directing her head against him..."shit shit, im gonna cum" he yelled out as he came into her mouth almost violently as he held her head there, she pulled her mouth from him as he stood there, now that was a first for her, she grinned up at him, his eyes heavy as he looked at her and then he was pulling her and taking her mouth with his, the fact that he could taste himself on her was beyond arousing to him and then he was quickly pushing her backwards, towards her room..

His mouth was still attacking her as he stopped at the edge of the bed with her, pulling his mouth back he unlatched her bra and tossed it aside, again he saw the marks on her, this one dangerously close to her nipple, he leaned down and placed a soft kiss on the broken skin, his hands wrapping around her body as he pulled her close, she didnt even care about the bruises at this point, she just wanted him, all of him, he pushed her hair back as he looked at her, he took her mouth in a couple open mouthed kisses, licking against her lips as he did so...

Slowly he pushed her back on the bed as he grabbed at her jeans, he growled at her as he pulled on the top button of her jeans with his mouth, she giggled in response as the button snapped open and he pulled on her zipper and then roughly yanked her pants from her as well as her panties, she gasped at the power behind him, it always amazed her..

He looked over her body, his eyes again looking at the bruises on her body as he gulped, she sat up and took his face in her hands and shook her head..

"get up here" she purred at him and he climbed over her, his hands smoothing back her red locks as he looked at her..The emotion on his face was crushing as he looked at her and then he captured her lips in a soft kiss as he rolled her body over so that she was on top of him, his hands went to her back as he ran his fingers up and down her spine, the sensations of his fingers on her and his tongue dueling with hers had her moaning into his mouth as a rush of fluid began to pool between her legs, as if he knew he reached down and grabbed the bottom of her ass, aligning her perfectly with his now straining cock, she slid against it between her wet folds and he hissed in response..

"ride me" he rasped at her as he bit her bottom lip and she sat up against him, she teased him as she slid against his length, he growled deep in his throat and put his hands on her hips, his fingers digging into her as his stare pierced through her, she could of came just by the intense sexual look in his eye..

He lifted her with his hands as she smiled wickedly at him, his cock sprung upwards and he grinned back at her, he slowly began pushing her down against him as his body met her resistance for a second and then with a collective moan she began engulfing him, inch by inch, he moved her slow, almost too slow, he wanted her to feel him, all of him, she threw her head back as he continued to fill her..

"My god" she said with a shuddering voice as he lowered her even further, it seem to be a different range of depth going on here, one that was as delicious as it was a bit painful, her body shook against his and then he dropped her the last 2 inches and the most sensual moan poured out of her mouth, she looked like a sex goddess the way she sat on him, having him embedded inside her, the way her head was thrown back, her long hair resting against her breasts, nipples erect, back arched, he had to swallow hard..

"your so fucking beautiful Natalie" he said as he pulled her mouth and body down on him, his mouth engulfing hers as she began to rock against his body, every movement putting her that much closer to release, he helped her with his hands, pushing her up and down on him as he attacked her mouth, his movements were slow at first then faster and harder, he was meeting her thrust for thrust as she buried her head in his neck, crying out his name over and over...

The feeling of her cumming against him, it pushed him over the edge as he ground himself against her, his cock jumping and pulsating inside her as he came against her shuttering walls, all the while grunting and growling against her ear, he could never get enough of her, he never would..

Natalie and John spent the rest of the day in and out of bed, but mainly in bed, she rolled off of him breathing heavy as was he..

"now that was definitely up there" she smiled..

"Yeah definitely" he said breathless as he looked at her, they couldnt keep their hands off one another, he couldnt remember the last time he ever felt this way about anyone, even with his ex-fiancee..

They had eventually made it into her livingroom, snuggled up on the couch as they waited for pizza to come, he stroked her hair as she laid against his chest, both of them sated and quiet as they stared at the television but neither of them really watching it, John had recieved a call earlier from his boss in AC, she knew he would have to go back, she didnt want to think about it..

"i wont be long, you know that right" he said low as he stroked her hair, the mood between them had drastically changed once his boss had called, he would have to go back to AC to wrap things up, take care of a few things, he had his place there and responsibilities that needed to be taken care of.

"i know you have to, its just..i hate you having to leave" she said softly to him as she kept her head on his chest..

"why dont you just come with me, i can show you my town"he said low but he had already asked her this, she had to go back to work, her uncle was counting on her...

"You know i would come if i could, i mean its gonna be hard enough sneaking around with you without my uncle or parents finding out" she hated that he had to be a secret but she knew her family and things were good now, she couldnt chance risking that..

"you know i think your dad might be surprisingly supportive of this" he said as she looked up at him now..

"My dad was nice to you cause he knew it was the right thing, if he knew you were sleeping with me, well lets just say he keeps alot of shotguns in his house" she said with a laugh..

"eventually they are gonna have to find out Natalie" he said honestly as he looked at her..

"and they will just not today or this week, or next" she said with a sigh as she laid her head back on him.."I dont want to talk about it and i dont want to talk about you going either" she said with sadness..

"its only for a few days sweetheart, a week tops, but" he leaned down and kissed her head.."i will miss you too" he said as he stroked her hair some more...

"does it have to be tomorrow though" she said low as she sighed..

"I thought we said we wouldnt talk about it, tonight is about me and you" he said softly, he hated leaving, the thought of going now after everything they had been through, it literally made him feel sick inside..

"Ok" she said low as she fought back tears...

John couldnt believe that he had gotten to this place in his life where he actually cared so much about someone that leaving seemed like his heart was being pulled from his chest, but he couldnt just stay without cleaning things up in AC, hell he didnt even know what he would do in Lanview once he was a resident, maybe ask her uncle for a job at the station, he didnt know all he did know is that he would make it a quick trip in AC, he would come back as fast as he could so that they could see what they were going to do next..

The next day was somber to say the least, they had stayed up all night making love and just talking, he hadnt even known that he could talk so much but he loved listening to her, he was getting to know things about her, things he didnt know like her favorite music, her favorite movies and books, the way she still got nervous around him and would bite her lip and the way she spoke of her family, she loved them so much, she felt like she had to prove so much to them but she was so incredibly perfect he didnt understand why she felt the way she did, and she looked at him with so much care, so much love that it actually scared him that someone could feel that way about him, hell it scared him that he could feel that way about anyone but when he looked at her he saw his future, a future he never thought in a million years he would have..

Natalie stood in front of him just looking up at him, he touched her face and smiled.."Dont cry ok" he said as he watched her eyes fill up..

"im not, i have something in my eye" she said as she wiped her eye and he pulled her against him tight, her head in his chest.."im gonna miss you" she said with tears but she kept her head in his chest..

"you better keep the wild parties to a minimum" he tried to lighten the mood as he kissed the top of her head.."You know otherwise i might have to come back and punish you, my pet" he grinned as she looked up at him, he wiped her tears.."i will be back so quick that it wont even feel like i am gone"

"your not even gone yet and i miss you" she said with tears and he leaned down and pulled her chin up, kissing her softly and then he pulled back..

"oh before i forget" he said as he walked over to his jacket and grabbed something from his pocket.."i couldnt leave without giving you this back" he said as he walked over with the necklace in his hand, it was fixed like new and her eyes filled with more tears as he put it on her..

"John, how, when" she said with shock as he clasped it around her neck and she touched the diamond heart on it, she honestly thought it was gone for good..

"I have my ways" he winked at her, in reality he had run out while she was napping, he found a local jewelery store and they fixed it right on the spot, he knew he couldnt leave without giving her the heart back.."that way we will never be far apart from one another" he smiled as he looked at her and she threw her arms over his shoulders and hugged him tight...

"thank you, thank you so much" she said with tears...

" ok,...i...i gotta go" he swallowed hard, damn it he was gonna cry, he would wait till he wasnt around her to do so, he had that long ass car ride ahead of him, he dreaded that..

"ok" she pulled back, she held her tears the best she could cause honestly she thought she may get hysterical..

He looked at her then took a deep breath..."i'll see ya Natalie" he walked away from her, he had to otherwise he may never leave, he got to the door and then quickly left as she stood there, tears running down her face, this sucked!

Natalie moped around her apartment all day, she felt like a wounded animal , her heart hurt, she couldnt believe she missed him so much and how close they had become just over another few days, it was unbelievable but real as day, she touched the necklace on her neck as she slumped on the couch, these next few days would be hell..

She had must of fallen asleep right there on that couch cause the next thing she heard was knocking on her door, for a second in her sleepy haze she thought it was him as she jumped up with excitement and ran to the door only to find her best friend behind it..

"holy shit nat are you ok" Gigi said with concern, Natalie could only imagine what she looked like, she had spent the entire afternoon crying and listening to sad love songs..A look of disappointed crossed natalie's face as she looked at Gigi, of course it wouldnt be John, he was gone.."um nat?' Gigi said as she looked at her friend..

"im sorry come in Gi" Natalie said quickly..

"i was worried you hadnt called, what happened?" Gigi looked at her..

"nothing, i was...tired, thats all" she lied, she didnt know how to tell Gigi about John, even if she should tell her about John..

"you look like you've been crying" Gigi said seriously and a bit suspiciously..

"no... just been a long few days" natalie wasnt entiring lying, she walked away from her friend and into the kitchen, Gigi followed her..

"nat i know you went through a really traumatic experience with that case, you can talk to me ya know" she said softly as Natalie grabbed a beer, her mind went to John, she fought back tears..

"Gi im fine, really...here" she handed Gigi a beer and she cracked hers open..

"nat your really starting to freak me out, did something happen that night" Gigi looked at her.

"no and i really dont want to relive all of that" she said honestly..

"ok fair enough but why dont you come out with me, i ran into Cris, he says he hasnt seen you or heard from you in days" Gigi began and Natalie sighed, she had totally left cris hanging, it was a pretty shitty thing to do but so much had happened since then..

"yeah well life happens" natalie said dryly as she drank her beer.

"come out with me tonight Nat, just the two of us, i will even make rex stay at home" Gigi said with hope in her eyes..

"im just not feeling it tonight Gi, maybe another time" she said honestly as her phone began to ring, she jumped up quickly, her face immediately lighting up as she saw his name, she turned from her friend.."give me a minute...its..um...work" she said as she ran into her room and then quickly answered.."hey"

"hey yourself, you sound happy" he smiled, he was glad she wasnt crying now..

"your calling, im very happy, are you back in AC yet" she asked, it had been 6 hours since he offically left and she had been waiting on his call..

"yeah just got in, it was a long drive" he said honestly.."how are you?"

"Im good considering, Gigi stopped by so" she began and he laughed..

"Oh yeah so are you gonna tell her about us" he began...

"ummm yeah i dont know" she said as she shook her head, it was bad enough that she didnt tell Gigi right away but now she was literally hiding it from her and she was literally scared to tell her, she really wasnt in the mood to get the third degree from her best friend..

"wow so im that bad huh" he said a bit seriously, he was beginning to think that she was going to hide him forever..

"Your not bad at all, i mean seriously, i just... i dont feel like getting a million and one questions you know" she said honestly..

"but she is your best friend, right"

"Yes but still" she began.."lets talk about something else"

"Ok fine enough, what are you wearing" he grinned..

"and something else" she laughed.."gigi is still here"

"Oh what are you doing,.. hiding out in your bedroom?" he laughed..

"maybe" she laughed some..

"ok well listen you hang out with your friend while i jump in the shower, when she leaves you call me back and i want a description of what your wearing" he grinned big..

"Ok i think i can do that but what if i am not wearing anything at all" she smiled big..

She heard him groan slightly.."that will work too" he had to adjust his erection in his pants.."call me ok"

"i will, think of me while you are in the shower" she smiled..

"I always do" he said honestly and she felt her skin get hot..

"You do?" she smiled..

"your friend remember" he laughed.."I will tell you all about my shower when you call back"

"ok i look forward to it" she grinned...

"Mmmm me too" he said as they hung up and she sighed deep and went to her bedroom door, Gigi damn near fell on the ground as she stood there, ear up against it..

"Gigi!" natalie said with shock as Gigi looked at her..

"This is question 1 of a million and one" Gigi said with wide eyes.."who is he and what the hell is going on" she said as natalie sighed, she was caught red handed..

"I dont know where to start" Natalie said honestly she felt bad for holding this from Gigi, this was her bestfriend and confidant but yet she withheld this huge thing from her..

"You can start with his name" Gigi looked annoyed she stood there, her hand on her hip..

Natalie took a deep breath and looked Gigi in the eye, with a heavy breath she said his name.."John, it's John"

Gigi seemed to look confused for a second as she looked at Natalie, she seem to be thinking but then her eyes got wide, then widder.."the FBI Agent, John, that John?" she said with shock..

"surprise" natalie said with a nervous laugh..

"wow and you didnt even think to tell me, ouch" Gigi said as she stood there, a mix of emotions wahsing over her face, most of them disappointment..

"i wanted to tell you Gigi, i did, that day when you came over, i sort of started to tell you but then you thought it was about me going undercover and then i just..i dont know" natalie sighed heavily, she hated that she let her friend down, her bestfriend..

"But you were just working a case together" gigi began and then trailed off..."how?"

"i dont know it just happened" natalie shrugged her shoulders..

"like how serious are we talking here like he saved your life serious, like you shared a kiss serious or...or" her voice trailed and natalie smiled nervously..

"oh my god, its the you lost your virginity to him kind of serious" Gigi said with shock as natalie stood there, unsure of what to say, Gigi's eyes then went to her necklace, she had been so caught up with everything she had just noticed it now..."did he ?" was all she said and natalie touched the necklace and nodded her head yes.."ok seriously we need to sit and you need to tell me everything, beginning to end"

Meanwhile in AC John had just gotten out of the shower, still wet and in a towel as he sat on his bed, he was actually smiling, hell thinking of her made him smile, that was definitely a first, she was mending his heart and he literally felt as though nothing could possibly go wrong, nothing at all, he even grabbed his phone and decided to call his brother, he needed to tell someone and he knew Mikey would love to hear this, he dialed and sat back as the phone rang...

"hello" a groggy voice said on the other line, John looked at his watch, he had forgotten that his brother worked weird hours at the hospital, he must of woken him up..

"Hey mikey, im sorry i wasnt even thinking of the time" John began as Michael sat up, immediately waking..

"Johnny, holy shit i tried calling you" Mikey seemed a bit frantic, but then again he was always a bit of a drama queen.

"I know i got held up for a few days but im back bro and i have news" John began, a grin on his face..

"so do i johnny" he sounded grim as he spoke, it took John off guard..

"Is everything alright, is it Tommy" he immediately thought of his nephew, he could only imagine his brother would sound like this cause something bad happened..

"no..no Tommy is fine, so is Marcie.. Johnny" his voice trailed off and now John was getting annoyed and well worried, why did he sound so distraught..

"Listen Mikey if this is about when i called you drunk the other day, listen im..im sorry" he felt bad for the conversation him and his brother had had that day, he was drunk and lashing out, he barely remembered it but he knew he acted like an asshole..

"johnny just shut up for a second" Mikey said loud and now John knew this was serious, he thought about their mom, was it her, he had avoided her too over the years, guilt began to sink in if something had happened to his mom he would never forgive himself.."i didnt want to leave the message on your phone" his voice trailed again..

"listen your starting to freak me out, is mom ok" John felt his heart race as he held the phone tightly..

"Johnny...it's...it's Connor, he um... he was killed in the line of duty a few days ago" Mikey said low, his voice filled with sadness..

John just sat there, he was in shock, literally as he sat there, Connor had been his bestfriend since their military days, well then he had run off with Caitlin, they started a family, John had hated them both for so long, so much bitterness in him for what they did to him but Connor had been his bestfriend and even though John was literally seconds from killing Connor himself, he had never wanted that for him, it was the rage talking..

"johnny are you there" Mikey snapped him from his thoughts..

"yeah im here" John said low.."how did it happen" he felt a slew of emotions he wasnt expecting hearing this news..

"he was on a case, alot of it is still under wraps" mikey began.."johnny i saw caitlin, she was tore up man, it was bad they had to admit her to psych, she is being held for 72 hours, she is still there"

"jesus Mikey" John said with a heavy breath..His guilt was now becoming overwhelming, as much as he wanted to yell fuck her, he couldnt and with Connor gone, well he felt sick as he sat there.."is she...is she ok" he hated that there was still a part of him that cared about her well being..

"No, she isnt... her mom came and took their son while she is in there, no one can get through to her Johnny" Mikey said low, see Mikey had grown up with the John and Caitlin story, he had watched them together, he too had grown close with caitlin, when the break up happened he had felt bad for both parties cause he knew his brother, he knew John had choosen work over her and when push came to shove it was too late, Caitlin had already fallen in love with Connor, and honestly Michael was torn between all of it, he understood his brothers choices but he also understood  
Caitlins...

John ran his hand through his hair.."which hospital"

"Saint Anthonys" Mikey said low..."are you going"

"yeah, yeah im going" he said as they finished up and he hung up the phone, his phone immediately began ringing, he saw it was natalie, he sucked in a deep breath, he had a feeling that this wasnt about to go over well with her..


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

Natalie had poured her soul out to Gigi who for the most part was supportive even though shocked would be a better word, there was alot of Wow, Oh my God and No way's thrown around but if anything she was more concerned for her friend and Natalie knew that would be coming, honestly if she was on the outside looking in she too may have her doubts..

"he is way older than you and your parents, oh my god Nat your dad will literally rip off his balls" Gigi said with wide eyes, natalie knew her father, and she knew him well, she was always a daddy's girl, always and this, well this would kill him..

"you act as if he is ancient Gi, he is only 35" natalie said quickly, she didnt even see John's age, all she knew is that when they were together she felt wonderful, absolutely wonderful..

"Ok so 35 isnt technically old ok,i get that but still he is like 13 years older than you, your not getting a daddy complex thing cause that would be too weird for me" Gigi said with a serious look..

It made natalie laugh out loud.."I dont have a daddy complex, believe me the things i do with him i wouldnt do with my dad"she laughed then silently cringed of the thought of her father..

"but i warned you about the whole losing your virginity thing, i mean come one everyone falls in love with their first" gigi said and natalie swallowed hard, was she falling in love with John, was that what she was feeling, she had never been in love before, she wouldnt know what to compare it to...

"your the one throwing the love word around, im just saying i really, well really like him, alot" Natalie said nervously..

"Kind of sounds like love to me" Gigi said as she looked at natalie..."plus that, i mean what guy buys a girl he likes a heart pendant" she said as she pointed to natalie's necklace...

"a nice guy" natalie said quickly as the thoughts began to go through her head, did John love her, he hadnt said he did but the way he looked at her, the necklace, she quickly got wrapped up in thoughts..

"i think the nicest thing your brother ever bought me was a laptop and hell he uses it more then me" Gigi said as she shook her head..

"I dont know Gi, i just know that we both said we want to see where this goes" natalie said honestly..

"i just dont want to see you get hurt Natalie, i mean your 22 years old and well smoking hot what guy wouldnt want to be around you" she began and natalie suddenly began to feel very uncomfortable talking about this, she didnt think John was with her because of her physical appearance, i mean there was definitely an attraction there, a huge one but still there was more, she knew it.."why isnt he married by now, why doesnt he have a family, i mean i met him nat he is pretty hot but he was single, it kind of makes you wonder, doesnt it"

"he had a bad relationship, he was hurt" Natalie suddenly felt like she was making excuses for him and she didnt like it..

"but all of a sudden you changed that" Gigi said suspiciously..

Natalie began to fidget nervously, this was exactlly why she didnt want to tell Gigi, she knew she would do this, she would make her doubt what they had.."im kind of insulted that you think i couldnt change that" she said honestly..

"nat im just being for real, i mean hell its been like what, 2 weeks and your both head over heels for each other, it just doesnt work that way" Gigi said softly to her friend..

"well for us it did" natalie stood, being defensive now as she looked at Gigi..

"dont be mad Nat" she said as she stood..."im happy for you ok, just worried"

"well i dont think there is anything to worry about" natalie said confidently but her doubt was definitely growing..All she knew is that she needed to hear his voice and then she would know everything was ok..

"ok then i support you a hundred percent but if he hurts you" Gigi said protectively..

"well then you have my permission to kick his ass" natalie finally said and Gigi smiled..

"ok its a deal" she hugged Natalie and then looked at the clock.."crap im suppose to be bringing pizza home, i gotta run Nat"

"im glad you came by and im sorry that i didnt tell you sooner" natalie said honestly..

"thats ok but you owe me, girls night out, tomorrow" Gigi said with a big smile..

"ok fine, tomorrow" natalie said quickly..

"dont make me drag you out of your own place" Gigi said with a warning laugh..

"i will mark it on my calender" natalie smiled..

"just be ready by 8 tomorrow" Gigi laughed as she left, it hadnt gone too bad natalie thought, oh hell who was she kidding, she felt incredibly insecure right now and she grabbed her phone and began to dial his number, her heart racing as she did so..

"hey i was about to call you" he spoke, she heard something in his tone, it made her swallow hard, she tried to ignore it..

"Im ready to tell you what i am wearing" she began and he let out a breath as he closed his eyes..

"Natalie i need to tell you something" he began and she felt it, this was it, he was about to tell her something bad, had Gigi been right, she had to sit down, she felt sick..

"listen John its late and if your tired" she honestly didnt want to have this conversation..

"damn it natalie can you just let me talk, please" he raised his voice, he felt anxiety building up in him, he just wanted to tell her..

Natalie swallowed hard, she closed her eyes.."ok" she said in a small voice, he hated that he yelled at her, he could tell she was already panicking and he wasnt about to make it better..

He breathed deep.."i dont know where to begin" he sighed...

"did something happen" she forced the words out as fear raced through her..

" a friend of mine passed away a few days ago" he began and she hated to admit it but she felt a huge rush of relief, she almost said oh thank god but she stopped herself..

"im so sorry to hear that" she said low..

"yeah, me too" he said low, this was harder than he originally thought, how could he possibly tell her that the friend happened to be married to his ex fiancee that he happened to never mention in conversation, he saw this going horribly wrong..

"is there anything i can do" she said with concern, he sounded so distraught over this..

"I just dont want you to be upset...Natalie... im gonna have to stay a little bit longer than expected" he really felt like crap for not ellaborating anymore to her, but he wasnt planning on staying much longer, just long enough to check up on Caitlin and attend his friends funeral, which according to the obituary he read online was a few days away..

"i cant be upset over that, i mean your friend passed away, of course you will have to stay, when is the funeral" she said supportively even though inside she was dying, she missed him so much already but she wasnt about to put anymore stress on him..

"in a few days, im going to go by to see his mother and see if she needs any help" now he was just straight lying, he hated it..

"of course, can i atleast send flowers what is his name" she said as she got a piece of paper ready...

"you dont have to do that Natalie" he said as the guilt began to weigh on him..

"i want to, it sounds like he meant alot to you" she said honestly..

"he did" he said in a somber tone.."Connor O'Reily but you really dont have to" she was so damn selfless, it continued to amaze him and he would make this up to her, he would..She wrote down the name and sighed softly..."Im sorry i wanted to come back sooner" he said honestly but he had things he had to take care of first as much as the idea messed with him..

"thats ok, i will just have to talk to you every chance i get" she forced a smile, she wasnt happy, not one bit, this sucked...

"everyday, twice a day" he smiled..

"three times and its a deal Agent" she grinned..

"ok anything you want" he laid back in his bed.."listen im gonna head off to bed"

"yeah me too" she lied, she wasnt gonna be able to sleep now..

"hey listen can you do me a favor though, i know this will sound silly but i never took out the trash at my place and its got a bunch of food in it, it'll be pretty rank smelling by the time i get back there" he began and she smiled, hell atleast he needed her..

"i will be on it tomorrow, first thing" she said with a smile..

"your the best natalie" he took a deep breath.."good night sweetheart"

"goodnight John" she said as she hung up feeling incredibly sad, she looked at the name on the piece of paper, she felt bad for him, he seemed really upset, she pulled out her laptop and googled the name, she wanted to know about this guy and how he had died..

The first link she saw had the information she was looking for..

Atlantic City Officer killed in the line of duty..

She clicked the link and read on..

Again it would seem as though we have yet another tragic ending for a fellow officer.. During a drug sting gone bad, Officer Connor O'Reily was fatally shot in the chest.. Officer Connor was most known for his numerous charitable events such as Toys for Tots as well as his lead role in helping Atlantic City's Homeless, last year he was granted a metal of honor by the president of the united states for his countless efforts in the Iraq War.. He was not only a very valued Officer of the law but also a Son, Brother, Uncle, Husband and Father..

Natalie couldnt help but feel sad as she read on..

He leaves behind his wife of 3 years, Caitlin Fitzgerald and their son Gabriel, the memorial is set for this Friday at St Patricks Cathedral, his funeral will be held on Sunday..

Natalie felt an ache in the pit of her stomach as she read, that name, Caitlin, she knew that name, she had to sit back in her chair as she thought..

"it seems as though his friend was knocking boots with his fiancee Caitlin something or another" she heard Rex's voice in her head as a sense of dread washed over her, this couldnt be true, it couldnt be the same Caitlin, what would the chances be?She had to know for sure, with a shaky hand she searched for Caitlins name, a few links popped up, she scrolled down the list, stopping as she looked at one, she clicked it..

Atlantic City Police Officer's Ball goes without a hitch, but not without a few surprises as Officer Mcbain proposes to his financee, Caitlin Fitzgerald..

She felt dizzy as she sat there, cause as she scrolled further, there in black and white was a picture of the happy couple, her and John, newly engaged, she quickly closed her laptop, she couldnt read anymore..

She began to get up and pace, all John had said was it was his friend, he didnt mention it had been his friend who happened to end up with his fiancee, the same fiancee that had hurt him in the past, the one that had him swearing off relationships, hell he had never even admitted to being engaged and she had been ok with that, well ok with that until now, this was different, according to Rex he had almost killed this supposed friend and now he was mourning his death? The idea came to her mind and she gasped, had he seen his ex fiancee, had something happened, she felt sick, angry, upset and jealous as all hell, why did he leave out that very important bit of information to her, did he think it would be best or did he suddenly have something to hide?

Needless to say Natalie couldnt even sleep all night, her mind kept going back to this newfound information and the details John had left out, she tried to tell herself that she was just overreacting, that he probably knew it would upset her, but hell it upset her more to find out this way..

She sat back and drank another cup of coffee, her phone went off with a text and she jumped slightly as she looked at it..

Hey Sweetheart, Im going to be running around all day but i wanted you to know i was thinking of you, I will give you a call later J-

She swallowed hard as she looked at it, was he blowing her off now, the ideas going through her head were driving her crazy..She didnt text him back, she waited, he always called when she didnt text back, always...

John had slept horrible that night and now he sat at his kitchen table, a cup of coffee in hand, he was taken back by the way he felt about Connors passing, hell at one time he would of gratefully thanked god for giving him what he deserved, but now that he was gone, like really gone, well he felt somber, he had thought about Connor last night, all the time they had spent together in the past, even before Caitlin had come into the picture, they were the best of buds, they always had each others back, thats why it had stung so bad when he had found out about him and Caitlin, but John wasnt stupid, he had more than enough time to know why things hadnt worked out with him and Cait, he had gotten lost in his work, he hadnt meant to but it consumed him, each case he would be haunted by the victims, by their families, he just had to get justice, he couldnt sleep if he didnt try, but sadly he thought that Cait had understood that, she worked in law enforcement, she saw how it was and yet she had turned to his best friend because John was never there, even if he was physically there well he still wasnt there..

He texted Natalie and then put his phone down, he would take care of this business at hand and then as planned he would leave and head to Lanview, putting all of this craziness behind him, and with that he finished up his cup of coffee, grabbed his phone and car keys and he headed to the hospital, to see her.

To wait around for someone to call or text can literally make minutes feel like hours, but in this case it had been hours, almost 2 to be exact and still nothing, the pit in her stomach grew larger as she sat on the couch, he wasnt calling her, he wasnt concerned as to why she didnt text back, her mind went to a dark place, where was he and who was he with.

Walking through the halls of the hospital John felt sick, he hadnt seen Cait in years, he purposely had avoided her and well the restraining order she had gotten had helped as well, he was in a bad way back then, angry, so angry, he wanted someone to pay, sadly the only one paying in the end was him..But now she was under observation, locked away as if she was crazy, he should be happy that kharma is a bitch but honestly all he felt was sad, sad for her..

He had to mingle his way into the ward, a little charm always did the work, the nurse was like puddy in his hands, she smiled as she went to retrieve Cait, he sat in a small room, one window facing the hosptials courtyard, it was a private room with a large rectangular table and four small chairs, he walked to the window and looked out, his mind everywhere and yet no where at all..

The sound of the door opening caught his attention as he turned slowly and then there she was, her blonde hair pulled into a messy ponytail, she wore a hospital gown, lines of stress and worry on her face, hell he barely reognized her..

Her shaky hands moved to her lips, her eyes holding tears as she looked at him.."Johnny" she whispered in the most fragile voice, he couldnt believe that this is what she turned into..

For a second he couldnt move, he was frozen in that spot as the nurse stood behind her, supporting her arms, the tears began to fall freely down her cheeks and he moved towards her, nearly a foot away she fell at him, grabbing hold of him tight as she sobbed into his chest, for a second he just stared at the nurse, his hands at his side as hers wrapped around his waist, then slowly he hugged her..

Natalie felt hopeless as she sat at home, more hours had passed and nothing, this definitely wasnt like him or was it, he did tell her that he was different when he wasnt on a case, was that what was happening, or was he just rekindiling an old flame, the idea infuriated her just as much as not recieving a call from him, she knew she had to get out of that apartment, she remembered what he asked of her, the trash, he had wanted her to empty it, she sighed as she grabbed her car keys and took off...

Caitlin had sobbed for what seemed like hours, she had rambled on and on about how he was gone, really gone, it was a surreal feeling to comfort her because of another man..

"im sorry to be carrying on, i know that you cared about him John, even after" her voice trailed as they sat now across from one another in the small room..

"well i am sorry for your loss Cait, i mean that" he said honestly, he was surprised at himself for being able to push aside feelings of anger to make her feel better, she had a family now, a son, they needed her...

"i wasnt expecting you to come, after everything, im glad you did" she said with tears..

"I think that its been enough time to push past our differences, im ready to do that now" he said honestly as he looked at her, she seemed shocked by his words..

"you seem... i dont know,...different" she said as she studied him..

"i held alot of anger towards you" he took a deep breath.."maybe too long, i blamed you for alot of things when in reality it was me all along, i pushed you away, i might as well of packaged you with a bow and handed you personally to Connor, i see that now, and im...im sorry"

She looked at him touched and surprised by his confession, this was a side of john she had never seen, maybe a glance here and there when they were together, she smiled through tears and reached her hand across the table and grabbed his.."thank you, thank you so much"

Natalie had thought of every worst scenerio there was out there as she drove to his house, to the other drivers it probably looked like she was crazy but hell she didnt care, she pulled into his driveway and immediately felt sad, he wouldnt be in there, just an empty house, she made her way to the door, lifting a rock and pulling out a key she stepped in..

His house carried so many memories, she could see them making love against the wall, then the couch, hell even on the way to the bedroom, she was immediately snapped from her thoughts by the smell of rotting food, she quickly covered her mouth, he wasnt kidding the place reaked, she went to find the trash in question..

John spoke with caitlin for another hour, he was actually surprised at how he held himself, this had been the first time in years that he had talked to her and not in a yelling and crude fashion, had he somehow turned a new leaf, had natalie done that to him, was her selfless acts rubbing off on him?

He sat in his car now outside the hospital, he looked at his phone, he hadnt gotten anything from her, odd he thought, he began to dial her number..

Things had gone from bad to worst in Johns place, first she brought out the horrific garbage from hell and then she found herself wandering into his room, she needed to feel close to him and get the horrible images from her mind, she had sat on his bed and felt the blanket, they had made love there, she tried to relish in the memories, her eyes darted to his closet and she walked to it, opening it as she saw his clothes hung neatly, he definitely had style, she brought one of his silk shirts to her face and she breathed deep, god she missed him, she flipped on the light and looked at his clothes, he definitely had alot of black in there, she smiled to herself as her eyes looked up, a shirt caught her attention, it was his tight black tshirt, she pulled at it and as it came falling at her so did a box and it opened on the ground, expelling its contents..She cursed under her breath as she leaned down to retrieve the items but they werent just any items, they were pictures, memoriabila, she grabbed a picture and as if it burnt her hand she dropped it with the rest on the floor, her eyes wide with shock, it wasnt just random pictures it was of John and some woman, she knelt down some more and looked at a picture that was face down, it had a caption on the back..

**One crazy night, Cait and John**

She flipped it and gasped as if the reality of knowing he kept pictures of his ex was enough, it was naked ones as well, she stumbled back against the wall in shock, feeling absolutely terrified, her phone rang and she jumped pulling it from her pocket fast, it was him, it was John...


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

The phone rang as Natalie stood nervously looking at the floor, pictures strewn about, ones she wished she had never seem, she frantically dropped to the ground scrambling to pick up the mess, she felt sick to her stomach as she tossed picture after picture into the box, her phone rang continuously, she was panicking as she looked at it again, why did he keep this box, why?

John looked at his phone as it went to voicemail, immediately he got worried, was she ok, was something wrong, it was very unlike her not to call or text him, and now she wasnt picking up..

Natalie picked up the last article from the box, concert tickets, she felt sick as her phone began to buzz, alerting her to a new voicemail, she felt tears well in her eyes as she put the phone to her ear to listen..

"hey sweetheart, im a little worried, where are you, call me ok"

She almost laughed out loud as she listened to what he had to say, he was worried my ass she thought, she took the box and pushed it back on the shelf, this was absolutely devestating news, she sat on his bed, her mind swarming with ideas, bad ones, dark ones, was he just playing her, who in the hell kept pictures of their ex in a box, memories in a box unless..unless, he was still in love with her...The idea literally made her ill as she held her mouth, her throat began to fill up and she ran to the bathroom nearly missing the toilet as she vomitted the contents of her stomach..

Natalie sat on the floor of the bathroom, her head over the toilet as she cried, how could she of been so stupid, she had trusted him, took his word on everything he had said and yet he had a god damn box of memories from his ex fiancee, why, why why!

She couldnt get out of his place fast enough as her stomach settled, she drove with tears in her eyes, maybe the box was there for another reason she tried to tell herself but none of it made sense, the only thing that made sense was that he still loved his ex, the same ex whose husband just died, had he seen her already, were they bonding over the death?

She got so upset in the car she had to pull over for fear that she may try and drive herself off of the road, her phone began ringing again, it was him, she looked at it, maybe she would just ask him, maybe she totally misunderstood what was going on, maybe just maybe, she quickly wiped her face and sucked in a deep breath, she answered as normal as she could.."Hey" she said with her hands trembling..

"hey, thank god you answered i was worried" he said honestly, Natalie had to bite back the sarcasm that threatened to leave her throat..

"how are things" she said quickly as she wiped her face again..

"There ok, how are you, you sound a little upset" he said softly, he could hear something in her voice, it concerned him..

"no im fine..i went and emptied your garbage" she began as she wanted to somehow slip in there that she found his dirty box of secrets!

"your really the best, you know that right" he smiled but she wasnt, he couldnt see that though.."so listen im gonna stay for the funeral ok, its this weekend, i have to just clear up some things at work and then i should be back by the end of next week at the latest"

"Oh, another couple days added" she couldnt help the hurt in her voice..

"i know this sucks Natalie, i miss you so much" he said honestly, she didnt answer him.."hello, you still there" he began..

"im sorry im driving, dead zones" she lied, she was about to cry again.."so um it should be nice for you to run into some of your old friends at the funeral, i mean i know its a funeral and all" she said quickly wanting to see how he would answer..

"im sure i wont do much catching up, i have too many things to do here" he thought about all the preparations he would need to do before heading to Lanview for good..

"Oh im sure you wont be busy the whole time" she said a bit coldly..

"You really sound annoyed, are you sure everything is ok" he could hear an edge to her voice, he wasnt use to it, honestly he didnt like it, she sounded sort of pissed off..

"why would i be annoyed" she said quickly..

"umm i dont know why dont you tell me" he said seriously, something was definitely going on..

"You know what traffic is getting bad, im gonna have to go" she said and then hung up abruptly as he looked at his phone..

"what the hell" he said with confusion as he looked at his cell, she had hung up on him, no...maybe she just lost connection, that had to be it..

Natalie felt even more like shit as she sat there in her car, she was crying now, why wasnt he saying anything, why was he hiding this from her, this was something huge and he didnt even say not one thing..

"Damn you John!" she yelled at her phone as she tossed it on the passenger seat and then took off in her car again...

John made his way to Headquaters to see his boss, he knew they would have an awful lot to discuss, he wasnt exactlly sure how he was going to do this, he had been with them so many years, maybe he would just get a transfer to Lanview..

Natalie got home and she was fuming as she threw her keys making them hit the wall, he was totally lying to her, she knew it, she could feel it, the jealousy, insecurity and well down right anger she felt was maddening, she couldnt get the images of those pictures out of his head, he kept those all these years and he brought them with him to Lanview, he kept them in his damn closet!

She couldnt even think straight as she paced her apartment, she wanted to just call him and let him know that she knew all about it but something in her stopped her, as much as she was mad she was more upset about losing him, but had she really ever had him to begin with, she quickly ran to the fridge and grabbed a beer, cracking it open she took a hearty sip.

"The last time i cared about someone they let me down, i let myself down too" she heard his words replay in her head, he had seemed so sad when he spoke, had he really ever gotten over his ex, and now with her husband dead was it just what they needed to find their way back to each other?

"i dont do relationships, im not the family guy" his voice rang out as she drank back her beer some more..He was engaged in the past for god sake, he was about to begin the family journey with that other woman but she had broken him so bad that he refused relationships all together, the thought made natalie sick that that woman had that much involvement in his life, even apparently till this day.. She downed the rest of her beer and grabbed her car keys off the floor, she had to get out of there, she just had to..

John had spoken with his director who was needless to say not very happy with his choice to move out of AC, John was one of the best men that he had, him and Connor were and now with Connor gone it just left John, his director agreed to him taking an extended vacation, apparently he assumed John would come back in the end, but John agreed, it gave him time to see where things with him and Natalie went, he began to think of her again, her odd behaviour, it picked at him as he drove back to his place, he would definitely have to start packing, the sooner the better..

Natalie ended up at Rodi's, it was only mid evening now, about 7 pm but she didnt care, she was gonna drink and find some way through all this madness that was around her, she had called Gigi letting her know that she was heading there early much to the surprise of Gigi, her phone began to ring as she drank back beer number two, she looked at it, it was him.."hey" she said low...

"hey, you never called back" he said with concern as he cracked open a beer and sat back on his couch..

"sorry , busy day" she said without emotion..

"Listen Natalie i know your upset that i am staying longer" he began, it was the only reason he could think of that would make her so distant, his door bell rang and Natalie heard it too as she sat up more in her chair, she could hear him fidgeting to get to the door, then she heard his muffled voice say.."what are you doing here" and then she heard an equally muffled female voice say.."i just need to talk to you", she stiffened immediately..

John looked at Caitlin in shock and then at the phone that he now had covered by his hand..

"Hello?" Natalie said getting increasingly annoyed, she knew she heard a womans voice, he was covering the phone, she just knew it..

"Hey listen um im gonna have to call you back ok, just give me a minute" he said and then just like that he hung up and Natalie couldnt freaking believe it, now she was absolutely fuming mad..

John looked to Caitlin.."they let you out?" he seemed almost shocked, he had just seen her in the morning..

"can i come in please" she said as she stood there uncomfortably..

John ran his hand through his hair.."yeah ok" he said nervously as he backed up and let her in, she seem to look around at his furnishings..

"You always had good taste John" she said honestly as she turned to face him..

"why are you really here Cait" he asked..

"They let me out" she shrugged her shoulders.."i was gonna go and see my mom, see my boy but" she had tears in her eyes as John stood there uncomfortably.."But i dont know how i am suppose to tell my son that his daddy died" she began to cry, John couldnt help it, he was a sucker for crying women, he walked up to her cautiously..She looked at him with tears.."how am i suppose to do this John, how" she cried she turned into his chest as he stood there, more than a bit unsure of what to do now..

Natalie couldnt believe what had just taken place, she was half tempted to call him back and tell him to fuck off, either that or break her phone into a million pieces, she huffed angrily into the air..

"Thats not a good sound" Gigi said as she walked up to her and Natalie quickly downed a shot.."and that doesnt look good either" she said with concern..

"I dont want to talk about it" Natalie said quickly as she began to walk up to the bar, she needed drinks, more and more drinks..

John felt bad for Caitlin, after everything he still had a soft spot for her and he hated himself for that, she had tried to destroy him, hell she had destroyed him and now he sat here comforting her as she wept over the man she left him for, his now dead ex bestfriend..

"look at me im a fucking mess, i cant even...i should of never came" she broke free from him as she walked across the room, he just watched her, unsure of what to say.."You must hate me" she said as she shook her head..

"i should hate you" he said honestly as she looked at him.."i wish i did" he said low as he walked across the room.."You need to take care of your son, you need to go be with him"

"i cant even take care of myself at the moment" she said sarcastically as she wiped her face..

"i dont know what you want me to do" he said as he looked at her..

Mountain of drinks made her quickly feel the numbness she was looking for, Gigi had joined along with her, making sure not to add fuel to the fire even though she knew something horrible had happened, she was gonna be a friend for Natalie tonight cause thats what she needed..

Natalie obnoxiously danced on the floor, attracting a wide variety of men joining her, she didnt care, hell she could only imagine what john was doing, she wasnt about to sit around like some weak little bitch anymore, this was her time damn it!

John watched as Caitlin walked over to him, he wanted to move, to walk away but he stood there, her hand went to his face.."i dont deserve your kindness after everything i had done" she said softly..

"i need a drink" he said as he removed her hand from his face and he walked into the kitchen, taking a deep breath..He silently cursed himself, what was he doing, he was with Natalie now, she was a great person, a wonderful person and merely seconds before he had almost kissed his ex, the one who betrayed him..He sighed as he used his arms to lean over the sink..

Natalie stumbled her way to the bar, annoucing that the next round was on her as Rodi's went wild, Mac looked at her with concern, she saw it in his eyes but ignored it as she ordered a round of jello shots for everyone..

"natalie" she heard a familiar voice and spun around, nearly falling..

"oh my god Cris!" she said overjoyed and drunkingly threw her arms around him, he seemed taken back.."where the heck have you been" she slurred her words as she looked at him..

"um i should ask you the same thing, are you ok" he said with worry as he looked at her drunken state..

"Ok? Im fucking GREAT.. Woooooooo" she shouted obnoxiously as she threw her hands in the air..

"Who are you here with" he was worried about her, she was very drunk..

"who who" she laughed.."You sound like an owl" she almost fell again and he grabbed her arm..."you wanna jello shot, i got them for EVERYONE aint that right people" she shouted as drunken cheers were heard..

"I think you should sit down" he said as he held her arm..

"and i think your cute" she smiled as she put her arms over his shoulders and slumped against him.."you know what i think Cris, i think we should of made love that night" she smiled at him..

"Nat let me take you home ok, you've had way too much too drink" he said seriously..

"No" she pushed herself from him.."Im having fun" she walked back out to the dance floor and grabbed a random guy and began dancing, she didnt know but she left her phone at the bar, it began to ring as Cris looked at it, he hadnt seen Gigi at this point and he was worried, someone had to get her out of here, her phone rang some more...

John paced the kitchen, his phone ringing, he had to hear her voice, his ex was in the livingroom, he was starting to panick but she wasnt answering, he was about to hang up when he heard what sounded like a concert in the background.."Hello? Natalie" he spoke as he covered his free ear with his hand..

"hello?" Cris sort of yelled in the phone and Johns eyes got wide, for a second he thought he dialed the wrong number, he looked at his phone again..

"who is this" he felt his blood beginning to boil, why the hell was a guy answering her phone.."where's Natalie"

"i cant really hear you, if your looking for Natalie, she is...she is in trouble" Cris said as he barely heard the voice on the other end..

"what? Who the fuck is this" John began to yell, his face getting read.."where the hell is Natalie" he yelled again..He could swear he heard a guy say she was in trouble but the background noise was so loud, but then he heard her, he heard her voice..

"what the hell are you doing on my phone" she yelled drunkingly as she ran over to Cris and yanked the phone from him..

"Natalie!" John barked..."natalie answer me" he could hear her yelling at someone in the background, there was a shuffling sound, she sounded drunk, she was slurring her words.."natalie!"

"who the hell is on the phone" she yelled and then put it to her ear.."who is this" she snapped..

"what the hell is going on Natalie" John said as he was pacing now..

"Oh its you" she said coldly, it completely took him off guard.."piss off asshole" she yelled and then the phone went dead as he yelled into it..

"Fuck!" he yelled and stormed from the kitchen, he was going to Lanview right now, he didnt care if it took him all night to get there, he stopped when he saw Caitlin in the livingroom, he had forgotten she was there, she looked uncomfortable as she stood there, apparently she had heard him yelling into the phone..

"is everything ok" she asked seriously..

"no everything is not fucking ok, i have to go" he said as he grabbed his keys..

"john where are you going" she said as she ran up to him, she looked worried, she had seen that look in his eye once before, she had seen his rage...

"right now is not a good time, sorry about Connor, sorry about everything, im out" he said completely pissed off as he left her standing in his apartment and he left in a hurry..

John was beyond pissed and upset as he drove, he was doing well over the speed limit, all he kept hearing was her drunk in the background, and she told him to piss off, what the fuck!

He couldnt even think about the fact that he had left his ex fiancee in his apartment, all he could see was Natalie and he was going to get to the bottom of this, he punched the gas some more, at this rate he would be there in four hours, he looked at his watch it was nearly 9pm already, he drove with an urgency like none other..He had no idea where she was but he had a feeling he would find out..

Natalie hadnt even seen Gigi in hours and Cris stayed vigil at the bar just watching her, he didnt know who that guy was on her phone but he had an inclination it was the guy from a few weeks ago, and he sounded pissed..Natalie may of refused to leave with Cris but he wasnt about to leave her there and have some idiot take advantage of her so he waited patiently cause if he had to go ape shit on some guy, well he would..

The bar began to die down as natalie found herself in a booth with a guy named George, she had just met him a few hours ago but right now she was heavily kissing him as she sat on his lap, honestly at this point she was so far gone that she didnt care about nothing and no one..

John saw the sign for Lanview and he drove, hoping not to get pulled over as he sped through town, he had spent 4 hours literally racking his mind over what the hell had happened for her to go beserk like that, he just didnt get it, he slowed down as he hit the first bar in town, Rodi's , he scanned the now almost empty parking lot and his eyes landed on her car, he looked at his watch nearly 1 pm, he skidded to a stop and ran to the doors..

The place was nearly deserted, he looked at the bar and saw that same guy that he had pulled off of Natalie that night at her apartment, the same one he had seen her in bed with, but he wasnt with natalie but his attention was definitely on something, he followed the watching eyes of this guy and then he saw it, her red hair, some guys hands in it, he literally saw Red as he ran up to her, to them, yanking her from this guys lap as she whipped her head around, her eyes bloodshot as the drunken guy attempted to protest to John, but he wasnt having it, one hit that was all, right on the cheek bone sent the guy to the ground as Mac ran over, John couldnt even focus on what the man was saying as he yanked a drunk natalie by the arm..

"what the fuck are you doing" he yelled at her..She couldnt even yell back at this point and he was oddly aware that she had no idea what the hell was happening, she stumbled some as Cris ran over..

"i tried to get her to leave, she's been drinking all night" Cris said with concern as John looked at him, hell he wanted to hit him too..

"yeah well im here now so you can get the fuck out of here" John barked at him, his blood boiling dangerously high as Cris shook his head at John and then walked out of the bar, John took his attention back to Natalie as Mac attended to the guy attempting to get off the floor..

"Can you please just take her and go" Mac said loudly, not wanting any more trouble..

"I...i...not...not ready" she slurred as John looked at her, breathing heavy, he quickly picked her up as she protested some and then settled against him as he left quickly with her..

John took her back to his place outside of Lanview, he was completely beside himself with anger, she was passed out now and he literally wanted to shake her stupid but he would wait, when she woke up, well things were about to get seriously real!


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

Natalie awoke abruptly to her head pounding violently, the light pouring through the lids of her eyes wasnt helping, she groaned as she grabbed the soft material around her and put it over her head but it was yanked roughly from her face.."hey!" she yelled angrily, all she wanted was to block out the light and the beating in her head..

"Rise and shine sweetheart" she heard a voice a familiar one, it wasnt a happy tone, she peeked through heavy lids and focused on the face looking down at her, she blinked her eyes some, it was John.."expecting someone else" his voice was angry and teetering on the edge of hysteria, she tried to sit up but he angrily pushed her back down.."what the hell were you thinking! Do you want to get fucking raped, is that it" he was furious with her, he had sat up all night and hell all morning as well just watching her, thinking she would die of a alcohol poisioning, but when she woke his worry was quickly replaced with anger..

"john?" she said through hazy eyes, she didnt fully understand why he was there, her memory of the night before was fuzzy at best..

"oh amazing you remember my name, what the fuck natalie"he yelled at her as he now got up, he was too angry and dangerously close to lashing out in a bad way..

"how are you here, why are you here" she began as the realization of where she was slowly began to fill her clouded mind, she was in his bedroom, in his bed, she sat up some, she still wasnt understanding what happened..

"i drove for four hours, for FOUR god damn hours not knowing what the hell i would find when i got here, do you understand that, DO YOU!" he yelled as she rubbed her head, flashes of memories suddenly coming back full force, they hurt, they physically hurt, she held her head.."I told you i had things to take care of, i told you Natalie and then this, who the fuck was that guy last night!" his voice shook as he yelled from across the room..

"i dont...i dont know" she said honestly as she held her head, his yelling wasnt helping the pounding..

"oh well thats just fucking perfect, is this what you do when im gone, IS IT!" he ran up to her now, grabbing her arms and shaking her slightly..

She had had enough of the yelling, her memory was coming back, she knew why she had gotten here, to this place in her life, she yanked herself back.."How dare you, your nothing but a fucking hypocrite!" she yelled at him as he looked at her shocked..

"Seriously your gonna do this now, im a hypocrite, your out of your fucking mind lady!" he yelled angrily at her..

"oh am i, HUH..who the hell were you with last night, HUH, who was she, WHO!" she yelled and it suddenly hit him, the phone call, Caitlin showing up, he felt backed into a corner.."you have no right to yell at me, NO RIGHT!" she tore the blankets off of herself.."when were you gonna tell me John, huh,,when were you gonna tell me about your ex fiancee Caitlin!" she yelled as she stood now, she was angry and tears rolled down her cheeks, she just wanted to leave, he didnt speak for a second..

"how did you know her name" he was speechless..

"oh funny how the tables change huh, you know you could of saved both of us alot of grief if you were just honest this whole time!" she walked up to him, her face drenched in tears.."i fucking cared about you, and you...you fucking played me" she yelled as she pointed her finger..

"what was i suppose to do just come out and tell you , HUH..when? Between the case and all the other shit going on here" he began to yell defensively even though he knew he was in the wrong..

"oh so what we had was shit, thats great" she yelled with tears.."you know what fuck you" she tried to walk past him but he grabbed her arm, stopping her..

"nothing happened between me and her, Nothing, i swear" his voice was pleading as he looked at her..

She yanked her arm back from him.."Oh yeah" she ran to his closet and violently yanked the box from the shelf, throwing it at him.."then why the fuck do you still have these!" she yelled as he watched the pictures fall around him on the ground.."I know why you still have these, i do" she said with tears as he looked at the pictures then at her.."cause you still fucking love her" she yelled.."just say you dont, say it" she challenged him as he looked down and then back at her..

"I...I..I ..dont" his words trailed he didnt know what to say, honestly he couldnt say it cause in reality he knew part of it was true, he still had feelings for Cait, he didnt want to but he did..

"Wow, you do..you love her" she felt crushed as she looked at him, she quickly had to look away, she felt sick, ill again, she moved past him he grabbed her arm again..

"natalie it's... i dont... i...care about you" he began to say as she shook her head at him...

"But you love her, no one keeps a box of memories unless there is a reason" he let go of her arm now, she was right.."i gotta go" she said as her hands went to that damn necklace, she pulled it from her neck as the clasp broke, she dropped it on the floor.."i dont need this anymore" she said as she ran out of there and he stood there with his box of memories...

2 years later...

Natalie began to stir to the sound of crying in the background, she groaned and rolled over, her hand landing on his bare chest..

"your turn" she said sleepily as he began to rouse, the crying got louder through the baby monitor.."Cris" she whined as he grumbled some...

"ok ok im up" he said half asleep as he climbed from the bed and walked with heavy feet out of the room as Natalie now sat up, rubbing her tired eyes as she too got up and yawned, she dawned a silk robe and headed out of the room, she stopped at the door where Cris was holding Emma, her sweet baby girl..

"You know Emma mama always makes me get up but she always comes in" He smiled as Emma bounced in his arms, glad to be free of the crib prison..

"well your daddy gets up quicker then me" she stuck her tongue out at Cris and he grinned..

"I have some where i can put that to good use" he smiled big as she took Emma from him..

"child present" Natalie rolled her eyes at him as she cooed at Emma and was rewarded with a huge laugh..

"well then you should learn to be quiter at night then" he slapped her butt as he began walking out of the room, Natalie looked back at Emma..

"Your daddy is crazy" she cooed at her..

Emma was the worlds best baby Natalie was convinced and the smartest at 15 months old..Her hair now growing in with red locks, her eyes as blue as the ocean, yes this was her princess and reason for living..

"mama... mama" Emma tried to wiggle free, ever since she began to walk she didnt want to be picked up, Natalie placed her on her tiny feet, she got her balance quick and then off she was running as natalie laughed..

"you better watch out you have a munchkin heading your way" Natalie called out as she picked up the toys from the floor and placed them in the toybox, she quickly made Emma's bed, her hand lingering on the wood crib..

"want coffee?" Cris yelled and it snapped her from her heavy thoughts as she spun around, Coffee yes, she would definitely need coffee..

Sitting at the kitchen table Natalie drank back her coffee as she flipped through the news paper, Emma sat a few feet away bouncing up and down as she watched Barney, a bowl of cheerios making their home on the floor..She flipped another page, stopping when she saw his picture, it still made her cringe today, it was Carlo Hesser..

"you dont need to do this alone Nat" his hand touched hers and she jumped slightly, she had been edgy lately that was a fact, Carlo's trial was finally here and she had to testify, she didnt feel well..

"its fine cris we already talked about this, its one day thats all" she said as she got up, not wanting to continue this talk any further as she walked to pour another cup of coffee.

"he's gonna be there, you know that Nat.. but can you handle that" he said with concern and she faced him..

"whats there to handle" she said as she began to walk over to Emma..

"it was a hard time in your life nat, what you went through with and without him" he began and she huffed as she picked up Emma..

"dont do this Cris, i told you i was fine and i meant it" she snapped at him and Emma got all wide eyed in front of her, she didnt like when her mom raised her voice.."mommy is just kidding" she said quickly as she kissed her daughters belly and Emma squealed in delight.."Please Cris" she said softer this time and he sighed as he ran his hand through his short hair..Her phone began to ring and she looked at Cris, he came over and grabbed Emma.."thank you i gotta get that" she said as she took off for her phone..

John ran around his apartment fixing his tie as he drank a cup of coffee and similtaniously talked on the phone to his boss..

"Im gonna head there right after court, i know i know i got the files on me" he huffed as he tried to enjoy the hot liquid but to no avail.."seriously relax boss i got this" he said finally and then smiled.."see you around 4" he said as he hung up his phone and took one last sip, his eyes darting to the paper on his coffee table, he looked at the man he despised, Carlo Hesser, his mind went back to her, it always did..

It had been two years since he saw saw her last, things had ended incredibly bad, worse then he imagined, he had ran like a coward back to AC back to Caitlin, his warped mind had convinced him it was what he needed but in reality it was all an illusion, that relationship ended almost as quickly as it began the second time around, apparently its very hard to trust someone who fucked you over, and he had learned that the hard way, he had lost Natalie in the process, he put his coffee cup down, it was for the best, he was emotionally damaged goods, she was so much better off without him, but today he would have to see her, he would have to look into those eyes that at one time held so much hope only to be replaced with hatred..

They had to testify about what happened with Carlo that dreaded day, but oddly enough this day weighed heavier on him, he could only hope it would be short and painless..

Natalie sat in the limo, she was already starting off to a late start, she leaned back and sighed as she crossed her legs, she enjoyed the wine for the ride, she was definitely going to need it, she began to wonder if she had forgotten anything, it was the first time Cris would have the entire day with Emma, she knew he could do it, hell half the time she believed he was a better parent then she was, with work keeping her occupied most of the time she felt like she was missing out on so much, and now this, she had to head to AC for this damn trial, she would have to see him, she hated to admit it, she would never admit it but the thought of seeing him, it messed with her, even after all this time, she pushed that feeling down and called out to the limo driver.."how much longer"

"about an hour Ms. Buchanan" he smiled back at her and she huffed, she was definitely gonna be late...She was already nervous as hell even though it didnt show on the outside, she was good with that now, hding her emotions, atleast she had him to thank for that..

John had arrived at the court house early he had wanted to talk to the District Attorney, the state of New Jersey was going for the life in prision with no chance of parole, this had been a very long time coming, he honestly just couldnt wait to have it end cause it was nothing but a constant reminder of another time..

Natalie began to nod off in that limo, her sleep was restricted these days, but it wasnt only Emma keeping her up all night, it was that damn case going to trial and Cris trying to take some of her burden from her like he always did..

He had been wonderful through everything, when she had left Johns house that day she literally felt her heart break into pieces and it was only made worse by the fact that he didnt even try to stop her, hell he hadnt even called, and she knew why cause she had been right, he was in love with his ex...

_For days she had felt horrible, sick to her stomach really, it felt like the worlds worst stomach flu and she stayed in her house for days, even had to call into work sick, she sucked it up to the stress of the last few weeks , hell the last few days, she had gone from happy to miserable in 2.5 seconds.._

It had been about day three since John left and she was barely functioning, she had cried her eyes out to Gigi who was overwhelmingly worried about her but thankfully no told you so's were said but a surprise visitor would change everything..

She had been laying on the couch this day, a garbage pail next to her as she stayed there, if only she would get over being sick, this sucked, a knock on her door alerted her and she groaned, a knock happened again and she got up convinced who ever was at the door was about to get hell from her..She swung it open with anger, her eyes got wide..

"Cris what are you doing here" she said with shock as he looked at her..

He looked concerned.."I uh...I ran into Gigi" he said nervously as he ran his hand through his hair..

"Oh god" she said sarcastically as she rolled her eyes..."Listen i am not in the mood" she went to close the door, the last thing she needed was pity from him..

He put his hand on the door.."Nat wait ok"

"Gigi had no right saying anything to you" she said angrily, she would definitely have a word or two with her friend after this..

"she was worried Nat and with good reason" he said with concern..

"so you came here to give me your pity, no thanks i dont need it" she began to yell and then she felt it, she was gonna be sick again, she ran to the garbage as she fell to her knees throwing up, he walked over to her, holding her hair..

"nat how long have you been sick" he said softly as she coughed slightly then looked up at him, she couldnt help the tears pricking her eyes..

"Im fine ok" she sat back on the floor, he sat down next to her..She covered her face, she hated how sad she felt, how weak..."everything is so messed up right now" she began to cry as he put his arm around her, she didnt even understand why he was being like this, she had been horrible to him, she was ashamed..

"its gonna be ok Nat, im sorry he hurt you" he said softly as she looked at him with tears..

"its never going to be ok" she said with tears as she looked at him..

"the pain goes away, trust me" he said as he brushed a piece of her hair away.."but what we need to do now is get you to a doctor, your really sick" he said with worry..

She began to laugh sarcastically with tears streaming down her face.."im not sick, im ...im fucking pregnant" she began to cry hysterically, some how saying the words outloud made it real, she knew it hadnt been the flu even though she tried to tell herself it was, but deep down she knew what was really wrong, she was pregnant with Johns baby.

"ten minutes Ms. Buchanan" the limo drivers voice made her jump from her sleep as she looked out the window, they were in AC now, she felt her chest thud heavily, she could do this, it was just one day, one day and she would head back to Lanview and forget about everything..

"so i finally said it outloud, thats great... just great" she cried as she sat on the floor..

Cris pulled her against him and rocked her some.."i am so sorry Nat"

"Its fine" she wiped her face quickly as she began to stand, she hated feeling like this, she had become some weeping willow.."Im just gonna suck it up and move on"

"this is sort of a big deal Nat" cris said honestly as she walked across the livingroom, her arms over her chest.."does he know?"

She spun to face him, her eyes wide.."no...no and im not" she said with fear..

"ok" cris seem to think some.."why not"

"your kidding right, im not telling him..and your the only one who knows and your not saying anything either" she said quickly, the last thing she wanted to do was call john and give him the news, just something else to give him guilt about, no thanks!

"gigi doesnt know" he said with surprise..

"You cant say anything Cris.. you cant" she said as her eyes continued to fill..

Natalie shook the thoughts from her head, that was an incredibly bad time for her, she had almost gotten rid of Emma, almost,... the thought of carrying Johns child, it was incredibly painful to deal with but Cris was right there, he was her shoulder to lean on, he had helped her through so much and when she began showing, when she finally had to let her family know, well Cris did the dirty work for her, he claimed he was her babys father and to everyone he was, but they both knew the truth, the real truth but it would forever stay hidden, it had to..

_In a moment of weakness and Cris's constant pressuring over the months, she had almost told John, almost.._

They had just bought a house, the nursery was almost complete, they were gonna be a family, maybe a forced one but a family no less, she looked at a newspaper, word of Carlo's trial was coming up again, it always made her feel sick..

"you should stop reading that crap" Cris said as he walked over to her, covered in paint as he had just finished the livingroom..

"ignoring it doesnt make it go away" she said honestly as her hand went to her now 6month old pregnant stomach, she was huge these days and uncomfortable, thank god for Cris and his support, she couldnt of made it this far without him..

They had remained friends up until this point, he didnt push her to anything, he knew she was fragile and he offered to help her anyway he could, honestly she thought he was too good for her, he had put up with so much and took on so much, he didnt have to, he wanted to he assured her..

"maybe its time you just call him Nat" he said low as he looked at her..

"weve already discussed this, No" she snapped angrily.."i never said you had to take on responsibility of me , of this" she looked at her stomach, she hated to admit it but she resented this thing growing inside it, it reminded her of him, it was a constant reminder..

"this" he touched her stomach.."this is a baby Nat, yours and his, he has a right to know"

"I dont even understand why your here" she snapped at him.."if your gonna keep throwing in my face that its his then why dont you just go" she was tired of the guilt trip..

"you think i am happy that this is his baby, really" he said with emotion.."If you havent noticed Nat im here with you by choice, im here cause... cause ive fallen in love with you and with " his voice trailed as he touched her stomach, she stiffened, this was all too real, he had said the words, the ones she never wanted to hear, she backed up from him, needing to make distance..

"this wasnt part of the deal " she said with a shaky voice..

"you dont think i know that, you dont think i feel like an idiot admitting that to you" he turned from her, his heart racing.."do you remember that day, the day you showed up at my gallery and we...we almost" his voice trailed off..

"we almost made love,..i... i remember" she said low and now he turned to face her..

"but we didnt, but having you there laying in bed next to me, it was the first time that i had slept so sound and... and that was because of you" he said honestly and she cast her eyes down, feeling uncomfortable cause she remembered what happened the days following that, what happened with her and John.."i knew you were mixed up with that guy but it didnt stop what i felt for you, it still hasnt"

"cris please dont do this, i told you already... i ...i cant" she turned from him, her heart was broken, shattered really..."nothing will ever be the same again" she said low and she meant it..

"thats cause you dont allow it to be Natalie, we could make this work, like really work, like a real family" he poured his heart out to her..

"I cant give you what you need" she said with tears..

"you can try cause i wont hurt you" he said low..

"im sorry Cris but i cant" she said with tears as she walked away from him..

They pulled up to the courthouse and Natalie quickly adjusted her pants suit, life had gone on for her and after Emma was born well, she had seen the life she created, the one she knew she had to protect from everything bad in this world, Emma was her reason for going on, for being strong, she was just a helpless baby who didnt ask for any of this, and so she tried with Cris, she would make this work, Emma deserved the best that life could offer and natalie was gonna make damn sure she got it..

She stepped from the limo and onto the side walk, she took a deep breath, she could do this she kept telling herself, she would keep Emma front and center in her mind and she could do anything, she took a step, her legs trembling slightly, she silently cursed herself for the feelings erupting in her but then she remember the call, the one she made when she was 7 months pregnant, the one that had put everything in prospective..

_Cris sat by her side as he held her hand, he nodded to her with suppport as she held the phone in her hand, dialing his number, she would do it, she would just let him know about the baby so she could move on with her life, it began to ring, Cris squeezed her hand harder.._

"Hello?" a tired womans voice answered and she stiffened some as she looked at Cris.."Hello?" the woman said again, and then she heard his voice..

"Cait who is it" natalie gulped and immediately hung up as she looked at Cris, all the months of her assuming, or maybe it was more hope that he was as torn as her had come to a crashing halt, what she had heard wasnt a voice of sadness, he had moved on and with his ex for that matter and at that moment she knew she would too..

She walked the stairs to the courthouse, she was stronger now, tougher, nothing or no one could mess with her, she stepped inside..

John began to feel very nervous, the court proceedings hadnt begun yet, she wasnt there, she was nearly 30 minutes late and the smiling grin on Carlo's smug face made him want to end this mans life now, the sound of the door opening made everyone in the court turn, needless to say the Judge was very unhappy...

"I am so sorry" Natalie began, she knew she was late, the judge looked pissed..

"you are 30 minutes lates Officer Buchanan, i dont run my courthouse like this" the judge barked at her and she swallowed hard as she began walking, she saw him sitting there, he was looking at her, she immediately brought her attention to the judge..

"again i apologize i came from Lanview" she said quickly as the judge stood..

"I have other cases to attend to and since you cant be punctual i am forced to reschedule until morning" the judge stood and sighs were heard, Natalie swallowed hard..

"but judge" she couldnt stay there another day, she had to get home to her daughter..

"would you like me to hold you in contempt" the judge said warningly to her.."i didnt think so , we reconvene in the morning, 9 am, i advise you to be on time" the judge said as Natalie stood there, her eyes glancing at Carlo,he grinned big and licked his lips, she quickly spun around, she had to get out of there..

John had watched as she walked through the doors, she was dressed in a dark blue pants suit, her hair back in a pony tail, she looked even more beautiful then he remembered, he couldnt get over how much she had changed, she looked at him for a second and quickly looked away, he just watched her as the judge gave her the riot act, she looked uncomfortable, a hint of the girl he remembered standing there but different..

She turned and left, he quickly got up and walked to the doors, just in time to see her exiting the building.."natalie wait" he called out as her body stiffened at the sound of his voice calling her name..


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen

Natalie heard him call out her name, she kept walking as if she hadnt heard him, seeing him there, it affected her more than she wanted to believe, she had to go and now, she walked out the doors, she didnt even know where she was gonna go..

"Natalie" he called out again as he ran after her, she was outside now as he got in front of her, she looked like a deer caught in the headlights as she stood there..

"I really dont have time right now" she said as she turned from him and looked around, there was no where to go..

"I can give you a ride if you need a ride" he began and she couldnt believe this, she began to laugh..

"No im fine" she said with a sarcastic laugh as she began to wave her hand for a cab but nothing..

"its nice seeing you" he said even though he knew she was basically ignoring him..

"sure, whatever" she said quickly as another cab went by, she was beginning to panic now, she began to walk down the street..

"can you just give me a minute" he said as he got up to her and grabbed her arm, she stopped, he let go of her arm..

"Listen there is somewhere i have to be" she lied as she couldnt face him, he stared at her for a second..

"the case is adjorned until tomorrow, im sure you have some time" he said honestly and now she looked at him..

"Not for you, now if you dont mind" she said coldly as she began to walk, she would find a hotel, damn it why did she have to be stuck there, this sucked..

"Damn it Natalie" he yelled this time and now she stopped, she kept telling herself she was the one in control, she was, not him, not again, not ever..He ran up to her, he had to talk to her, it had been 2 years, alot had changed in 2 years, he changed and seeing her now after all this time, well it was now or never..

He had stayed with Caitlin for a little over 7 months, at first he thought that it was what he wanted and needed, things were good, she had moved in with her son, he actually felt like he had a family but her son Gabriel was a reminder of what she had done to him and as much as he tried to look past it, well, he couldnt, he ended it abruptly, quickly, she was angry and unhappy but he knew that staying with her was not only unfair to her and her son but to him as well..

"Listen John i dont want to be rude but" she began as she turned to face him, she finally looked at him, like really looked at him, he looked good, he always did, his hair a bit longer though she could tell he had been trimming it, his facial hair neat and undercontrol, his eyes still those piercing blue..

"come on Natalie its me" he said honestly as he looked at her, he could see her hiding behind a wall.."I just wanted to see how you were doing thats all" he had worried about her so much over the past two years, he never could find the courage to go after her, to tell her everything he had wanted to say, but he knew this day would come, it would and then he would get his chance to say what he needed to..

Natalie swallowed the lump in her throat, she went to say something and her phone rang, she immediately grabbed it out and looked at it, it was Cris, her mind went to Emma, she turned from John.."hey is everything ok" she said a bit nervously..

"yeah its fine, im not catching you at a bad time am i" he asked as John stood idly by...

"Nope" she said nervously as she kept her back turned.."but um i got here late, the judge was mad" she began as she sighed..

"Oh crap what happened" he said with concern..

"the stupid traffic thats what happened" she sighed.."they are reconvening in the morning" she hated this, she wanted to go home now..

"ok, thats ok" he began, she hated that he was always so damn nice about everything..

"No its not cris, i need to get home" she said quickly, john had heard what she said, he had heard the guys name, it definitely wasnt lost on him, she was with someone else now and well as much as he had already assumed that well hearing it, hearing it made it real, he ran his hand through his hair, feeling uncomfortable now..

"You need to do this first Nat, this is important" Cris said honestly..

"being at home is important" she said nervously, she knew John was still there, behind her..

"did you see him" he asked quietly..

"Uh hmmm" she said low..

"and?" he asked..

"and nothing" she sighed, she desperately wanted to get off the street and out of these damn clothes..."im gonna have to get a hotel room or something"

"You sound upset" he said with concern..

"i am, i wanted to be heading home today" she snapped a bit loud.."Im sorry i didnt mean to yell, listen let me get a room somewhere and then i will call you" she said lower this time..

"Ok but dont worry about me and Emma were fine" he sighed.."she misses you though"

"me too" she closed her eyes.."more than you know" she said low.."i gotta go" she said as she hung up..

The uncomfortable vibe in the air was at its highest as she stood there.."so do you need a ride to a hotel" John finally spoke..

"No its fine i will just get a cab" she said quickly as another cab went by.."damn it" she huffed..

"natalie seriously my car is just over there, let me just give you a ride, ok" he said honestly as she turned to look at him..."the cabbies are rude here, it will be atleast an hour before anyone stops"

Natalie glanced at her watch then back at him, she couldnt stand on that side walk with him for another hour, a ride wouldnt kill her and the sooner she got to a hotel the better...

"come on its just over there" he pointed to his car.."there's a Marriott not too far"

Natalie thought for another second.."ok" she told herself she could do this, she was stronger than this..

"ok" he said with a half smile as he began to walk, she followed him as he neared his car, he opened the passenger door and she got in.."you look pretty" he said as he closed the door and walked around the car, she fidgeted nervously as she sat there, he got in and she stared straight forward.."life is being good to you?" he asked as he started his car..

"yep, perfect" she said quickly.."and you?" she looked at him for a second..

"sure" he said as he began to drive, he glanced over at her, she was staring out the window.."hows everything at the station?"

"work as usual" she wanted to keep conversation to a minimum, it was bad enough she was in the car with him, god she hated that even after two years her body reacted to his..

He could tell she was trying to be quick and to the point, the tension was high.."carlo is gonna get life without parole" he said as he looked at her..

"good he deserves it" she said honestly, she didnt look at him..

"are you ok being here, seeing him" he asked and she looked at him now..

"i have no problem seeing him" she was lying, she hated seeing him, he still haunted her nightmares, she looked back out the window..

"its been awhile" he said low.."you know since we brought him down" she looked at him now..

"yeah well a lots changed in two years" she said coldly and then she looked away..

"im sorry we left things they way we did, i never thought that" he began as her nerves became shot..

"ok we dont need to do this, actually i dont want to do this, just..just pull over here" she said quickly as he looked at her..

"come on Natalie dont you think that maybe we should atleast talk about this" he said honestly ..

She began to laugh sarcastically.."oh my god this is a nightmare"

"you know whats a nightmare is that i havent seen you in two years" he began and she rolled her eyes and laughed sarcastically..

"hey we both made choices back then, i am not reliving this, pull over" she was half tempted to jump from the moving car..

"No ive waited two years to talk to you" he said loud and she looked at him..

"dont make me jump out of this car john" she said warningly as her hand went to the handle, she tested him and went to pull it knowing full well that she wouldnt jump but it didnt budge, her eyes got wide.."you put the damn child lock on the door" she was furious..

"I just want to talk to you thats all" he said as he looked at her and kept driving..

"Unbelievable so your gonna hold me against me will, stop this car!" she yelled as her heart raced, she needed space from him, she needed to get away..

"god damn it Natalie NO!" he yelled as he looked at her.."what the hell happened to us back then" he lowered his voice some..

"oh my god i cant believe your doing this, its been two years if you havent noticed, ive moved on!" she yelled at him..

"ok fair enough you've moved on, i can accept that" he said as he looked at her.."then why cant you look at me"

She turned and glared at him.."happy? I looked at you, now stop the car" she looked away..

"you know exactlly what i mean" he said as he looked at her..

"what do you want me to say to you huh" she looked at him, her tone angry.."we messed around, you left, end of story" she snapped..

"bullshit it was more than that and you know it" he said a bit angrily, god she could be so damn stubborn sometimes..

"i was 22 years old John, i was a kid, kids do silly crap all the time" she said with a roll of her eyes..

"well thats great im glad that you matured so much over the years" he said sarcastically and she looked at him..

"yeah well im sorry that you need some sort of closure, im fine and im happy" she snapped at him..

"and your still a horrible liar" he said honestly as he pulled up to the hotel.."i still care about you natalie" he said low and she stared out the window..

"please let me out" she finally said, she wouldnt look at him..

"i never wanted to hurt you, and im sorry i did" he said honestly..

"is that it, are you done now" she snapped at him and he unlocked the door and looked at her, he couldnt help his hand touching the side of her face, she quickly opened up the car door and slammed it shut, leaving him to sit there as she took off inside..

Natalie stormed her way inside he hotel, she was pissed, no one was around, she huffed.."can i get some god damn service around here" she yelled as a man came quickly around the corner.."its about damn time, i need a room" she said as she walked up to him..

"maam im sorry but were booked solid" he began and she leaned on the desk, closing in the space between them..

"Do you know who i am" she said through gritted teeth as he looked at her perplexed.."Buchanan, Natalie Buchanan" she stared at him and his eyes got wide, she knew that would do the trick..

"oh...my apologizes Ms. Buchanan" the guy said as he began typing in the computer.."is the entire family in town?" he asked...

"No just me but i need a room just for tonight" she said as he took ourt her credit card and he smiled..

"well it looks as though a room became available" he grinned..

"im sure it did" she rolled her eyes at him, she hated fucking hotels.."do you have a lounge?" she needed a drink bad..

"sure do just down the hall some" he smiled as he finished up handed her the room key.."would you like me to show you?"

"No thanks i got it" she said as she walked away, being in AC was turning into a nightmare, she quickly made her way to the lounge..

Natalie made her way into the empty lounge, she walked up to the bar and ordered a drink, she looked around at the place, it definitely wasnt Rodi's but it would have to do.."keep them coming" she said as she headed over to a nearby couch and had a seat as she sipped on her beer and quickly called Cris..

John made his way into the hotel, she was gonna hear him out one way or another, he hadnt waited all this time for her to blow him off, he knew she was with someone, hell he didnt care, he saw the way she looked at him, she may be acting like she hated him but he could see past her tough exterior and he was planning on making things right this time, he had too..

Natalie sighed as she talked to Cris.."this really sucks, i dont want to be here all night" she said to him..

"i know but just think soon all of it will be over and you wont have to go back there again"

"and your sure she is ok" she asked with concern, she missed her little girl already...

"positive, why dont you just use this time to unwind and dont worry about anything" he said honestly..

"easy for you to say" she began as she kicked off her heels, her feet were already killing her..Something made her turn her head, maybe it was just the knowing that he was close cause there he was in the doorway of the lounge.."I have to go" she said quickly getting annoyed..

"ok?" Cris sounded a bit confused..

"i will call you back" she said as John walked over but not after ordering a beer.."You know this place is for hotel vistors only" she barked at him..

He walked over dangling a key.."well good thing i have this then"

Her eyes got wide as she stood up.."unbelievable" she snapped at him, she would definitely have a word with the manager of this place..

"this could be over and done with if you would just hear me out" he said as he closed the distance, she reached down and grabbed her heels in a huff..

"well apparently your losing your hearing in old age, i dont care what you have to say" she turned from him..

He grabbed her arm and she hated that familiar tug she got in her stomach.."we both know there is nothing old about me" his voice was raspy against her ear, she swallowed hard and then yanked her arm back, finding her strength..

"fine lets do this then ok...you wanna do this" she stared at him.."i will warn you my gloves are off" she glared at him..

"fair enough" he gestured for her to sit on the couch, she rolled her eyes at him, he sat down and then she did..

She stared out into the empty room, she wasnt gonna let him toy with her, she was stronger now.."so spit out" she said coldly as she looked at him..

"im sorry for what happened" he said honestly and she rolled her eyes as she sipped her beer.."i was wrong ok" he looked at her..

"and i was right, ok so i am glad we had this conversation" she said quickly as she stood, he stood too..

"i should of told you about Cait" he called out as she began to walk away, she stopped.."i thought i still loved her" he said honestly as he walked up to her, she hated that her feet refused to move from that spot..."i uh... i tried to make things work, i did, to make things right...with her"

Natalie hated that her heart was hurting all over again, why was he making her relive this damn nightmare..

"i couldnt do it as much as i tried i couldnt" he said honestly..

"why are you telling me this, i moved on" she said low but she didnt face him..

"because i havent stopped thinking about you since the day i let you walk away" his voice was riddled with emotion, she couldnt face him..

"its too late" her voice came out as a whisper..

"i dont think it is" his hand went on her shoulder..

She moved quickly making his arm drop.."i am with someone else, Cris to be exact, the artist" she said matter of factly as she kept her back turned...

"and? There is still something between us" he walked up to her again, standing at her side, she turned her head so she wasnt looking at him.."tell me there isnt, tell me and i swear i will walk away and leave you be" he brushed a piece of her hair from her neck, she closed her eyes for a second, too much was at stake here, she had Emma to worry about, her body screamed in protest..

She turned and looked at him, tears in her eyes.."theres nothing left" she said and then she walked away from him..She got to the elevator and pushed the tears back as quick as she could, she was about to lose it, she just needed to get in that damn elevator and away from him, she had too, the doors opened and she stepped inside; as they closed a hand came between them and pushed them back open, John stood there, he stepped inside and looked at her and then his mouth was collasping on hers in a very passionate kiss, she got lost in it for a moment and then pulled back, breathless as she looked at him..

"why did you do that" she said to him as the elevator doors closed..

"because i have been wanting to do that for the last two years" he rasped as his hands went into her hair and he kissed her again, this time pinning her up against the wall as he kissed her urgently, slowly he pulled back, keeping her against the wall...

"you shouldnt of done that" she said as she pushed past him and touched her lips, the elevator door opened and she stepped out..

"i know you felt that natalie" he stepped out as well, she was shell shocked at what just happened..

"I cant do this with you, not again" she said as she stood there, too much was on the line here, she had a daughter to think about..

"How can you say that we barely got a chance last time" he made her face him, she had tears in her eyes..

"i...i moved on" she tried to convince him..

"No i dont believe it" he said as he looked in her eyes..

"well im sorry you dont believe it but its true" she wiped her eyes as she stood there..

"i hurt you, i did and i promised i wouldnt" he went to touch her and she had to back up from him.."Natalie...Natalie i love you" his words made her back up more in shock..

"dont say that ok, dont just throw that out there to ..to" she couldnt even think as she stood there..

"i dont throw that out there, do you know how many women i have said that to in my entire life" he began as she shook her head..

"i dont want to hear this, i just i want you to go" she was starting to cry again...

"One other person and it didnt even compare to what i feel about you" he began walking up to her..." im in love with you" his eyes were filled with emotion, he had waited 2 years to tell her that..

"you dont even know me anymore" she said with tears as he walked up to her and touched the side of her cheek..

"I know that i hurt you, i hate myself for that but dont push me away cause your scared, im putting myself in here 100 percent just tell me what i need to do cause walking away from you again isnt an option, not now, not ever" he had tears in his eyes as he looked at her and when she looked at him she saw Emma..


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

He searched her eyes as she stood there, there was definitely something behind them, he saw it if only for a second, he didnt even imagine the magnitude that he broke her until he really looked at her, he had fucked up and he may of fucked up any chance they had, Fuck, he cursed himself..

"just tell me what you want Natalie, tell me what you want and i swear i will do that" he said honestly as he touched her face again but she didnt move this time, she couldnt, she was swirling in her own emotions, she had dreamed of this for so long and after time she let it pass, but here he was pouring his heart out to her and part of her wanted to just tell him about Emma, she really did but the other unsure part, the part that was too scared couldnt do it, she had to protect Emma even if it meant from her own father...

She backed up now as his hand dropped, she hated thast she felt bad when the look of disappointment washed over his features..She couldnt speak..

"did i ruin any chance we could ever have together" his voice was that of defeat as he looked at her.."after everything i lost you anyway" it was more of a realization he was stating as he stood there, he felt ill, he wanted to run away, he wanted to hit someone.."i will always wish the best for you" he said low as he turned from her and began walking down the hall...

"John wait" her voice surprised her, she wasnt going to say anything, she was just gonna let him go but she called out his name instead, he stopped and turned, for a second he thought he was hearing things but then he saw her, like really saw her and he began walking towards her with determination, she felt her chest begin to thud heavily, it was happening, it was and she had asked for it..

He walked quickly for her, closing the gap almost instantly, he watched her swallow hard as she looked at him, her face softening, he went in for the kill, pulling her against his body as his hand caressed her face and then his lips were descending onto hers in a very slow kiss as his tongue lapped hers..

Her hands moved to his hair, immediately deepening the kiss, she was gone, she wanted this, god how she wanted this, he moved his hands to her ass and he squeezed making her definitely aware of what was growing under his pants, the sound of a door opening immediately got both of their attentions and she quickly grabbed his hand, leading him to her room, she fidgeted with the damn key and then a reassuring click had them moving inside, the door had barely closed before he had grabbed her again kissing her with everything he had, years of pent up passion and lust for her all erupting through that kiss..

Their hands moved quickly and urgently as they kissed, helping to remove each others articles of clothing, the sound of their heavy breathing filled the room as shirts got tossed, shoes got kicked off and finally pants were being yanked from their prospective legs until they were both finally and completely naked, he took a second to admire the woman she had become over the last two years, she was so beautiful..

Her eyes had done the same as she took in his muscular stature, he looked even better than she remembered and she licked her lips in anticipation, he quickly pulled her against him, one hand going to her ass as he lifted her and she gasped in response, he couldnt wait, he entered her deeply as they fell onto the soft bed, his cock embedded in her tight wet body, he growled against her lips as he kissed her hungrily..

He couldnt be slow right now, they needed this, both of them and he thrust into her hard and quick as she panted into his mouth, her hands clawing at his back as her legs wrapped tighter around his waist, he fucked her harder and faster then he had ever done and he was rewarded with the juices flowing from her body, she had to tear her mouth from his and let out a scream as her body rocked through an orgasm, she couldnt ever remember it feeling like this, not ever..

He thrusted into her wildly as his release came almost shattering him in two as he buried his hot seed deep inside her, this was definitely one for the record books..Laying breathless and panting now he leaned up on his arms and looked down at her, the sated look in her eyes tugged at him.."Oh god i fucking love you" he finished as he took her mouth again..

30 minutes later she laid on his chest, something that she never really thought she would do again, neither of them spoke as he ran his fingers lightly up her back, her mind was everywhere but mainly on the fact that she was in bed with him, ans also their daughter the one he didnt even know exsisted, she felt her stomach tighten, yes she definitely wasnt in this alone..

The silence was abruptly cut off by her phone ringing and her heart leapt, shit she was suppose to call Cris, she sat up quickly, looking for her phone, he watched her, she was a bit frantic as she scrambled to her pants and retrieved the small device, he had an incling as to who was on the phone and he couldnt help the surge of jealousy that raced through him as he sat up and ran his hand through his hair as she answered..

"hey" she said a bit nervously, and she watched John get up and move to the bathroom, she moved across the room, almost to the corner..

"hey" he noticed a change in her voice..

"hows she doing" she kept her voice at a minimum as she watched the bathroom intently..

"Emma is fine, are you ok, you sound" he began and she immediately cut him off..

"Im fine just unwinding, getting ready for tomorrow" she said quickly..

"are you nervous" he asked..

"nope" she said calmly..

He laughed some.."You wouldnt tell me if you were"

"not really" she said honestly..

John washed his face in the bathroom, honestly he was just trying to give her privacy but he knew she was talking to him and he also knew he couldnt be mad about that but jealous, he was definitely that, he remembered that guy and he could only imagine how close they had gotten but he blamed himself for that but he was back and he was going to claim her for himself, he just hoped that this guy wasnt going to a problem..

"I was hoping when you get back if we could, well talk" Cris said as he held a small black box in his hand, one that could possibly hold their future inside..

"yeah, sure" she just wanted to get off the phone, the situation was getting uncomfortable, she was still standing naked in the corner of the room as if she was hiding a huge secret and she was, a huge one..

"you now its kind of weird but, i..i sort of miss you" he said a bit nervously and she gulped some.."you dont have to say anything, i just.. i kind of wanted you to know that"

"Oh" she said with wide eyes, Cris deserved some much more than she had to offer him, he had been so patient with her over the last two years, hell he had helped her through something that she honestly thought she would never recover from, he became a father to her daughter, a great father too, one that you could be proud of, she immediately felt that guilt creep back up on her, what was she doing!

"Listen i wont keep you, just know that were waiting for you" he said low..

"I will be home tomorrow" she said softly, she was making this into one huge mess..

She hung up and stared at her phone, she flipped through her pictures and looked at Emma, she touched the small face, the sound of the bathroom door opening made her jump, she quickly put her phone down as John came back out of the bathroom, she began to scramble for her clothes as he walked over, stopping her as he pulled the material from her hand and made her stand to face him, she really didnt want to look at him right..

"you feel bad,...about him" he said honestly, he could tell she was beginning to panic..

"Ive been with him for two years John" she said honestly even though for the majority of the time it was out of necessity with the occassional sex thrown in.."he's a good guy"

"i bet he is" he said honestly..

"he helped me through so much" she said honestly and he brushed a piece of her hair back..

"your grateful, i get it"

"no i dont think you really do" she backed up from him some.."when you let me leave, when i...when you" she couldnt even think straight as that horrible time came rushing back.."i had never felt so alone in my life" she let the truth spill, a truth she had been holding onto..

"im so sorry" was all he could say...

"i just couldnt believe after everything we went through, after everything we said to one another that...that it was all a lie" her eyes began to well...

"But it wasnt a lie, please believe me i meant everything i said to you, i just" he began to pace now.."it just happened so fast, these feelings i got for you, they happened so fast and i told myself after...after Cait" he finally said her name.."that after her i wouldnt get involved with anyone else but then you came along, i found something that i didnt think i would find again" she sat on the bed..

"then why didnt you just tell me about her, tell me about that box, when i saw that, it...it killed me that you still carried that with you" she said as tears rolled down her face, he sat next to her on the bed..

"I couldnt get rid of it, maybe cause i wanted to remind myself how i fucked up, maybe cause i ..i" he hated to hurt her with his words, she looked at him..

"You still cared about her" she answered for him..

"i did, atleast i thought i did" he looked at her.."when you walked out i went right back to her Natalie, right back into a mess, i told myself that this was my chance to do right by her"

"she cheated on you with your bestfriend" she said as she shook her head, trying to understand why he felt the need to prove anything to her..

"because i wasnt there for her, i was consumed with work, i took things for granted, i pushed her away without even knowing it" he said low, he was being honest, too honest, it made guilt creep up on her.."when Connor died i felt like it was my responsibility to help her, take care of her and i tried, i tried for 7 months" Natalie began to remember the phone call she had made around that time, when she was going to tell him about the baby.."but it was all an illusion Natalie, all i could think about was you, all i wanted was you and i fucked up" he put his head down.."I couldnt even find the nerve to call you after i left her, i wanted to but i also knew that if i ever had a chance to be with you again that it would have to be right, no doubts, no lies, no secrets" she swallowed hard as she looked at him and he looked at her.."i knew this trial would be coming and so i waited, i waited for you" he took a deep breath.."i knew it would be risky that you could of moved on, you could of been happy with someone else but i didnt care, i had to try and then i saw you and i knew, i knew that even after all these years and all the pain i caused you, i knew that there was some hope and i wont lose you again Natalie, i cant" he brushed another piece of hair.."do you love him" he asked, she just looked at him, she couldnt answer..

"so much time has passed" she said as she looked away from him.."alot of things have changed" she said honestly..

"but your heart hasnt changed and neither has mine" she looked at him now.. " i swear to god i wont ever hurt you again" he had tears in his eyes, she did too.."stay here with me, take some time off of work and just stay here, give me time to show you"he touched her cheek..

"i cant do that, i have a job, a life" she wanted to say a daughter but she couldnt..

"then i will go to lanview, we can start there, i dont care, i just know that i need you"

The thought of him going to lanview made her stomach jump, and well she stood up.."you cant go to lanview" she said as she didnt face him, her heart was racing..

"if your scared about your family" he stood now too.."I will prove myself to them, hell i will even tell them how i feel if thats what you want"

"you dont understand, you cant come to lanview and i cant come here" she walked from him, her hands over her chest..

"are you worried about him, about Cris" he said as he touched her shoulder, she didnt answer.."we can tell him together"

"no..No" she turned to face him now and he saw something he wasnt expecting, fear in her eyes..

"we can face this together sweetheart, you dont have to do this alone" he touched her face..

"i just i need some time, just some time to sort things out" she said honestly..

"i will give you whatever you want but i cant keep on going without you by my side, tell me what you need" he searched her eyes, she looked away..

"Just a few weeks" she was panicking now, how the hell was she going to do this, she wanted to just scream and tell him now, he would be upset that she was sure of, he had a daughter he didnt even know about and now with him pouring out his soul she felt miserable..

"i cant do that" he said honestly as she looked at him.."i cant be away from you that long"

"a week then i dont know" she felt sick inside, why did he have to be like this now, why did he have to be the good guy..

He grinned as he looked at her.." a week i can definitely do"

"But dont you think were maybe rushing into this full steam, again" she said as she walked past him..

"weve been without each other for two years, there is alot of time to make up" he said as he walked behind her and wrapped his arms around her.."Im going to make it all up to you, but you need to give me a chance" he kissed her neck and she got lost in him..

"ok" she said without fully thinking it through, she did want this, she wanted him so bad, she always had and she felt like she always would..

They had spent the rest of the night making love, it was as if time had stopped for them, like nothing had changed but Natalie knew that was a lie, he was a father, the father to her baby and she could barely sleep as she thought about it, about how it could play out, one dream had him hugging her and Emma, revelling in the fact that he was the daughter to a beautiful baby girl, she could see him holding Emma and cooing at her, thanking Natalie for giving him such a wonderful gift and forgiving her for having to go through this alone, the next dream was awful where he lashed out at her, blamed her for everything, he yelled and called her names, he had even turned Emma against her and she woke abruptly, sweating as she laid there, he was still sound asleep, she slowly crept from the bed and headed in the bathroom, how could she possibly tell him about Emma, she kept on thinking of the best way to tell him the news and then there was Cris, technically they were together and he had been telling her to tell John all along but would he really be that supportive once she did, would she lose him too?

She couldnt think about this anymore right now, her mind was overwhelmed with things, she turned on the water and waited till it ran hot and then she stepped in wanting to wash away all her secrets but they were too deep to go away..She closed her eyes under the water, sighing heavily as she tried to unwind and then she felt it, two hands came up behind her, strong hands, his hands as they cupped her large breasts and his aching cock pressed into her back, he smoothed back the hair by her neck, placing small kisses on it as she relaxed into his touch..

One hand trailed down lower as he kissed her, sliding between her legs as she gasped, his fingers pushing against her wet folds of skin as she leaned her back into him, he moved his hand some and she groaned at the loss of contact and then he was moving her leg up and over his strong thigh as his fingers made their way back between her legs, he slid past her swollen clit, rubbing against it as her head fell back on his chest and she breathed heavy..

"thats it sweetheart, cum" he coaxed her as he rubbed against her, slowly at first and then picking up the pace with her moans, she was in heaven under his touch, she had forgotten how good he was, how he could control her every move..Her legs began to shake and he watched her, he would never get tired of seeing her cum, just when she thought she couldnt take anymore he plunged one finger deep in her core as she throbbed around him, insiting a deep groan from him when he felt how tight she was against his finger..

He continued to kiss her neck, his finger slowly slipping from her depths as he ran the head of his arousal against her ass, she leaned forward giving him a tempting invitation in which he wasnt about to refuse, his hands went to her hips, pulling them up as he plunged deep inside her, their moans echoing throughout the bathroom as he filled her..

He was oh so hard as he slid in and out of her, devestatingly slow, building her up to explode as her hands went to the ceramic tile in the bathroom, holding it for support as he fucked her from behind, his release was coming fast and strong as was hers, his fingers dug into her more and she wince at the bit of pain surrounded by so much pleasure and then he was taking one hand as he pulled her head back, still embedded in her, he rasped in her ear.."Mine..say your mine" he growled at her as he ground his cock inside her, her walls violently pulsating.."Say it" he demanded of her..

"Im yours, im yours oh my god im yours" she cried out as her release combined with his shook her body against him, his legs were literally shaking from the powerful orgasm that rocked his body, he held her tight against his chest as he stayed inside her..

"always mine..always" he whispered in her ear as they let their bodies relax..

They had finished up getting ready for the morning, John had run to get them coffee before the trial began and she took the opportunity to call Cris, Emma had kept him up most of the night and he said it was because he missed her, she wanted to tell him about John, about what had happened, she couldnt, she would wait until she saw him in Lanview and then she would make him understand..

She contemplated telling John today, this morning to be exact, this secret was driving her crazy and the longer she kept it the worst it would be, she had finally gotten up the courage, she would just tell him, she would spit it out and deal with the consequences..

He came back in with the coffee, he had been gone awhile and she felt her stomach tighten as he smiled at her..He would never get over how beautiful she was, her smile it did something to him, he handed her the cup of coffee, she looked nervous, hell he was too..

"it will be ok today"he tried to reassure her about the trial.."he cant hurt you"

"I know its just..."she took a deep breath.."I um.. i have to tell you something" she looked at him, she didnt know how she was gonna do this..

"can i go first" he brushed a piece of her hair back, she was slowly losing her confidence, she just nodded her head yes.."i have something of yours" he reached into his pocket and her eyes got wide, she had never thought she would see it again, the necklace, she looked at it then at him..

"How" she said in awe as she looked at the jewerly in his hand..

"i never got rid of it, i kept it...for you" he said low as he walked behind her and she moved her hair some as he clasped it, she was incredibly touched that he held onto it and fixed it yet again.."it stays on forever now" he kissed her neck as he moved back in front of her, her hands went to it as she touched it, she couldnt help the tears threatening to fall..

"I love you John, i love you" the words slipped from her lips before she could think, his breathing got heavy as he looked at her, he had waited so long to hear her say that, he pulled her against him and claimed her mouth in a searing kiss, his eyes filled with tears, everything would be ok, he just knew it..

By the time they got to the courthouse, well Natalie was a nervous wreck, she had alot of things weighing heavy on her and she just wanted to get back to Lanview and somehow fix everything, John saw how nervous she was and he squeezed her hand gently as they walked in..

They took their seats next to the D.A; Carlo hadnt spared any expense in lawyers and a full team sat next to him as he sat in a neatly pressed suit, smiling smugly as he glanced over at John, Natalie swallowed hard as she looked at him, he looked completely relaxed as if he didnt have a care in the world and the way he looked at her, well it sent chills down her spine..

John was first to be called to the stand and Natalie watched as he spoke about the case and what it had entailed, thankfully he had left out the details of their love making, he then went on to talk about Carlo, glaring and pointing at him as he did so but Carlo wasnt interested in him, he kept his sights on natalie and it made her feel sick, this was a game to him, all a game..

John was becoming more and more agitated as he watched Carlo basically eye fuck natalie from across the room, he was trying to get to her, to scare her and well it seem to be working, it took everything in him not to jump up from his seat and beat the man to a pulp..

John made his way from the stand staring at Carlo who finally did meet his stare, he smiled and shook his head at John as he walked past, John made his seat back to Natalie as she was called to the stand with a final reassuring hand squeeze she headed to the seat, she felt her heart racing, but she could do this, she kept telling herself that she could do this..

She spoke of the case and what entailed that day, she didnt even look at Carlo, she kept her eyes on John the entire time, she honestly didnt have too much to say, it was pretty short and sweet as she spoke, the whole day coming back like a horrible nightmare, the way his boys were to her and then she thought about John and what had ensued with them, a few tears fell but for the wrong reason as she sat there talking..

She was just about to wrap things up when the large doors opened and all heads turned, she felt her heart leap in her chest, it was, well Cris surprisingly, he made his way to a seat and quickly sat down, smiling at her and she felt her pulse race, John had seen him too and they had locked eyes in a sort of stare down, this wasnt lost on Carlo who grinned at them all with a wide eye..Natalie came down from the stand on wobbily legs, her nervous eyes on Cris as she walked back to her seat by the DA, by John, he took her hand under the table with anyone seeing and he squeezed it but he could see the shock in her eyes..She couldnt believe he had came there, why had he came there..


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

Natalie's chest was thudding heavily in her heart as she sat in court, Cris was sitting in a back row and she literally felt like she would throw up, what the hell was he doing there, she couldnt even look at john, she knew he was just as surprised as she was..

When they judge called recess and thanked Natalie and John for their statements they were given the ok to leave, their part was done, for now, Natalie stood quickly and John just gave her a nod, he knew she had to go see Cris, he didnt like it but he knew she had to, she walked past him and made her way over to him as he stood, greeting her..

"before you freak out Emma is ok, she is with your mom" he said quietly and she felt a sense of relief wash over her, the last thing she wanted was for her daughter to be there..

Natalie couldnt talk to him there, she was paranoid as hell, John was speaking to the DA and she used the moment to usher Cris out of the small room..

"You look upset, i didnt want you to be alone" he said with concern..

"Im not upset im just kind of shocked" she said honestly.."you didnt have to come" she began as his eyes darted to the necklace around her neck then at her, she had forgotten she had it on..

"or maybe you just didnt want me to come" he said with disappointment, she didnt know what to say to him, she didnt have anything planned yet.."so just like that you two are back together" he seemed annoyed as he looked at her, and hurt as well.."you told him about Emma?"

"No" she pulled him aside hoping no one would here.."Im not...were not... its not" she began to ramble, she had been hoping for the long car ride to lanview for her to prepare a speech or something..

"i would apppreciate some honesty Natalie, i drove all the way here to support you" he said a bit loud, she pulled him aside some more..

"Cris i... i dont know what to say ok" she said honestly...

"i knew you still cared about him, i just didnt think" his words trailed and she swallowed hard...

"listen its not...i wasnt expecting" she said honestly.."i didnt want to hurt you" she finally said as she looked at him..

" a little too late for that huh" he ran his hand through his hair.."so you made your decision you want to go back to him" he wasnt really asking, more like a statement.."he hurt you and i picked up the pieces" he was getting annoyed now as he paced..."i was there for you through everything"

"Cris can we please just do this somewhere else" she said nervously...

"why somewhere else, i mean hell were already here or... or maybe you havent told him about me, is that it" he had so much hurt in his voice, it killed her..

"No thats not it" she said quickly..

"really i find that hard to believe, your honesty meter has been running low for years" he said dryly...

"he knows about you, about us ok" she said quickly now..

"wow so he is just a stand up guy then, he just moves in for the kill" he said sarcastically...

"It wasnt like that Cris" she said honestly..

"You know i keep on asking myself how many more times am i gonna run to your rescue, you really trust that he wont hurt you again" he said with anger before she could answer John did..

"I promise to never hurt her again" John said as he neared them, he had heard the loud voices from the court room and he wasnt about to sit by and let this guy talk crap to her, he didnt care who he thought he was..

"oh the infamous John McBain atleast this time your not dragging me off of her" Cris said sarcastically and Natalie wanted to run away, this definitely wasnt good having them in the same room.."or maybe you want to threaten me some more since your so good at that"

"cris please" Natalie said nervously..

"No let him speak" John said quickly.."i wanna hear what he has to say cause i have a few things to say myself"

"why dont you start off by giving credit where it is due Agent" Cris said coldly.."I took care of her, i cleaned up YOUR mess"

"I was a different person back then Cris, i made a mistake" John began as Cris laughed..

"Oh so leaving her while she was" he looked at natalie and her eyes got wide as she looked at him, John definitely saw the look on her face.."while she was vulnerable and broken, but now your different?" cris looked back at Natalie and she put her head down..

"I made alot of mistakes, im not proud of them and i know you dont want to hear this but i love her" John looked at Natalie, so did Cris.."ive always loved her"

"and you think i dont, that i didnt..i did everything for her" Cris said as he shook his head..

"cris please can we just not do this" she said with her voice shaking as he looked at her, he touched her face and it took everything in John not to snap his wrist..

"he's gonna hurt you again and maybe i wont be there to pick up the pieces this time" he said softly to her.."do you really trust him that much" he searched her eyes and when she couldnt answer him he dropped his hand and let out a bit of a laugh.."Ok.. i see" he turned from her and John looked at her..

"its fine sweetheart just let it be" John said as he went to take her hand but she looked at him and shook her head..

"Cris wait" she ran up to him, John sighed heavily as he waited for this to end.."please dont do this" she said as she got up to him and he stopped..

"what do you want me to do Natalie, you've made your choice" he said defeated, she had tears in her eyes..

"i just never wanted to hurt you" she said with tears..

"he will hurt you about what about..about" his words lingered but she knew what he wanted to say, he was talking about Emma.."have you even thought about how he would react"

John watched intently, he couldnt make out what they were saying but he was definitely growing impatient while they spoke, it looked serious and he knew she was crying, he had to push past his jealousy, she loved him and only him, she was only grateful to this guy, that was it, he looked at his watch, how much longer?

"I have" she said low, she was terrified to tell John..

"i gotta go" Cris said as he turned for her.."i will pack my things"

"Cris" she said softly..

"ive been a stand in for long enough, just let me go" he said with such sadness in his voice as he turned and looked at her.."i really hope it works out for you" he finished as she stood there watching him leave, what had she done?

The feeling of a hand on her shoulder startled her for a second.."you ok?" he asked softly and she quickly wiped her eyes before she turned to face him..

"yeah" she said low..

"he was gonna find out sooner or later" he said honestly, actually he was a bit relieved that Cris had showed up, one less thing to worry about but he saw something on her face, in her eyes.."is there something else" he couldnt help the feeling nagging at him in his gut..

"no i just, i have to head back to lanview" she said with sadness in her eyes, he was going to hate her, she just knew it..

"What, now?" he didnt want her to leave just yet..

"I have to take care of some things" she said nervously and he definitely felt something, there was definitely something going on..

"Natalie if there is something you need to tell me" he looked in her eyes for an answer..

"i...i um... i just have to go, right now" she just wanted to run away as he looked at her confused..

"your starting to worry me, what did he say to you" he could definitely see a change in her demeanor and he didnt like it, she looked sad, upset, worried..

"nothing" she said quickly maybe too quickly..

"natalie" he gently pulled her aside some as he looked at her.."You can tell me anything you know that right" he suddenly felt very insecure as he stood there, something was bothering her and he had an inclination it wasnt Cris but what the hell could it be.."are you having second thoughts about us?"

"no, not at all thats the only thing i feel sure about" she said honestly..

He felt a sigh of relief.."then what is it, its something, isnt it"

She felt her stomach tighten as she looked at him.."i dont want to do this here" she said as she looked around at the watching eyes around them..

"ok,... come back to my place with me" he took her hand, she didnt want to go there either..

"John i gotta go back to lanview, now" she said a bit more urgently..

"he already knows what is the hurry, why now" he said as he looked at her..

"i just have to go ok, i have things i need to take care of" she thought about Emma as she looked at him, this was going to be incredibly hard to tell him.."Please just understand that, please" she touched his face as she looked at him, he didnt like this one bit, something was bothering her and it was big..She looked scared to death standing there..

"but i dont want you to go yet" he touched her hand and she wanted to cry..

"i will see you in seven days" she forced herself not to cry as she looked at him..

His chest dropped heavily as he stood there, she was going, like really going.."seven days, right?" he looked in her eyes for conformation, she nodded her head as she looked out the doors, Cris was waiting on his car, she looked back at John..

"i will give you a call once i get in lanview" she said as she stood there, John looked outside and saw Cris, he did not like them sharing a car ride home but he sucked it up and put his hands on her face and kissed her softly, then he pulled back..

"I love you" he said inches from her mouth...

"I love you too" she finished as she turned from him and ran outside over to Cris, he looked shocked to see her.."i need to go home" she said softly, he glanced at John who was now standing guard at the court doors, Cris sighed..

"OK, I will get you home" he said as his car pulled up in front of them, Natalie took one last look at John then they left..

The car ride was quiet back to Lanview, neither of them really spoke but honestly what else where they to say, she had made her choice loud and clear to Cris even though she felt horribly bad about it and then there was John, she had seven days to figure out how to tell him about Emma and she honestly had no idea how she was gonna do that..

"what if he wants nothing to do with her" he finally spoke, breaking the hours of silence as she looked at him..."Listen im not trying to be negative here i just dont understand, i guess i never really did"

"we dont have to talk about this" she said low as she looked out the window, she felt uncomfortable as it was and she had a million things on her mind..

"i think we should i mean ive raised her with you for the past 15 months, i... i love her like she is my own, am i suppose to just walk away from her" he said with emotion in his voice, now she looked at him..

"i would never ask you to do that" she said honestly...

"yeah well something tells me that when you both figure out whatever it is your going to, well.. he will have a problem" he said seriously..

"i'll make him understand" she said with doubt in her voice cause honestly she had no idea how this would work if it would work at all once he found out..Cris's eyes got filled with tears and he looked back at the road.."cris" she said with guilt as she went to touch his arm, he jumped slightly..

"just dont, ok...dont" he said with tears as she put her hand back on her lap, she felt horrible and looked back out the window...

John was on edge by the time he got back to work, he couldnt focus on anything, all he kept thinking was that they had a six hour drive ahead of them and he was sure Cris would use those six hours to change her mind and he couldnt allow that to happen, not after everything..

By the time they got home it had been hours before they spoke but as they got out of the car Cris did finally look at her.."let me just say goodnight to her and then i will go to my moms" he didnt wait for her to answer as he made his way into the house, her mom was there with Emma but it was late now and dark, Emma was already fast asleep..

Neither of them said anything to her mother as they thanked her and she went on her way, natalie let Cris go in the room first as she went in the kitchen, she felt sick to her stomach with guilt..

She could hear Cris talking to Emma and she walked towards the door but not where he could see her..

Emma was half asleep as he held her in his arms, rocking her back and forth.."you know i love you Emma, but im gonna have to go sweet angel" his tears were apparent as he kissed her head.."Im gonna miss you, so much...but your gonna be a good girl for your mama" He kissed her again and she began to stir some.."I love you" he said as he put her in the crib and she opened her tiny eyes..

"Dada" she said in the tiniest voice as she held her hands out to him..

"goodbye sweetie" he said as tears streamed down his face, he couldnt even pick her back up again, he quickly spun from the door and came face to face with Natalie, he didnt even try to hide the fact that he had tears coursing down his cheeks..Natalie couldnt even speak as she looked at him..

"Dada up" Emma called out as he looked at Natalie, he couldnt say anything to Natalie, he pushed past her and left in a hurry as tears ran down natalie's face and Emma began to cry, she went to her daughter and picked her up, sobbing with her daughter in her arms..

Natalie felt unbelievably bad as she tried to rock her crying daughter to sleep, Cris was always the one who could do it and now, well now Emma cried and cried, so did Natalie, she hated herself for hurting Cris, he looked devestated, he was devestated..

The sound of the doorbell just as Emma quieted down and fell back asleep in her crib alerted her and she quickly glanced at the baby monitor off to the side, she was still sleeping, she quickly went to the door, expecting to see Cris there but to her surprise it wasnt him at all, her heart began to pound and her eyes got wide..

"John" came out breathless..

"i couldnt wait seven days" was all he said as he stood outside her door staring into her shocked and wide eyes, he immediately grabbed her kissing her passionately and then he pulled back.."your a hard person to find" he smiled some, she couldnt speak, she was speechless and literally frozen in fear as she stood there.."so are you gonna let me in" he smiled as he touched her face but he quickly began to realize that the look on her face wasnt one of shock because he came but of fear, immediately he thought the worst.."or is he still here"

"what are you doing here" she finally spoke, her heart racing dangerously fast, she didnt let him in..

He looked at her confused when she didnt move to invite him in.."your not happy to see me?" he was totally expecting a whole different scenerio to play out and this, well this definitely wasnt one of them..

"you shouldnt be here" she said as she began to panic..

Her panic washed off on him, he had just spent nearly 5 hours driving to see her and now she was behaving like this, it through him for a loop, it was completely unexpected.."natalie what the hell is going on"

She felt like she couldnt breath as she stood there, Emma was in the other room, she didnt want him to find out this way, she had to get him out of there and now.."its a bad time, you have to go" she couldnt help the way she was freaking out..

"like hell i do i just drove five hours here, is he in there, is that it?" he was getting angry now imaging the worst, she looked a little worn for wear, had he caught her in the middle of something? His mind began to go crazy..

"no...its not that" she could hear Emma moving about in the crib and her head spun to look at the monitor which was still hidden from his sight..

"what the hell was that" he had heard a noise, something or someone moving about, he pushed past her and into the house about to kick some ass..

"John wait" she called frantically as he looked around the livingroom quickly, it was dark in there with just a small lamp on..

"i thought you were breaking things off with him" he began to get angry and loud..

"i did John, listen...keep your voice down" she said quickly, her heart was about to explode..

"Like hell i will, where the fuck is he" he yelled and then it happened a small cry that quickly turned into a bigger cry.."what the" he began as natalie pushed past him quickly, Emma was screaming now and she ran to her daughters room, John chased after her, not fully understanding what he had heard but then he skidded to a stop outside a bedroom and stared at natalie as she held a small baby in her arms, she looked at John with wide eyes and he felt his heart crash into his chest as he looked at her.."you have a baby?" he couldnt even get the words out even though he knew the answer, this was her place and she was standing in a nursery with a baby in her arms, a redheaded baby, his back hit the wall in shock as Emma continued to scream...

"its ok sweetie, its ok" Natalie tried to calm down her daughter but it was futile, hell she was being frantic herself..

"Dada, dada!" Emma cried out as John looked at the small child, the realization of what was happening hit him fast and hard like a kick to the gut..

"shhh its ok , its ok" Natalie tried to calm her..

"You had a baby with him" he felt crushed beyond belief as he stood there, every emotion he could think of was washing over him as he watched her, he felt like he couldnt breath...

"John its..its not what it looks like" she said with tears...

"you said nothing, nothing at all" even saying the words hurt him like hell, how could she spend the entire night with him and not once mention she had a child..He couldnt even think as he paced back and forth.."i cant believe this"

"John please let me explain" she pleaded...

"How could you not tell me, how could you forget that detail" he was trying to keep his anger under wraps, the baby was screaming and he couldnt even focus..

"John" she said again as Emma wailed..

"No...no i gotta go, i gotta get out of here" he said as he stood there, he suddenly forgot which way to go, he felt sick like literally sick, she had held this from him and this was huge..

"John just wait ok" she cried out but he was already practically running from there, she ran after him with Emma in her arms.."John wait" she called out but he was already to his car..he couldnt even talk to her right now, he was in shock, truly in shock, she stood by the door as he speed out of her driveway and all Natalie could do was watch as he left..

Tears of an angel

Cover my eyes  
Cover my ears  
Tell me these words are a lie  
It cant be true  
That I'm losing you  
The sun cannot fall from the sky

Can you hear heaven cry  
Tears of an angel  
Tears of aaaaaaaa...  
Tears of an angel  
Tears of an angel.

Stop every clock  
Stars are in shock  
The river will flow to the sea  
I wont let you fly  
I wont say goodbye  
I wont let you slip away from me

Can you hear heaven cry  
Tears of an angel  
Tears of aaaaaaaa...  
Tears of an angel  
Tears of an angel.

So hold on  
Be strong  
Everyday on we'll go  
I'm here, dont you fear

Little one dont let go  
(ooooooooooohhhhhhhhh)  
Dont let go  
(ooooooooooohhhhhhhhh)  
Dont let go  
(ooooooooooohhhhhhhhh)


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

John didnt even know what the hell he was doing as he drove, his mind was swirling, she had a kid but not just that she had one with Cris, the reality of the situation crushed him hard, she had lied to him about it too, for years he had waited for the moment to tell her that he loved her and he was rewarded with a huge slap in the face, he was pissed, upset, sad and just completely confused as he drove, he didnt even know where to go from here, he didnt have a plan B, he didnt have anything..

Natalie watched Emma sleep all night cause she surely wasnt getting any, he was mad, she saw that and hell she hadnt even told him that Emma was his, she hated this mess that she made and she honestly didnt have a clue how to fix it and for all that she knew he was on his way back to AC, but it served her right, this is the kind of shit that happens when you hold information, important information from people..She had dug herself so deep into this hole she honestly didnt know how to get out of it..

The hurt in his eyes, it was unbearable, she had crushed him from the inside out and now she still had to tell him who Emma's real father was, not just him but her entire family, hell the entire town thought it was Cris's. This news affected everyone..

John woke up with his head killing him, his eyes fluttered open and he looked at his surroundings, he was in a motel and for a second he couldnt remember how he had gotten there but the empty bottle strewn about told another story and thats when the images of Natalie and the baby came back, he picked up one of the empty bottles and threw it across the room, he was angry with her, so angry!

Natalie tried to act as if everything was ok the next morning, for Emma's sake she had to plus she had to be at work, she didnt even want to go and honestly if it wasnt for Emma she would of probably laid in bed all day feeling sorry for herself but Emma needed her to be strong, she hadnt asked for any of this..

John hated her that much she did know and after an entire night of thinking of it, well it seemed easier now, this was the bed she made and she would have to lay in it, she had no one to blame but herself..

The sound of a knock at the door made her jump as she drank coffee, she felt anxiety as she began to stand, maybe it was him, maybe it was john.. Emma sat on the floor dancing to the sounds of Barney as Natalie got to the door, took a deep breath and opened it..

"hey" Cris said as he stood there, he didnt look like he had slept at all either..

Natalie swallowed hard.."hey" she moved so he could come in, she didnt know why he was there and honestly she didnt care, he glanced at Emma who for a second didnt see him and then her eyes got wide..

"Dada!" she squealed and tried to run over to him, he leaned down to her and picked her up, hugging and kissing her as she laughed, Natalie felt horrible she had to walk away, she went in the kitchen as Cris talked to the baby..

After a few minutes he came into the kitchen where Natalie was staring aimlessly out the window.."I uh... I always bring her to daycare" he said low and she pushed back the tears..

"yeah you do" she said softly as he stood there..

"did she...did she sleep ok" he had so much sadness in his voice Natalie could barely stand it, she had done that to him, she had hurt so many people..

"no" she shook her head as she thought about what had happened last night, she didnt want to think about it..."did you tell your mom" she closed her eyes as she waited to hear..

"no" he said honestly.."I couldnt, not yet i cant break her heart just yet" he said low and now natalie turned to face..

"I am so sorry Cris" she said with tears..

"yeah me too" he swallowed hard..."did you figure out how your going to tell him" he looked broken as he spoke..

Natalie just began crying as she stood there, unable to say the words right away, Cris wanted nothing more than to grab her and hold onto her but he stood back from her as she wiped her eyes..

"Im sorry i dont mean to cry, its just...it's" she turned her back from him, she didnt want to get hysterical before work, she couldnt afford that she had a job to do.."nevermind" she couldnt even speak the words...

"Im gonna get her ready" he said as he turned from the kitchen, all Natalie could do was nod her head yes as he left the room..She had to pull herself together, that much she did know..

Natalie had gotten to work feeling like shit, thankfully no one there knew her secrets so it was business as usual, she walked to her office and fumbled through files on her desk, her mind kept on going back to him and that look on his face, how was she going to get through telling him, she knew she had to..

The cases seem to be piling up on her desk and she was half tempted to just push them all onto the floor and be done with it, the sound of her cell ringing snapped her quickly back into reality as she reached in her pocket and pulled it out, she stiffened immediately, it was him, John, she contemplated not answering but she knew she had to..

"hello" she said low and then there was silence..She went to speak again but he did..

"why didnt you say anything" his voice was unusually calm as he spoke, mainly cause his head was throbbing violently as he sat there..

"i dont know" she said honestly, she didnt know what to say to him..

"Not good enough Natalie!, why didnt you say anything!" he raised his voice now and she jumped slightly as her heart raced.."how could you not say anything" he lowered his voice some..

"i dont know i was...i was scared" she said as her voice shook..

"Oh well thats great, so when the hell were you going to tell me or were you just planning on lying to me forever!" he yelled again..

"it wasnt like that John" she said as she began to tremble..

"Oh it sure as hell looks that way to me!" he yelled.."i trusted you, i made love to you and all the while you knew, you knew and you didnt say a god damn thing!"

"im sorry i wanted to" her eyes filled up with tears..

"Oh you did , when..huh...i mean you gave that guy the boot, you turned your back on the father of your baby, who the hell are you!" he yelled ..

"Its not what it looks like, i swear...i just..i dont" she couldnt even form words..

"you let me think that everything was ok, that we were ok and you... you have a baby with him" he didnt even like saying the words..

"How was i suppose to tell you, everything happened so fast, was i suppose to just spit it out, i couldnt.. i saw you and i couldnt" she began to cry..

"this is a child Natalie not some kind of thing i wouldnt notice, you should of told me! Sometime before i took you to bed, sometime before i poured my heart out to you but you didnt care about any of that, i dont think you care about anything but yourself!" he yelled bitterly..

"I didnt want to hurt you" she cried out..

"a little to late for that huh.." he said coldly.."i told you everything like a stupid asshole"

"John please dont ok...i wanted to tell you, i did but i couldnt find the words" she cried..

"i wouldnt of even been mad if you would of told me, i would of been upset but i would of gotten over it but this...you lied to me, to my face, you let me think that there was something there between us and that was a lie too" he said low, his eyes filling up..

"I didnt...it wasnt a lie, John...John i love you" she said with tears..

"and i thought i loved you...i...i was wrong" he said with his heart breaking..

"Please just let me explain ok, we can make this better, i know we can" she was hysterical now..

"make it better" he said with a cold laugh.."you have a child with another man! Do you not get that, you couldnt even tell me, you led me to believe" his words trailed off.."i cant even do this with you"

"im sorry" she cried..

"Im sorry i wasted two years waiting for you" he felt defeated..

"you dont mean that, i know you dont" she cried..

"its over Natalie" he said low and then the phone went dead and she cried, the sound of someone knocking on her door made her quickly wipe her face..

"can you just give me a few minutes" she called out as she tried to regain her composure, she literally felt like she was dying inside..

John tossed his phone across the room as he stood there and then he picked up the tiny coffee table and flipped it over!John stayed in his motel room until he couldnt take it anymore, he should just leave this god awful town now but he couldnt as much as he wanted to he couldnt leave, he was so angry at her, he wanted to yell at her, he wanted to break her like she broke him but he knew in the long run it wouldnt change anything, she had a child with another man, she was a mother now and he just couldnt seem to grasp that, he knew he had to get out of thst room before he went stir crazy, he needed to think and so he grabbed his keys and headed out..

Natalie had eventually gotten herself together long enough to partially function for the day, she was feeling incredibly overwhelmed, she knew the one thing that would make her feel better, the only person who could at this point and so she grabbed her keys and took an early lunch..

Natalie swung Emma on the swing, this was her favorite place to go, the park, she was going to use this time to just be with Emma, her daughter squealed with delightment as she pushed her, this is what it was all about, Emma was everything to her..

John was making his way through the park after eating a burger, he needed to collect his thoughts, he knew he shouldnt even be there still, his heart was heavy with grief as he walked, he honestly felt like he was mourning her and then he heard something, a childs laughter and he looked up, there she was, his heart stopped as she looked up from pushing her daughter on the swing..

Natalie froze as she pushed Emma cause there he was, she had assumed he had left for AC already but he was still there, she didnt know what to say or do, she did know she wasnt about to start yelling in front of Emma who was laughing without a care in the world..

John stood there just looking, he couldnt move, he looked at her daughter like really looked at her, she was beautiful just like her mom, Natalie felt nervous as she stood there, she didnt know if he was gonna go off on her again and she couldnt risk it as she took a few steps from a swinging Emma..

"You hate me, i get that but not in front of Emma" she said low as she turned back to her daughter..

"Emma?" he said low but she heard him, looking at her with her daughter did something to him, he didnt want to admit it but it did.."she's beautiful" he said low and now she turned to face him..

"thanks" she swallowed hard as he walked over some and looked at the little girl then Natalie..

"she's big" he said with sadness in his voice..

"Yeah and a handful" she said uncomfortably and he actually smiled a little as he looked at her child.."i thought you left" she finally said low as she pushed Emma..

"i am...going" he said low as he looked at her, watching her made his heart hurt even more...

The way he looked at Emma, the softness in his voice she wanted to scream to him that Emma was his but she couldnt, not like this..

"she has your hair" he said as his eyes began to water, Emma had that same red hair with little locks and those big blue eyes, he couldnt help but smile at her..

"dog, mama dog" Emma squealed as a woman and her dog walked by, she was pointing and bouncing in the swing and Natalie smiled nervously as John stood there..

"you like dogs?" John said to her as he neared the little girl and she smiled big..

"dog...woof" Emma laughed..

"Yeah, dog woof" John repeated as he looked at natalie..

"mama up" Emma said as she tried to get out of the swing and Natalie picked her up and Emma wiggled until Natalie put her down..

"she likes to run around" Natalie said as she put her daughter down and she ran over to the sandbox and jumped in it as Natalie watched..

"she's like a real little person" John said as he watched her daughter..

"she's really smart too" Natalie said nervously..

John looked at her.."yeah she looks smart"

Natalie walked over to Emma as she played in the sand, John slowly walked over, there was buckets in the sand and Emma desperately tried to make a sand castle but to no avail..

"do you want help sweetheart" John said as he knelt down to the small child and she looked up to him with wide curious eyes, he pulled out his water bottle from his pocket and poured some water on the sand as she watched in amazement, he took the wet sand and put it in a tiny bucket and packed it down then flipped it over, he pulled off the bucket and the sand stood and Emma gasped and immediately started clapping..

"again again" she said with excitement as John looked up at natalie and then back at Emma, natalie wanted to cry..

John sat down on the ground by her and filled another bucket as Natalie watched him play with her daughter, his daughter..

He sat and played with Emma for about ten minutes, she was squealing with delight as he made sandcastles after sandcastles, she clapped wildly after each one and then found joy in crushing them as she laughed, he slowly got up and dusted himself off as she crushed the castles while squealing..

"you got sand all over you" Natalie said as she brushed off his shirt some, but his hand went to hers and his fingers rested on hers for a moment as they looked at one another, the sound of someone clearing their throats caught there attention and they immediately dropped their hands as they spun to see Cris standing there..He looked uncomfortable as he looked at them and at Emma..John shoved his hands in his pockets..

"the daycare said you brought her to the park" Cris said to her and then he looked at John.."I didnt think you would have company" he said low..

"Dada!" Emma squealed in delight..

"hey sweetie i see you got yourself all dirty" he knelt down to the small child..

John felt incredibly uncomfortable as he stood there.."so im gonna go" John spun from them as Cris stood there looking at Natalie with a confused look..John stopped for a second and turned, he looked at Cris.."You have a beautiful daughter Cris" he said as he then looked at Natalie, quickly he walked away as Cris looked to her..

"you didnt tell him?" he said with shock..

"I dont want to talk about it Cris" she said seriously as she picked up Emma who began to protest, she wasnt done playing yet, Natalie put her back down..

"Jesus Natalie what the hell are you doing, you said you wanted to be with him, dont you think he has a right to know" he said a bit annoyed..

"its complicated ok" she said honestly..

"believe me i didnt want you to tell him" Cris said honestly.."i love Emma and i always will, she is my daughter in every sense of the word but... but thats his daughter too"

"can you just keep your voice down" she said quietly as she looked around some..

"its not right as much as i hate to admit it, well its not right, i would want to know if it was me" he said as he stared at her..

"im gonna tell him, i was..i umm" she couldnt find the words to say as Cris leaned down and picked up Emma..

"you cant play games with people Natalie" he said a bit coldly..

"im not, thats not what i am doing" she said defensively..

"then tell him" he said as he looked hard at her.."or i will" her eyes got wide as she looked at him..

"You wouldnt do that" she said with shock..

"im not gonna let you hurt someone else with your secrets natalie, i may not like the guy but he doesnt deserve that, no one does" he said coldly..

"this is not your choice to make Cris" she said as she looked at him..

"how could you just stand there and not say anything to him, are you really that cold hearted" he asked with shock..

"Im not cold hearted Cris" she snapped at him..

"You know i offered to help you with Emma because i cared and because i thought you cared as well, i thought you were just too hurt to open to me... my family.. my mom...everyone thinks i am her dad, and i am...and i..i" his voiced trailed as a few tears rolled down his cheeks..

"dada cry?" Emma said with a confused face and he wiped it quick and sucked it up..

"i wont let you lie to anyone else, so you tell him or i do" he spun from her as she stood there.."Im bringing Emma back to the daycare" he said as he walked away from her, leaving her standing there alone, he was right, she had hurt so many people and they didnt even know it yet, she had to make this right and deal with the consequences..

Natalie made her way back to work feeling like crap, this secret was about to blow up in her face, all she could do was try and soften the blow for everyone, she quickly grabbed her phone and dialed...

John sat at rodi's, half a beer in front of him as his mind wandered, he was totally caught up in so many emotions he didnt even know what to do with himself, seeing natalie and Emma, it tugged at him, he hated it but it tugged at his heart, he downed his beer as his phone rang, he didnt even look at it as he answered..

"McBain" he said dryly..

"John its Natalie"she said low.."i need to see you, there's something you need to know" she forced the words out as her heart raced..

He wanted to tell her no, to go to hell but he couldnt..."ok, when" he said low, he didnt know what she was going to say to make this situation better, or hell maybe she was going to make it worse, he didnt know..

"Now..where are you" she asked as her hands trembled, she knew Cris would be getting Emma from daycare and it was either now or never, before she lost her nerve..

"Rodi's" he sighed as he ordered another beer..

"ok i will be there in ten minutes" she said as she hung up, she was gonna do this, she would tell him, tonight..


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter Twenty One

Natalie grabbed her purse and went to her office door, before she could walk out she was interupted by Gigi..

"Hey so i was thinking maybe tonight could be Karoke night, boys against girls, Rex is in , how about you and Cris" she smiled big and Natalie sighed..

"not a good time Gi" she said uncomfortably..

"why not we havent done it in ages, i mean if you need someone to watch Emma im sure your mom would love to, or even Cris's mom" Gigi began to carry on, natalie felt like the bad friend all over again, Gigi had no idea what was going on, that anything was going on..

Natalie walked across the room, she faced the window as she took a deep breath...

"Nat whats wrong, is it the trial, i know you went did it go ok?" she had concern in her voice..

"Its not the trial Gi that was fine, my part is done" she said honestly, she still couldnt face her..

"then what is it, Nat whats going on" Gigi walked in front of her now and Natalie swallowed hard..."nat?"

"he's back" was all she could say as Gigi looked at her confused and then her eyes got wide..

"as in the jerk who broke your heart"

Natalie walked away from her.."it wasnt totally his fault" she began to make excuses..

"oh my god Nat dont tell me that your falling for his shit again" Gigi made Natalie face her.."nat tell me your not" she looked into Natalie's eyes.."No Nat no...you and cris are good, you have a baby together, this guy...Nat he is bad news" Gigi was upset and Natalie couldnt even begin to explain anything to Gigi, mainly cause she had left out the huge detail, Gigi had no idea that Emma was Johns, she like everyone else thought it was Cris's, it was just easier that way..

"gigi i really dont want to do" she looked at her watch.."there is somewhere i need to be"

"are you going to him? Are you? What about Cris" she began to get loud as she looked at natalie..

"what about him huh...i care about him i do but i dont love him Gi, you know that" Natalie said defensively..

"but you love him, right...after everything he did how could you even stand to look at him" Gigi snapped..

"he wasnt the only one in the wrong here" Natalie began and Gigi cut her off..

Laughing sarcastically she said.."Oh please i dont buy that crap i watched what he did to you, he made you feel like shit"

"i know you wont understand Gi but...but he was hurting too" Natalie said low..

"Oh great is that what he is telling you,...im gonna kick his ass" Gigi snapped loudly..

"stop it Gi, ok..just stop" Natalie yelled finally..

"i really cant believe your gonna do this Nat, Cris is a good guy, a damn good guy" Gigi began..

"You dont think i know that, you dont think i feel like shit as it is" Natalie snapped back, the stress and pressure of everything getting to her, she felt like her walls were caving in..

"he hurt you Nat, this is wrong, very very wrong" Gigi held her ground..

"i wasnt asking for your permission" Natalie said low as Gigi looked at her with wide eyes..

"wow... wow Nat" she said with shock and disappointment as she turned from Natalie..

"i cant explain everything to you Gi, i just cant, not right now" she looked at her watch again..

"you know what just forget it, throw away everything for this loser, be my freaking guest" Gigi yelled as she walked out, slamming the door in Natalie's face..

She sighed deep, she might as well get use to it cause alot of people will be feeling the same way soon enough, she moved to the door and left, she had something to tell John..

John used his aggression to throw darts as he drank, he didnt even know why he was waiting for her but he was, he was suppose to be mad but seeing her, god he hated himself that he couldnt find it in himself to hate her..

_Bury all your secrets in my skin  
Come away with innocence and leave me with my sins  
The air around me still feels like a cage  
And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again_

He kept missing his shot as he played, the song in the background was affecting him..

_So if you love me let me go  
And run away before I know  
My heart is just too dark to care  
I can?t destroy what isn?t there_

Deliver me into my fate  
If I?m alone I cannot hate  
I don?t deserve to have you  
Ooh, my smile was taken long ago  
If I can change I hope I never know

Something changed in the air and it made him look at the door and there she was, her eyes locking in on his..She felt nervous as she stepped inside, he was standing by the dartboard and it was like he knew she came in cause he looked right at her, she almost felt frozen as she stood there, she could do this she kept telling herself as she walked over to the bar and ordered a beer, quickly she took a sip, she would need it..

John hated how his torturous eyes stared at her body in amazement, she was dressed simple, like he had seen her earlier at the park, just a pair of black slacks on and a button down shirt, form fitting though and a few buttons undone, he couldnt help but remember what she looks like without all those clothes on, she looked nervous and scared, she had something to tell him, he assumed it was something to do with Cris but then again why should he care, he shouldnt even be in lanview still..

_I still press your letters to my lips  
And cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss  
I couldn?t face a life without your lights  
But all of that was ripped apart when you refused to fight_

So save your breath, I will not care  
I think I made it very clear  
You couldn?t hate enough to love  
Is that supposed to be enough?

I only wish you weren?t my friend  
Then I could hurt you in the end  
I never claimed to be a saint  
Ooh, my own was banished long ago  
It took the death of hope to let you go

Natalie took her beer over by him, the song playing was oddly reflecting of her life and this situation, she took a deep breath as he picked up his beer and took a sip as she neared him..

_So break yourself against my stones  
And spit your pity in my soul  
You never needed any help  
You sold me out to save yourself_

And I won?t listen to your shame  
You ran away, you?re all the same  
Angels lie to keep control  
Ooh, my love was punished long ago  
If you still care don?t ever let me know  
If you still care don?t ever let me know

"hey" she said nervously as she stood there, he kind of just nodded at her, he wasnt sure what to say, he didnt trust his mouth to speak..."i didnt know you played darts" she said as she tried to find a way to say, just say it damn it , she kept thinking to herself..

"i havent played in awhile" he said honestly as he pulled the darts from the board and he looked at her.."do you play" he couldnt believe he was making small talk, he was suppose to hate her!

"sometimes" she smiled softly as her body screamed at her, he looked absolutely delicious, he had changed, she noticed, he wore faded jeans and a white tank top that hugged his very muscular frame, he looked wonderful..

"so um" he ran his hand nervously through his hair.."Im gonna head back tonight" he was totally lying, he knew it but he couldnt help it..

"Oh" she swallowed hard as her mind screamed to her, tell him damn it!

"well atleast AC is nice this time of year" she said nervously, she hated that she couldnt even say the damn words she wanted to.."Um so i um...i wanted to say" her voice shook as she looked at him..

"just before you say whatever it is your gonna say, can i say something" he cut her off and she took a deep breath..

"its kind of important" she swallowed hard..

"so is what i have to say" he said as he stood there, he honestly didnt even want to hear that she was moving on with Cris after all, cause thats what he assumed she was going to say, he was already going back to AC broken there was no need to pour salt on the wound..

"Ok, you first" she finally said as she sipped her beer nervously..

"wow this really sucks right now" he said honestly as he ran his hand through his hair and quickly finished his beer.."Im usually pretty good with words" he began..

She took a deep breath.."maybe you should just let me go first" she was losing her nerve and quick, her heart was pounding dangerously fast in her chest..

"damn it natalie can you just let me talk" he said a bit loud as he shook his head.."You never let me finish"

"Ok" she held her breath as she looked at him..

"natalie I" he began as his phone went off and he huffed..."youve got to be kidding me" he sighed with frustration as he saw it was his boss from AC calling..

"you should probably just answer that" she said quickly..

He sighed and answered.."Mcbain" he turned from her as he spoke.."what? How?" she heard anxiety fill in his voice.."and what are they doing about it" he began to yell.."No! No i cant believe this" he yelled again as he began to pace, now she began to worry as she looked at him..And then she saw it, his face turned pale and he looked at her.."are you sure" he was breathing heavy as he looked at her.."im heading there now" he said as he hung up and she was almost to scared to ask what had happened, but she didnt have to, he did.."carlo broke out of custody" her eyes got wide..

"what? How, how is that possible!" she said with shock as her blood ran cold..

"They were transporting him, he set up an ambush, i dont know...that doesnt matter" he seemed frantic, and he was...

"what do you mean that doesnt matter, where the hell is he" she began to tremble slightly..

"i dont know but i know where he is headed" he swallowed hard as he looked at her, she saw it in his eyes and she felt like she couldnt breath..

"you dont think he is coming here, do you" she had fear in her voice, he was coming for her, she thought about Emma and she began to freak out.."i gotta get Emma, i gotta get her and get out of here" she said frantically as he grabbed her arms gently..

"just relax ok, he wont hurt you" he began and she laughed sarcastically..

"he is on the loose, he's gonna kill me, i saw the way he looked at me in the courthouse, oh my god" she covered her mouth as she stood there, in shock..

"Listen to me, take Emma and go to your parents, they have alot of security there" he said as calmly as he could..

"ok ok...but what if" she began as he held her arms and stared her straight in the face..

"i wont let him hurt you, i promise you that" his eyes held truth and the he pulled her against him and hugged her tight.."now go,...get Emma and go to your parents, im going to see your Uncle" he said as he pulled back, she was crying now.."You need to keep it together ok" all she could do was nod her head, his heart was pounding heavily in his chest, he leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips.."go...Now" he said a bit more urgently and she took off running out of Rodi's, John immediately grabbed his phone and began to dial her Uncles number, the sound of his boss's voice in his head taunted him..

"thats not all John, when they searched his cell they found something, a picture of Officer Buchanan, she had a little baby in her arms, it was a newspaper article or something but there was a heart around the baby's head"

John felt sick at the idea as he waited for Bo to answer his damn phone, he was already running out to his car as he did so..

Natalie had broke every law of the road as she drove frantically to her house, she couldnt believe this was happening, Carlo was on the loose and the idea frightened her more than she would care to admit, she still had nightmares about him even after all this time, she pulled behind cris's car which was in the driveway, she knew she would look like a mad woman to him but she didnt care, she needed to feel safe, at her parents she would be..

As soon as she stepped inside her breath got caught in her throat, furniture was thrown about, glass broken, she was sure her heart stopped beating for a second as she stood there..

"CRIS!" she yelled.."EMMA!" she ran frantically, stopping at Emma's room which the door was partially open, she pushed on it and it stopped, she looked down and saw why as Cris laid covered in blood, gasping for life.."Oh my god Cris" she dropped to her knees and looked at him, he was dying, she quickly jumped up and saw the empty crib.."Oh my god, Cris where's Emma" she dropped to him again as he faded in and out..

His voice was muffled and he spit out blood as he lay there, he was whispering something, and now she was crying..

"Oh my god Cris please tell me, where is Emma" she said frantically as she leaned down..

"They got her" he managed to say as her heart crashed into her chest.."I tried...i tried to stop them" his words came out with heavy breaths, he had numerous stab wounds to his chest and she began to cry hysterically..

"Oh my god!' she cried out as she grabbed her phone with shaky hands, dialing it as blood smeared her phone, she saw it all over herself, she was hysterical as he answered..

John saw her calling as he sped to the Lanview Police Department, he answered quickly, waiting to feel relieved that they got to her parents house ok but instead he heard frantic and hysterical crying.."natalie! Natalie where are you" he skidded his car to a stop, she couldnt even talk as she cried.."are you at home" his heart was racing as he waited for her to answer, she was absolutely freaking out..

"yes yes...please...she's...she's gone" she finally managed the words from her hysterical mouth, he thought he had heard her wrong, he quickly did a u turn and sped to her house..Cris's hand touching her arm made her jump as she sat there next to him crying uncontrollably..

"Im sorry" Cris mumbled as his grip got weaker and weaker, tears staining his face.."i tried" he said as his hand dropped from her and she looked at him..

"cris,...no...Cris...oh my god cris" she tried to apply pressure to his wounds, but there was so many of them, he was literally in a pool of his own blood, she tried to feel a pulse and nothing, his eyes looked to the ceiling but there was emptiness behind them, she finally screamed out in the room, the echo's going through the house and outside..

John had never been so scared in his life as he pulled up to her house, the front door was open and he grabbed his gun and ran to the door, looking inside he could see the place had been trashed, he carefully manuevered his way through with his gun out, he could hear sobs coming from a room and he followed the sound, thats when he saw her, on the ground with Cris, blood was everywhere, she jumped when she heard the door open..

"hey hey its ok, just me" John tried to reassure her as he looked down at Cris then at Natalie, he quickly leaned down to feel a pulse as Natalie cried and cried..Cris was dead.."natalie where's Emma?" he asked as his heart raced...

She grabbed onto John and broke down against his chest, hysterical and frantic.."i dont know, they got her...he said they got her" she repeated Cris's words as she panicked, John immediately dialed 911.

Natalie had to be sedated by the time the ambulance got there, she was completely flipping out and hyperventilating, even trying to fight John so she could leave to find Emma, her house was completely taped off and only the pool of blood remained as John stood in the doorway of the nursery, he was in complete cop mode, he had to be, her uncle was there as well..

Forensics had come and were sweeping the place for prints, all they had to go by was Natalie's ramblings but they hadnt made sense but they all knew what had happened, this was the work of Carlo and he was definitely hell bent on making Natalie and John pay, he couldnt even think of her daughter with that mad man, it made him sick, just as sick as he felt looking down at Cris's blood on the nursery floor..

"we have all of our available officers on the look out" Bo said as he neared John but he didnt look up at him.."one of the neighbors said she saw a black sports car earlier" Bo tried to remain calm but he was having a hard time doing so..

"bo cut the bullshit we both know who did this" John snapped at him.."he has Emma and i dont even want to think about" John trailed off as he stared back at the floor..

"were thinking positive here Agent, Carlo is a sick man but not that sick" Bo was almost trying to reassure himself..

"he had his men grabbed a defenseless baby" john barked loudly..He would find carlo and tear him apart with his bare hands! He stormed past Bo, he was angry.."Im going to see natalie" he said as he walked outside, he had to see her, he had to see if she was ok..

Natalie felt like she was in a fog as her family and doctors came into the room, she didnt know what happened but she couldnt move, she felt drugged and all she could do was lay there and stare at the ceiling, she felt like she was trapped in a dream or better yet a nightmare, she could hear people talking and their passing bodies but she couldnt grasp anything else..

John got to the hospital in a hurry, he was worried about her, she was given a heavy sedative and the way she looked at him when they stuck the needle in her arm killed him, she looked scared to death but she needed it, she was literally losing it and was becoming a danger to herself and possibly others..

He saw her brother and Gigi standing outside the hospital room and he neared them, Gigi's eyes got wide as she rushed over to him,she looked pissed.."YOU.. you did this!" she struck him with her fists and he stumbled back not expecting the attack as Rex grabbed Gigi and pulled her back trying to calm her..

"babe its not worth it" Rex said as he held Gigi against him..

"He is dead cause of you and Emma is missing, you should of never came here, NEVER!" Gigi cried as she yelled..

Rex ushered Gigi away as John stood there, guilt washing over him, had he done this by coming to Lanview, if he had stayed in AC could he have stopped this from happening? He ran his hand through his hair as her parents came out of the room, looking surprised as they saw him..

"agent i didnt know you were in town" Clint said quickly, it was apparent that her mother had been crying, she excused herself quickly to get a cup of coffee.

"I just want you to know Sir that we are following every lead we can, we will find him" he said seriously..

"we just want our grandbaby back safe and sound, with Cris gone" his words trailed off as sadness overcame him..

"Im sorry for your loss" John said honestly, he didnt want it to come down to this, Cris had died trying to save Emma, it affected him more than he would ever admit..

Clint nodded at him and then went to find his wife as John stood outside the door and then he slowly went in, she was laying in the bed, the sorriest sight he had ever seen, she was out of it..

He made his way over to her and brushed a piece of her hair out of her face.."im so sorry Natalie" guilt consumed him as he stroked her hair and her eyes began to open..

"John" came out as a whisper as she looked at him through tiny slits..

"yeah its me" he said softly as he looked at her..

"you gotta...you gotta find your...your daughter" she said just above a whisper as her eyes fought to stay open..

John felt incredibly bad, she apparently thought he was Cris even though she had said John, he brushed her hair back some more.."were gonna find her Natalie, i promise" he said softly..

"she...she needs you...she ..she needs her ...daddy" she said breathless as her eyes closed and he swallowed hard, she definitely was delusional, he kissed her forehead..

"Im gonna bring her back to you, i promise" he said as he looked at her and she fell back asleep..

It was about two hours until she finally began to come around and face reality, all she knew is that she hurt, physically, mentally, emotionally, she moved some in the bed and she heard a noise from across the room and she tried to focus on the person walking towards her, she finally did..

"John?" she said with confusion as she looked at him, her body tensed as she shot up in the bed.."Emma where is Emma" she said frantically as john put his hand on her arm..

"were looking for her" he said softly..

"But your here, how can you be looking for her when your here" she began to panic again..

"natalie you need to calm down, if you dont they will drug you again, please..i need you to be strong" his words hit her in the gut..

"But john, she is out there...my baby is out there" she began to sob and he pulled her against him..

"I know and were gonna find her, we will" he didnt even know if he entirely believed that but he was gonna die trying that much he did know..

"and Cris..he didnt...he didnt make it did he" she already knew the answer to that and his look confirmed that..

"im sorry Natalie" he felt horrible for her..

"he didnt deserve that, he didnt" she cried and John went to hold her again.."No" she pushed him back and he looked at her surprised, shocked really.."you wont even want to touch me after i tell you this" she said seriously..

"natalie i dont know what your talking about" he said with confusion as she wiped her eyes but she kept crying..

"thats your daughter out there, she's yours John" she finally blurted it out with tears as he looked at her, he didnt think he understood her..

"Natalie listen they gave you some pretty heavy drugs" he began and she shook her head..

"i know what i am saying damn it... John she is yours, emma is yours!" she cried out now as he looked at her, his heart beginning to race..

"no...natalie she is yours and Cris's" he said with confusion..

"Oh god why do you have to make this so hard" she cried, he really didnt understand what she was saying, she looked at him.."emma is yours, not cris's.. i was pregnant with your baby" she cried as he still looked at her confused..

"no...how..there's no way natalie" he said in shock, he couldnt comprehend this..

"I lied to you about a lot of things, she is yours i can assure you that much" she covered her face and he felt his chest get heavy as her words went through him.."im a horrible person, i wanted to tell you so bad and i almost did but i called and Cait answered,...i...i freaked out, hung up...i couldnt" she cried with her face covered, he got up now, running his hand through his hair..

"No... she cant be...i mean i saw her.. i did...and she" his words trailed off as natalie finally looked at him, the realization that was in her eyes almost made him fall down as he looked at her..

"im so sorry"she said with tears...

He walked to the window and stared out, he felt like he was going to pass out.."She's mine?" he needed to say it outloud.."thats my daughter?" he looked at her with tears in his eyes, all Natalie could do was nod yes as she looked at him, she knew it was coming, he was going to rip her apart, she could see it.."But Cris" he began but then stopped..

"he knew she was yours, he was the only one that knew" she spilled it all as she looked at him, she was crying.."i found out when you left, i wasnt even going to keep her..and now..now she's gone" she began to cry hysterically..

John walked up to her fast, tears in his eyes.."You need to tell me right now that your not lying!" he raised his voice some..

"Im not lying...she's...she's yours" she cried..


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty Two

John couldnt even grasp reality for a second as he looked at her, She's yours, her words echoed in his head, he suddenly felt dizzy, very dizzy, he held onto a nearby chair and had to breath deep otherwise he was sure he wouldnt pass out..

"i was going to tell you...tonight" she said with tears as he looked at her, remembering she said she had something to tell him but he had cut her off, she had said it was important..He finally stood up straight and walked across the room, letting it all register in his head.."you can hate me all you want but we have to get her, Carlo...what he could do" she was frantic as he looked at her, he was about to say something when his phone went off, for a second he fumbled with shaky hands as he grabbed it out of his pocket..

"Mcbain" he said nearly out of breath..

"Hello Agent its been too too long" the icy voice chilled him to the bone as he stood there,natalie saw his expression, she knew who was on the phone and she felt it..

"where is my daughter you son of a bitch!" Natalie yelled not caring at this point..

"awww is that my sweet Red, please do put her on" Carlo grinned..

"where the fuck is she , you wont get away with this Carlo, i will personally tear you apart" John said through gritted teeth..

"tisk tisk John, i wouldnt be so rude especially considering i have something of your ...well what exactlly is she to you" he grinned and John was growing tired of this..

"what do you want" John barked at him...

"John please, i need her back" Natalie began to cry as she watched him pace on the phone..

"Only what i am entitled to Agent"Carlo laughed..

"if you hurt her in any way" John felt his blood boiling dangerously high..

"wow im hurt, this is a child you know, im not a monster" Carlo smiled.."but back to what i want, what is mine"

"absolutely not she isnt going anywhere near you" John yelled as he looked at Natalie..

"your very smart Agent but sadly i dont think you understand the magnitude of this situation and frankly i am done talking with you put her on the phone" Carlo began to raise his voice...

Natalie could see John looking at her, she knew what that meant, she didnt care, she reached for the phone.."give it to me John" she ordered him...

"he's just trying to play games" John yelled..

"i dont care he has my daughter" she yelled with tears..

"you should listen to the girl agent" Carlo added with a small laugh..

John huffed angrily as he shoved the phone at her, he had to walk across the room, his mind was going crazy, Emma was out there, his daughter was in the hands of a sick sadistic fuck, he had never felt so helpless in his life!

"where is she" natallie tried to sound strong as she spoke..

"Oh little one how i have missed you" Carlo grinned..

"why are you doing this, she is just a helpless baby" she began to breakdown..

"i agree completely thats why i know you will do everything in your power to see her again and without the agent knowing, isnt that right?"

"what do you want" the tears streamed down her face..

"You i want you of course but before you react and clue the agent in i may remind you that i do have something you want, would you like to say hello to your sweet Emma?" her blood ran cold as she heard her daughter making sounds, it pierced her heart and she began to cry more.."such a sweet little girl just like her mother"

"If you even lay one finger on her!" she began to yell..

"yelling at me wont help you little one" he said calmly.."but if you want to see your daughter again then you will do as i say and you wont tell a soul, see when your as powerful as me, well lets just say that people are easy to open up, maybe even your trusted law enforcement buddies" her spine stiffened at his words.."you do understand what i am saying, dont you"

"Yes" she felt sick, she could still hear Emma in the background..

"good girl, now you will head to the docks, a car will be awaiting there and soon you will be reunited with your little girl but" he took a breath as John looked at her, not knowing what they were saying but she looked scared to death.."but if i even feel like the agent is near by well...i would hate to imagine the poor misery your daughter would go through" she literally felt like she would vomit..

John had had enough and he ran over to her, yanking the phone from her pale skin.."you think your slick huh...tell me where she is or i will take down everyone of your men until i get to you" John barked at him..

"so protective agent, maybe your fake life has rubbed off on you" Carlo laughed and then stopped.."i want a million unmarked bills to be delivered by 9pm tonight at your club, you do remember where that is dont you"

"I want the kid in exchange or deals off, i will kill everyone and that isnt a threat" John snapped at him, his fists clutching the phone hard..

"9pm dont be late and dont bring your cop buddies" the phone went dead as Natalie began to cry some more, John looked at her..

"he wants money in exchange" he said quickly but she knew that wasnt all of it but she couldnt tell him that, she felt sick, she would do whatever Carlo asked of her to make sure her daughter was safe..

"My parents will have it" she said with tears..

"its too easy, even for him...what did he say to you" he looked at her and she looked away.."Natalie what did he say?"

"he said he would kill her if he didnt get the money" she lied as tears went down her face and John ran a hand through his hair..

"the man has more money than anyone, a million dollars is chump change" John began to ramble..

"its a game to him, dont you see that, its about control and power" she began to yell with a shaky voice.."we will give him what he wants" she now got up from the bed on wobbily feet, he came over as she almost fell..

"you need to take it easy" he said softly to her..

"Like hell i do, my daughter is with him..i...i heard her" she tried to remain strong but she was failing miserably..

"our daughter" John said low as he looked at her.."i will bring her home" he turned from her and took a deep breath..

"i never wanted to hold this from you John" she said with tears..

"yeah well you did" he snapped a bit angrily, she had expected that but then he looked at her.."i should of never let you go that day, i caused this, there is no one to blame but me" he said as guilt washed over him, he had put her in this situation and he hated himself for it..

Natalie was a bit surprised by his declaration, she wasnt expecting that.."Your not...not mad?" she said with tears..

"I missed out on over a year of my daughters life, i am mad, im pissed" he began as his emotions ran over him.."at myself for you having to go through all of this on your own, i should of been there"

"but you didnt know she exsisted, you cant put that on yourself" she said honestly..

"like hell i cant, i let you walk away all for a stupid mistake and and i missed out on her, on you..i wont miss anymore time" he said angrily as she looked at him with tears..he finally walked up to her..."i will make this up to you and to her, that i do promise" he said as he looked at her and she threw her arms around his neck, she hadnt expected this reaction from him, she held him tight..

"You already have John, you already have" she cried against him as he held her..

Natalie had been discharged from the hospital as they headed down to the station where her father spoke with Bo, John had filled them in on the phone call and the demand for ransom, Natalie was beside herself with grief, she had lost Cris, Emma and now John knew about his daughter, he had handled it very well considering..

"im gonna have survalliance put nearby" Bo began as they all paced the small office..No one knew of the secret yet, no one knew john was the father, natalie was almost nervous that he was going to spill it and now definitely wasnt a good time..

"Listen we cant piss him off, if i have back up he will know, im going alone" John began to say..

"No.. absolutely not" Bo barked as natalie felt her stomach turn, she knew what carlo was doing,he was trying to get john off is tail so natalie could meet him, she felt ill as she stood with her hands crossed over her chest, staring out the window..

"Emma is out there, she is helpless and defenseless, i wont let him disappear with her" John barked angrily..

"with all due respect agent i appreciate what you are asking of me but" Bo began as John looked at him..

"all i am asking for is the money"he said seriously..

"i cant send my men out on their own" Bo said loud..

"well its a good thing i am not one of them" John said honestly.."Listen we need to get him and we need to do it now, the longer we wait the more she is in danger" John felt his emotions creeping up again..

The sound of a frantic and crying woman snapped all their heads around as Carlotta, Cris's mother came rushing into the police station, Natalie's heart dropped as she stopped and looked at Natalie and then ran to her , putting her arms around her tight as she sobbed about Cris dying and Emma being gone, and how Emma wouldnt know her daddy..

Natalie looked at John as she hugged Carlotta, she was filled with guilt over this mourning woman..She pulled back and looked at John, her face covered in tears as she said.."Please agent get my grandbaby back... please dont let Cris's death be in vain" she pleaded to him and he looked at natalie then back at her..

"i will do everything in my power to get your granddaughter back" he said as he stared at natalie and then he turned from her..

"Oh natalie... oh my boy" Carlotta cried again as she hugged Natalie..

Once Carlotta left Natalie had made her way into her office as Bo and John continued to discuss details of what would go down, Natalie was sick with worry as she stared out her window, thinking of Emma and how scared she was, it tore her apart, she was suppose to protect her daughter from everything and she had failed but she wouldnt fail her again, she would go to Carlo and she would get her daughter at any or all costs..

John walked to her office, she was standing at the window staring out, he just watched her for a second before making his presence known, she turned and faced him...

"i am so sorry about carlotta" she said as the guilt tore her up..

"thats not a concern right now, what is..is getting Emma back" he had to swallow his emotion and pride, he wasnt about to go around yelling he was Emma's father to a bunch of people grieving over Cris, he couldnt do it..

"she's probaby really scared right now" she said with tears as he walked up to her, he smoothed back her hair as he looked at her..

"Not for long, i will kill him if i have to" she knew his words held truth and she looked away knowing that this could be the last time he saw her and his daughter..He saw a look in her eye, it disturbed him.."is there something you need to tell me?" he asked with concern, he felt like something else was going on, she seemed distant and even with everything that was currently taken place he couldnt help but feel like something was wrong..

"im fine" she wiped her tears as she turned from him.."i just want her back"

"Cris was a stand up guy natalie, i see that now" he finally said as she looked at him.."He took care of you both when i didnt.." he swallowed hard.."for that i am forever grateful" he said honestly..

"he would of done anything for her...even..." her words trailed as tears streamed down her face, he walked closer to her and put his arms around her tight.."i never thanked him for putting up with me" she said with regretful tears..

"he loved you Natalie, he loved you and Emma both" he said low and she pulled back and looked at him..

"he didnt deserve this, i was so selfish, i turned my back on him" she said with tears.."i ..i hurt him so bad"

"you did what you thought was right and i dont regret a minute we spent together, not one" he said honestly as he pushed a piece of her hair back..

"why are you being so nice to me, i... i lied to you" she said with tears...

"when i saw you with Emma i was so mad..but not because you had a child but because it wasnt mine" he said honestly as his eyes filled up with tears.."for two years i have been wanting to make things right with you, with us.. cause im shit without you Natalie" a few tears dropped from his eyes, hers as well.."you make me want to be a better man, a better person and i...i have a daughter" he quickly wiped his face and stepped back, he wasnt use to feeling this way, he felt embarassed.."I love her natalie and i love you, and im gonna bring our little girl home" he said seriously as he walked out of her office..

John had to collect himself, he wasnt going to do anyone any good by sitting around crying like a wuss, he put water over his face and took a deep breath, Carlo wouldnt win this time, he was gonna end this once and for all.. He made his way out of the bathroom and back towards her office but she wasnt here, he made his way to her uncles room..

"where's natalie?" he asked as Bo finished up with one of his undercover detectives..

He looked at John confused.."In her office, or maybe getting coffee" John quickly left the small room and headed over to the break room, she wasnt there, he ran a hand through his hair and walked over to the bathrooms, nothing..He quickly dialed her phone it went straight to voicemail..

"damn it Natalie where are you" he said outloud as he walked back over to her uncles office.."she's gone" he said quickly as Bo looked up..

"what do you mean she is gone, she was just here"Bo began and John began to remember how weird she was behaving, his heart began to pound..

"she's going after him, she's going after Carlo" John said as he left the office..

"John wait" Bo called out but it was too late, John was already running to his car, he would catch up with her before she did something rash...

Natalie drove like a bandit, she knew John would know she was gone and he would come looking for her, she couldnt risk that, Carlo had called her cell phone right after John had left the room, there had been a change in plans, he wanted her now, right now and she didnt hestiate, she pulled up to the docks, it was nearly 6 pm and the sun was beginning to set, she felt sick, nervous, scared, she needed to see Emma, she got out of her car and looked around, nothing..

She stepped from the side of her car, someone was suppose to be there but it was quiet, almost too quiet, a sound from behind her made her jump and before she could make a sound she felt a hand come over her mouth, it had a cloth on it and she struggled for a minute, her cell phone fell to the ground as it began randomly dialing a number and then her body went limp.

John was driving like a madman towards her house, that was the first place he would look but his phone began ringing and he saw her name and he felt an instant sigh of relief.."Jesus Natalie where did you go, i was looking all over.." his voice began to trail as he heard russtling in the background.."natalie?" he said again as more noise was heard, voices, male voices..

"damn it Roy i told you to be easy about it"

"yeah well i thought she saw me, dont worry she is fine, sleeping like a baby"

"well whatever, come on...get her on the boat"

"oh crap her phone"

John froze as he listened to the men talk, they had her, they had Natalie..

"Just toss the damn thing in the water and help me damn it!" one voice yelled as the line went dead, John screeched to a halt and headed out to the docks in a hurry, he saw red, he would kill those men first then Carlo..


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter Twenty Three

John never remembered being this scared in his life, even after all the undercover jobs he had done, the time he spent in the military, even his time in Iraq didnt compare to what he felt as he drove now. The emotions coursing through him went from anger to upset, to utter rage..

Merely a few hours ago he was told he had a daughter, one that he hadnt even got to spend time with yet and now she was gone along with natalie, and the most sadistic fuck of them all had both of his loves, he was beside himself as he flew through town towards the docks, it seem to take forever even when he was gunning it down the road..

He felt as though he was having a life afirming moment, one where everything and everyone he loved could be gone in a heart beat and that didnt settle well with him at all, he would get Natalie and his daughter back or he would die trying..

The sight of her car made his stomach drop, he knew they already had her but seeing it there as he pulled up made him feel sick all over again, he ran to it looking around, the sun was now set and he ran to the edge of the dock and looked out, off in the distance he could see something, a boat, the same one him and Natalie had been on before with Carlo, he contemplated calling Bo and letting him get his men ready but to be honest he didnt trust the police department to do their jobs, just one tiny fuck up could cost Natalie and Emma their lives and he couldnt chance it, instead he went in search of a boat..

Natalie awoke with a gasp as she desperately tried to catch her breath, she shot up from the bed she was tossed in and she looked around, she felt panicked, where the hell was she, she coughed some more and ran to a small window and looked out, fear over came her as she saw water, alot of water, she was on a boat going to god knows where..

She could hear voices down the hall and she quickly moved back to the bed, she was literally shaking with fear as the voices neared her door, she heard laughing, but not just any laugh, his laugh, Carlo..

He was congratulating his men and thanking them as he opened the door, his big black eyes looking at her as a huge smile crossed his lips..

"Your awake,...wonderful" he said as he closed the door and neared her..

"where's my daughter" she said almost frantically as he came closer..

"why are you so impatient little one" he grinned..

"I kept up my end of the deal, where is she" she began to yell but it was quickly stopped by the back of his hand as it slammed against her cheek, sending her flying back on the bed, she tasted blood, her lip was definitely split..

"You will never talk to me in such a tone, do you understand" his words were serious, his face dark as he leaned down to her.."do you" he asked again..

"Yes" she whispered but was rewarded with his hand coming to the back of her hair as he violently yanked her face inches from his..

"Yes what" he barked at her, she had to rack her mind for a moment, the stinging of her scalp was intense..

"Yes Sir" she finally managed to say and he loosened the grip on her hair but he still held her face close to his..

"Now thats a good girl" he smiled and then his lips crashed into hers and his tongue forced entry into her mouth, she honestly thought she would vomit into his, she kept thinking of Emma, she had to get to Emma, she could do this, Emma was all that mattered but she was revolted by him as he kissed her roughly, she didnt kiss him back but it didnt stop him, but then he was pulling back, a satisfied grin on his face as he looked at her.."would you like to see our daughter?" his words were like venom to her, how he said _our daughter _ made her sick, she could see where this was going, all she could do was nod through tears but he yanked her head back hard and she cried out.."You respect me, dont make me hurt you on your first night" he demanded her..

"Yes...Sir" she gasped as he let go of her hair and stood from her, he looked amused as he paced in front of the bed..

"ive waited a long time for this moment little one" he began to talk and pace with his hands behind his back.."at first i thought i would just kill you and mail your body parts one by one to the Agent" he spoke calmly as he looked at her.."but then i got the most glorious news" he stopped and stared at her.."now i am a sentimental guy, i could never kill a mother, oh no that would be cruel even for me" he smiled big but she felt her stomach turn as she looked at him.."I began to ponder things, i had alot of time to do so" he flashed a smile at her and then took a seat next to her.."i began thinking what would be even better than killing you" he put his arm around her as she trembled, he brushed a piece of hair from her face.."how about raising a family with you, oh Emma is wonderful, very smart for her age" his words made tears pierce her eyes.."Oh little one dont cry, i havent gotten to the best part"

"Please...Please just let me see her" she began to cry softly as the worst inages crossed her mind..

"in time, in time.." he ran his fingers over her tears and then licked them off his finger and groaned some.."You are going to give me what i always wanted, the perfect submissive, one that no amount of money could buy, i would be the talk of the town" he caressed her face and she began to cry more.."I hope those are tears of happiness?"

"Yes...sir" she cried as her gut turned and wrenched..

"of course they are cause as long as you do what i say then your life will be wonderful, way more than the agent could ever give you" he brushed her hair back some.."emma is young now but soon, soon you will teach her the way and you will make me so proud, proud like any father would be" she could actually see him getting choked up about this, he was absolutely out of his mind and that was a terrifying thing."but first things first" he stood abruptly and she was glad he was no longer touching him..."take off your clothes" he said calmly as she looked at him.."You didnt think i was going to let you off with teaching you a lesson in respect did you" he grinned as she wrapped her arms across her chest.."take them off NOW!" he barked at her and she jumped in fear as he grabbed her arm and dragged her to the edge of the bed..

"Please i just want to see" she began and his hand came to her throat now as he literally pushed her back into the wall, she began to choke and cough as he cut off her air supply..

"You do as i say or i sell her to the highest bidder right now" his words spoke of truth and he let up on her throat as she began coughing violently now as he held her against the wall.."Now get undressed, slowly" he let go of her and she nearly fell to her knees as she tried to catch her breath.."i dont have all day" he said impatiently, she could barely regain her composure as she picked her head up.."I will count to three" he began and she tried to find her happy place, if she just did this for him, just this then she was that much closer to seeing Emma.."One" he stared coldly at her.."two" her hands shook and then she reached for her shirt and pulled it from her body as he stepped back, enjoying the show..

John had charmed his way into a speed boat, the fact that he flashed his badge helped a bit too as he began moving across the water, he had also called his boss in AC and updated him on what had occurred..

"i can have men out on the water in an hour" his boss spoke as John paced the docks..

"an hour is too long, im heading there now" john began much to the disapproval of his boss..

"this is incredibly dangerous and risky McBain, you will be putting too many lives on the line here" the anger in his boss's voice was apparent..

"two lives are already in danger and an hour is too much time" he said seriously..

"what exactlly is going on with you and Detective Buchanan?, You did a case together years ago, this isnt what i expect from you McBain"

"its complicated but netherless im going out there and it would be nice to have back up even if it is an hour away"

"Were going on a hunch here, we dont even know if that is him out there,...i hope you know what your doing McBain cause this could definitely turn out for the worst"

"Yeah well im gonna get there and prevent that"

The boat seemed further and further away as John flew in the water, his mind on Emma, his daughter and on Natalie, the thought that Carlo had them both made him feel sick, he knew Natalie could handle her own and he also knew she would protect Emma with her life but he didnt want it to come down to that, the sight of another boat caught his attention, it was a row boat and upon further investigation he saw it held two men, they were coming from the direction of the boat he was chasing, he couldnt help but let curiousity get the best of him, was this the two assholes from earlier, he sped over to them, his boat causing a bunch of waves to crash into their tiny row boat, one of the men yelled out..

"hey Asshole watch where you are going!" he yelled as John pulled close to them, he inspected both of the apparently now drunken men..

"you got a problem buddy" one of the guys stood up and looked at him..

"wondering if one of you is named Roy by any chance" John felt his blood already starting to boil as he looked at these two guys but he kept his cool..

The guy who was sitting now stood.."who the fuck wants to know" was all john had to hear as he drew his gun and aimed..."woo hold on buddy"

"Jesus man, do you have something against the name" the other guy called out as he reached down and John fired at him, hitting his hand as the guy screamed out in pain, his fingers blown off..The guy screamed in agony as Roy looked at John with wide eyes and then he was jumping in the water.. John looked back at the guy who was now laying in a pool of his own blood screaming and crying as he held his hand, John took aim again but this time he shot into the bottom of the boat as the guy jumped..

The guy looked relieved not to have another bullet hole in him but then he looked down at the water now rushing into the boat, John quickly brought his attention to the pathetic attempt of Roy swimming away as the other guy tried to cover the hole in the boat as he screamed and wailed..

John moved his boat slowly towards the frantically swimming man who was now screaming for help but it was useless, the shore was so far away no one could be able to hear him, he pulled up along side the frantic man, amusement on his face as the guy tried to get away, John leaned down and grabbed a handful of hair, pulling the guy against his boat as he screamed out in pain, he knelt down to him..

"I hope carlo paid you nice" John said through gritted teeth as the guy began to beg for his life...

"Please please...i have a wife and kid at home ok...it was just a job" Roy began to cry like a bitch and John smiled as another scream was heard, it was coming from the other row boat which was quickly sinking..

"there's fucking sharks over here" the guy yelled out as his blood mixed with the water in the boat, seeping into the bay, John grinned as the other guys eyes got wide..

"Listen listen i will do whatever you want" the guy began to say as John held him by the hair still..

"You know i have a family too, and you helped to put them on that boat" he smiled but there was nothing but vengence in his eyes..

"Im so sorry, i didnt mean ...i...i needed the money" the guy began to cry and John pulled him onto the boat as the guy gasped for air, shaking he looked at john.."thank you man...it was a mistake, everyone makes mistakes" the guy began to babble as he looked back at his friend in the row boat, fins were apparent in the area and he felt relieved to be on this boat..

"Your right everyone does make mistakes" John began as the guy stood and began ringing out his clothes..He watched him for a second and then pointed his gun at the man, it took the guy a second to see what was happening..

"wait...but you...you pulled me out of the water" the guy began to plead again as John grinned..

"I have bad aim in the water" John shrugged his shoulders and then shot the man in his left leg, then his right as he screamed out, before he could fall onto the boat John pushed him roughly back in the water`.."if you swin really fast you may be able to get to shore with a few limbs left" John said to him and then he revved the engine on the boat and took off, the row boat was nearly submerged now as he went past it, the wave from his boat did the job and as he got about a hundred feet away he heard a blood curdling scream, followed by another but he kept going,getting that much closer to the boat in question..

Carlo undid the handcuffs as Natalie fell to the ground on her knees sobbing hysterically, her skin burned and ached where he had whipped her, she didnt think he was ever going to stop and at some point she knew she had passed out but he had abruptly woke her back up only to continue his torture..

"Get up and get dressed, there isnt time for this childish crap" he said as he stood there covered in sweat, his adrenaline pumping from the experience he had just had, he knelt down to her.."lets make this a warning for the future, shall we" he smiled and then kissed her forehead.."dinner will be ready soon, so get ready" he said as he left the room and she could hear him locking it as she curled up on the floor crying, this was an absolute nightmare!

After another minute of completely breaking down she quickly got up and began getting dressed, Carlo had picked out a black cocktail dress for her to wear, it had a very low plunging neck line and rested just above her knee, he had made sure to tell her that nothing else would be worn under it, she felt dirty as she slipped the dress on, her body bruised and hurting but she thought of Emma, it was the only thing that was going to get her through, she moved to the mirror and glanced at it, shocked at what she saw, she almost cried..

Her cheek held a welt from where he had slapped her so hard, her lip was split and dried blood was on it now, whip marks covered her arms and legs, she desperately wanted to cover her body up, scared for Emma to see her mother looking this way, she pulled her hair back in a pony tail as instructed, she had to keep telling herself to keep it together and then her mind wandered to John, she should of said something to him, anything cause now he would never find her and she had no idea what her fate held in store for her..

The sound of the door opening made her stiffen as she stood there but it wasnt Carlo at all, it was a younger man, he had short blonde hair, not a stitch of hair on his face, green eyes and dressed in a very expensive suit, she hadnt seen him before...He seemed a bit shocked as he took in the sight of her, he didnt look any older than her, she saw something pass through his eyes, he almost looked concerned, she could possibly use this for her best interest..

"Hi" she said low..

"Im suppose to bring you to see your little girl" he said as he watched her cautiously..

Natalie felt her heart leap in her throat as she stood there.."whats your name" she asked softly..

"brent" he ushered her out of the room, he was being surprisingly gentle with her..

"Have you met her, my little girl" Natalie could barely keep it together as she walked with this young guy..

"she cries alot" he said as he walked and it tore at natalie's heart as they walked.."I took care of her while you were gone" he continued as they walked..

"Is she..is she ok" she felt sick as she stopped in the hall, she didnt know this guy from a hole in the wall even if he was being nice she couldnt stand the thought of anyone taking care of her daughter.

He spun and looked at her, he seemed irritated by her question.."Im not some kind of freak lady, i dont care what kind of arrangement you and Carlo have" he seemed disgusted with her as if she was a willing participant.."lets go" he took her arm now and lead her down the hall...

"its not what you think it is" she whispered, very much aware that there was cameras everywhere..

"oh i know exactlly what this is" he said with a shake of his head as they neared a door, she could hear Emma crying and her stomach dropped as he opened the door and there she was in a crib, standing against the bars, the room was a nicely decorated nursery.. Emma looked at her with wide eyes, at first she seemed confused and then she began yelling, Mama.. Mama as Natalie ran over to her, scooping her daughter up as she hugged her tight..

She cried as she held Emma, the guy watched for a second then closed the door, Natalie didnt even care when she heard it lock, all she knew was that she had Emma in her arms and that she was safe, that was all that mattered, she began crying hysterially as she sat on the ground, Emma in her lap as she hugged her tight..

John had cut the engine to the boat as he neared the large one, he tried to find the best place to gain entry and he saw it on the side where a ladder was attached to the side of the large boat, he dove into the water, not caring about his gun which would be useless at this point and he swam for the boat..

Once Natalie finally calmed herself she checked over Emma, besides the fact that Emma looked scared, well physically she couldnt see anything wrong, she was dressed in a designer romper and her hair was done, apparently that guy Brent had taken care of her..

Emma seem to relax once natalie entered and soon she was trying to get away to play with the numerous toys on the floor without a care in the world as Natalie got up and looked around the room, Carlo had been planning this for awhile, there was even pictures of Natalie and Emma on the walls, he had been having someone follow her, the idea freaked her out as she stared at pictures, Emma continued to play and she went over to the small round window, she wanted to jump out of it but she couldnt do it with Emma and she sure as hell wasnt going to leave her daughter behind and take matters in her own hand, no..she wasnt stupid, she would have to obey by Carlo's rules and hope that he would slip up somehow, that someone would find them before it was too late..

Meanwhile on the front of the boat one of Carlo's security guards did his routine walk, his feet hit something wet and he looked down, shining his flash light as the puddle of water on the ground, his flash light followed the water, footsteps, he grabbed his walky talky and was just about to speak into it when he was grabbed from behind and his neck immediately snapped as his lifeless body fell back and was dragged to a darken corner of the boat..

Natalie watched as Emma played on the ground, she desperately tried to hold it together for her daughter who kept talking about mama's boo boo's as she pointed at natalie's face, Natalie would just smile and say that silly mommy fell down, she was scared to death about what would happen to them, and it was only made worst by the sound of the door being opened, she ran over to Emma and scooped her up quickly..

Carlo entered with a grin as Natalie held Emma close.."Now this is a sweet moment" he smiled as he entered the room, holding out a cookie for Emma.."you want a cookie sweetie?" he asked and the little girl went nuts with excitement, natalie stepped back some with Emma..

"she shouldnt ruin her appetite" natalie said with a shaky voice as Emma began to fidget, desperately wanting to get down and get that cookie..

" I dont have to remind you again do i, who is in charge here" he grinned at her as he stepped closer.."give her to me"

"Please" natalie began to cry as she held Emma tighter..

"mama ookie..ookie" Emma called out..

"Exactlly sweetie, mommy is just being silly" Carlo said with a deadly serious glare to Natalie.."you really dont want me to teach you a lesson in front of Emma, do you?" he stepped even closer..

Natalie felt the tears falling down her cheeks and he took Emma from her, all Emma cared about was the cookie as she ate it and cooed with excitement..

"see now she is a good girl" he smiled as he kissed the little girls forehead, Natalie could barely keep herself together.."shall we go, dinner is ready" he held out his hand to natalie and she took it as her body trembled and she cried silently.."if you keep up this good behaviour i will definitely make tonight memorable for you in everyway possible" he grinned as he leaned over and kissed her cheek as he lead her down the hall..

On the deck though another guard was coming around, he saw the flashlight laying on the ground and sighed as he picked it up.."Hey Joey stop fucking around ok, its cold out here" the guy began to say as he walked and then stepped in the same puddle of water, he glanced down..."what the hell is this" he began to say but immediately he was grabbed from behind, a gun roughly shoved on his neck..

"if you make a sound i wont hesitate to pull the trigger" John breathed in his ear as the guy stood still, stiff with fear actually.."where are they" John gritted his teeth as he spoke..

"man i dont know what your talking" the guy began and John cocked back the gun.."ok ok... the girl and the kid, right" the guy said nervously..

"dont fuck with me, where are they" John continued to keep his voice low but his intentions were very much clear..

"dinner, they should all be eating dinner" he said with a shaky voice..

John jammed the gun into the guys neck even harder and he winced out in pain.."where" his grip got tighter on the guy...

"ummmm the main hall, its on the lower level" the guy began to say, John loosened his grip for a second and it was just the access the guy needed cause in one move he was swinging John forward as the gun flew from his hand and he hit his back into the railing with a thud, the pain shot up his spine as the guy charged for him and he moved just in time to land a swift kick in the guys ribs and he fell back..

"you shouldnt of done that" John said as he saw red and he walked up to the guy but the guy was faster and he grabbed Johns leg, pulling him down on the ground as the two of them began to wrestle and throw punches, John eventually ended on top of the guy and with one swift move he head butted him as the mans head fell back on the boat, for a second he was dizzy and out of it as he tried to stand,he had to shake his head to clear his vision and when he did that he saw the blunt end of a gun come at him quick and then everything went black..

Carlo had ushered natalie into a large dining room, he continued to hold Emma and play with her, it made natalie sick, Emma didnt know better, she didnt know he was a bad man..

He pointed for Natalie take a seat as he played with Emma some more, natalie felt sick to her stomach as she sat and he played with her daughter, then he placed her next to him in a highchair, she hated that she was so far from Emma again but he looked incredibly pleased as he walked over to her..

"I dont think i got to mention that you look beautiful" he ran his hand over her arm and she cringed as she sat there staring at Emma...He leaned down into her ear.."tonight im going to make you mine in every sense of the word" he whispered and then kissed her cheek, commotion could be heard outside the door and he spun quickly, he seemed annoyed as he walked over and swung open the doors angrily about to give his men hell but before he could he took in the sight of the guy they had in their hands, a very beatened John McBain..

It took natalie a second before she saw him and she couldnt help the gasp that left her lips, it was John, he was beatened and barely standing but his eyes locked with hers and she barely held it together..


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter Twenty Four

Carlo's eys lit up as he looked at John, his smile was wide as can be.."its not even my birthday" he smiled up at his men as he roughly pulled Johns head up so he could look him in the eyes..

"he was alone, i dont know how he knew" one of the guys said as carlo looked at them and then he grinned at his other man who was pretty badly beaten too..

"well it looks like Craig got to you just in time" carlo laughed at the man..

"he took me off guard" the man said defensively and he kicked John in the ribs as he groaned in pain, natalie jumped up now as Carlo spun and looked at her..

"Sit back down, dont make me tell you twice" he warned her and she looked at John and then quickly sat down.."well come on help me here, it looks like we will have a dinner guest" Carlo said as his men roughly yanked john to his feet and carlo looked at him, John didnt say anything he just glared at the man.."try anything and they will both be dead before they knew what happened" he threatened him and then smiled.."you look starved, come"

Emma began to bounce in her chair some as she ate the cheerio's in front of her, John examined the room slowly, looking at her, he felt relieved she was ok, he could barely look at natalie, she had tears streaking down her cheek and she looked frightened..

Carlo's men lead him over to a chair and pushed him in it, he was a few feet away from Natalie and Emma was right next to Carlo..

"You guys can take the rest of the night off, the agent here wont be any trouble" Carlo smiled big at his men and then at John as he placed a gun in front of his plate as he took a seat, he leaned over and kissed Emma's cheek as he stared at John.."My daughter is beautiful, isnt she agent"

John didnt say anything as he sat there, just glaring at the man who dared to put his lips on his daughter..

"Thats quite alright agent, you wish to give me the silent treatment" carlo reached for his fork as natalie glanced at John, he was just staring at carlo, a look in his eyes she had never seen before.."lets eat shall we" he began as two large doors opened and a few waiters came in with platters of food.

Once the food was on the table and they each had a plate before them carlo smiled.."now dont be rude little one, eat" he began as he smiled at John.."you need to get your energy up for tonight" he flashed a sarcastic smile at john.."agent dont be rude..i know your probably starving and well lets face it, it will be your last meal" he grinned as he began to eat and John just sat there..

Carlo slammed his fist on the table when natalie looked to john..she looked back at Carlo and quickly began stuffing food in her mouth as Emma played with her food without a care in the world..

"I have to give you credit Agent" Carlo began as he ate and looked at John, Natalie was staring at the knife next to her plate as carlo and john stared each other .."Im quite amused that you found me, i mean hell it makes it alot easier" he grinned.."come on you must want to say something to me" carlo smiled bigger..

John wiped the blood from his lip as he sat there.."fuck you" he said to the man and carlo's eyes got wide...

"Now agent there is a child present" Carlo stood now angrily..

Natalie looked to John quick for a second and then grabbed the knife, plunging it swiftly into carlo's hand as John jumped up..Carlo yelled out as the knife went through his entire hand, locking him to the table..

"get emma and go" he yelled as he ran to carlo..

"You fucking bitch" Carlo yelled as he removed the knife from his hand as natalie ran to emma, grabbing her from the highchair as John reached carlo just as the knife came out, he launched it at Natalie but she flew to the ground with emma, the knife barely missing her as emma screamed out in fear.

John tackled Carlo to the floor as plates crashed around them onto the ground, natalie scrambled to her feet with emma, she was unhurt but definitely shaken by the experience as she cried and natalie tried to calm her, she could hear loud voices coming down the hall and she quickly locked the door as pounding was heard..

John had gotten a few good punches in before carlo kneed him in the groin and he fell to the side.."Natalie Go...hide" John yelled out as Carlo began to get to his feet, reaching for the gun as Natalie took off running through a set of double dooors that led into the kitchen, she heard a gun shot go off and she screamed as she ran past the staff who looked shocked themselves..She barrled up some stairs and quickly into a room, she locked it fast as she breathed heavy, another shot went off and she covered emma as the child cried..

John stumbled back as the second bullet hit his shoulder, carlo was laughing now as John let out a roar and charged for the man, he had his gun pointed at john and he fired but nothing happened, it was jammed, John slammed him to the ground as the door busted open now and John spun his head, he was immediately greeted by the coastguard and the lanview police department, a man ran in with them..

"it was him..thats the guy" Brent yelled out as he pointed to Carlo, Carlo looked stunned as he looked at the guy he had trusted, had he known the kid had a damn conscience he would of never brought him aboard the boat, he glared at the kid as John punched him square in the cheek, making blood splatter from his mouth..

"thats enough, step away from the man agent mcbain" an officer yelled.."we have it under control now"

John wanted to beat him into the ground but his thoughts immediately went to Natalie and Emma as he shot up, he kicked Carlo one more time for good measure.."there's more guards on the boat" john said to the officer..

"we already have two of them taken down" he said as John ran to the same double doors he saw Natalie take off to, he raced up the stairs, he could hear emma crying as he ran down the hall, he stopped at a door and pounded on it..

"Natalie its me...Natalie open up" he said almost frantically..

When she heard the pounding her heart immediately began racing as tears fell down her cheeks, she had heard the gun shots, she feared the worst then she heard his voice, his sweet yet frantic voice calling to her and she thought she was dreaming, but then she heard it again and she looked to the door, now running to it she opened it with a shaky hand and there he was..

He almost took them all to the ground as he grabbed hold of her and emma, hugging them as hard as he could, Natalie was hysterical now as she cried, he had done it, he had saved them..

"its ok...its gonna be ok now" he said as he held them and emma wailed even louder as tears coursed down her cheeks, she looked absolutely frightened and he picked her up and put her against his chest.."Its ok baby, no one is going to hurt you, not ever" he held his daughter and tears filled his eyes as Natalie watched..Emma seem to calm down a little bit even though she was still crying..

Natalie watched with tears as John held his daughter, he was trying to hold it together but failing miserably as he looked into Emma's blue eyes, Natalie smiled through tears and then her eyes caught something by the door and she screamed out..

"John...look out" she yelled as carlo lunged at him, knife in hand as it pierced Johns side and he jerked forward, almost dropping emma as natalie ran to him and grabbed the child as John spun around, the knife still in his side, he let out a yell as he pulled it from his flesh as Carlo looked at him shocked and then john pushed him in the hall, natalie heard rustling going on and then it got quiet, dead quiet as she hid on the side of the bed with Emma screaming again..

John stood over the now bleeding body of Carlo, the knife plunged in his neck as he gasped for air, a few police officers ran over, apparently carlo had over taken the two in the room, John backed up, it was over, finally and truly over..

The officers dropped to the ground where carlo was, he was quickly dying, one of the men began to do CPR, John pushed him aside.."dont you even think about it" he said as the cop looked at him with shock, the other cop looked at John then at the officer on the ground..

"come on" the officer said as he grabbed his friends arm.."he is already dead there is nothing you can do" a gasping carlo looked at them..

John looked at the men then at Carlo..His breathing got shallow as they all stood around him and then with a few short breaths his body went limp and john turned from the cops and back in the room where he saw Natalie and emma in the corner, they looked absolutely frightened..

"its over...for good" he said as he looked at natalie and she knew what that meant, she could see it in his eyes, relief washed over her as she began walking over but he fell to his knees before she reached him and thats when she noticed all the blood on him, not only from the knife wound but from a gun shot to the shoulder..

"Oh my god John...help somebody help us" she screamed as she knelt down to him..

"My girls" he said with a smile as he fell onto his side...

************* Four Days Later*************

Natalie stood nervously in the kitchen, everything was done and on the table, John was being released from the hospital today and she felt anxiety course through her, it had been quite the whirlwind of events, for a moment there she thought she was going to lose him forever and those emotions immediately got leaked to her family as they got to the hospital to see her and Emma..

Natalie had been beyond stricken with grief, John was air lifted right from the boat to Lanview University Hospital and the whole way there all she kept thinking was if he didnt make it then she would never be able to tell him that she loved him but oddly enough it hadnt come as a huge surprise to her family cause apparently after she had taken off from the police station and John went on the hunt for her, her uncle had immediately called her parents and let them know that she was gone, they also knew that John was looking for her, they seem to all take it well, he had risked his life to save her and Emma, literally risked his life.

Natalie still bore the scars of that day though, she made sure to keep her skin covered, they didnt hurt anymore and she was more at ease knowing that Carlo was good and dead, they would never have to worry about him again, Gigi had surprised her though with kind words in regards to John..

"he went above and beyond to get to you and emma, i couldnt think of a better guy" she said with tears to Natalie while they were in the hospital.."emma isnt even his and he put his life on the line for both of you, thats true love" Gigi had said as she hugged Natalie who just smiled through tears and didnt say a word back..

But John had pulled through, she was there when he had gotten out of surgery, she got to hold his hand, she told him she loved him and that she would be waiting for him when he woke up, and thats just what she had done, her mother had taken Emma home with her and natalie sat vigil at his bedside, waiting to see those blue eyes look back at her and then nearly an entire day since the incident on the boat, she got her wish...

"hey" he said as she began nodding off, immediately awoken by his voice, her heart raced as she jumped from her seat and over to his bed..

"hey" she smiled as he reached out for her hand..."are you hurting?" she asked with concern as he held her hand, a smile on his drowsy face..

"No...good pain meds" he said with a thick voice as he pulled her closer to him, so now she was sitting on the bed next to him.."are you ok, is emma?" he asked low as tears ran down Natalie's face..

"she's wonderful...you saved us John..." she said with tears..

His eyes darted to her lip, it was still split, he reached his hand up to it and touched it lightly.."I wish i could of came sooner" he said honestly..

"im just glad you came when you did" tears flowed down her face.."i didnt think i would see you again"

He grinned a little.."just a scratch, thats all, you should see the other guy"

She touched his face, his nose had been broken and it left him with two big black eyes, a couple scrapes and cuts on his face but he was alive, thats all that mattered, he survived a beating, bruised ribs, a gun shot wound and was stabbed, he looked pretty damn good considering..

"i can get emma for you" she said as she went to stand but he pulled her back down..

"I know she is safe,...dont let her see me like this, it'll scare her plus the hospital is full of germs" he began and she smiled..

"You sound like you know what your talking about" she brushed a piece of his hair back from his eyes..

"Im a dad now, i kind of got to know these things" he grinned at her.."who else is gonna look out for the kiddo"

"were lucky she was so young, the doctor said that once she gets back to her things, her toys, well it will be like it never happened" natalie felt grateful for that, she didnt want emma to suffer with nightmares..

"she's a strong little girl, like her mom" he brought her hand to his mouth and kissed it softly.."I love you Natalie"

"i love you too john" she said with tears as she hugged him...

The sound of the doorbell ringing got her attention and she jumped some, he was there, she felt like a nervous school girl as she walked into the livingroom where Emma watched her favorite tv show without a care in the world..

She took a deep breath and opened the door, there he was dressed in a blue button down silk shirt, black slacks, his hair pulled back in a pony tail, just light bruising on his eyes now, he looked wonderful and his hands were full, one had the largest bouquet of roses she had ever seen and the other was a large wrapped box..

"John you didnt have to" she began as he stood there..

"i never do what i have to, i do what i want" he grinned and she smiled.."so can i come in?"

Natalie nervously stepped aside.."of course" she was too busy admiring all his beauty..

He stepped in and immediately saw her, Emma on the floor, she was playing with some toys as her eyes stayed locked on the tv, he couldnt believe how much she looked like natalie..

"God she is beautiful" he said honestly as he came inside..

"I know, we made a beautiful girl" Natalie said as he turned to her...

"you probably want to put these in water" he handed her the huge bouqet and it nearly weighed her down.."ok so i may of gone a little overboard" he grinned as she struggled with the flowers..

"Yeah let me get these in water" she laughed as she brought them into the kitchen and John held the box in his hand and then walked over to Emma, he actually felt nervous, very nervous being this close to her now, it took her a second to notice he was there and she jumped slightly as her eyes got wide..

"hey do you remember me" he asked as he put the box down and knelt to her level, she just stared at him with wide curious eyes.."I have something for you sweetie, and we gotta kind of open it now before your mother sees it" he said with a devilish smile as he put the box in front of emma, her eyes got even bigger as she looked at the wrapping paper and bow..The box moved a bit and she jumped some.."we should probably open it now" he said as a tiny bark was heard and Emma jumped again, this time standing quickly on two wobbly feet..She looked completely confused at the box then another yap was heard and she looked at John..

"woof" she said to him and he smiled big and took the top off the box and a little black puppy head popped out.."woof...woof" Emma said with her hands clapping as the puppy looked at her..

"now you have your own woof woof , pumpkin" he said as the puppy jumped out of the box and began smelling things and Emma squealed in delight..

Natalie had heard the commotion as she tried to get the flowers into vases, she was already on vase number six, but then she heard something, Emma's squeal and she just had to see what had her so excited and she moved from the kitchen and her eyes got wide as a small black puppy ran circles around a laughing emma..

"Oh my god you got her a dog" she said with shock as John looked at her, he stepped behind emma and pointed...

"it was her idea i swear" he said innocently..

"mama look, woof" Emma said with excitement as she chased the dog around the room..

"a dog, do you even understand how much work a dog is Mr. Mcbain" she said playfully even though she was a bit overwhelmed with the idea..

"cant be as hard as it is to deal with me, and youve kept me around" he said as he walked over to her..

"you know just cause you come here looking dashingly handsome with flowers, doesnt mean your off the hook with the dog" she said as she stood there..

He moved his hand to her face.."ive been known to be persuasive" he grinned as his lips collided on hers for a few short seconds, it was short lived cause he felt tugging on his leg and he looked down; it was the puppy biting his pants leg.."hey pup we had a deal, your ruining my game"

"woof woof silly" Emma laughed and natalie shook her head at him..

"serves you right, i hope those pants arent expensive" Natalie laughed as she walked into the kitchen and he tried to get the dog off of him but apparently it thought he was playing and it continued to nip at his pants, Emma laughed hysterically..

After they had all eaten dinner Emma had fallen asleep on the couch, Mr. Piddles as Natalie named him was fast asleep as well, his head resting on Emma's legs, they had become fast friends and quickly wore each other out, natalie had began cleaning up the kitchen as John watched his daughter sleeping, he couldnt believe how much energy she had, he was exhausted as well..

Natalie put the final cup in the cabinet and sighed, today was perfect, absolutely perfect, she had never thought it would be like this, they were like a real family, she made her way back in the livingroom and saw that Emma wasnt there, she heard Johns voice down the hall and she walked slowly, following his voice, she stopped at Emma's door and saw him standing by her crib, she was asleep in his arms as he rocked her tiny body..

"you have no idea how much you mean to me, but im going to show you each and every day, i promise" he said as he kissed her tiny head and then placed her in the crib, he pulled the blanket over her body.."i love you Em" he said softly and then turned for the door, Natalie was there and he turned a bit red as he looked at her.."you heard all of that?" he said with slight embarassment as he walked to her..

"just the tail end, but it was beautiful" she said honestly, she had never imagined he would be like this with a child but he was more than she could of asked for..

"i think your beautiful" he pushed a piece of her hair back and then closed in the distance between them..

"do you want to spend the night" she said softly and he grinned..

"hmmmm, i dont know let me think about it" he pulled her against his body and she groaned when she felt how ready he was for her.."does it feel like i want to spend the night" he rasped in her ear and then kissed her neck, she couldnt think for a moment as his lips touched her skin.."its been too long" he said against her lips..

"way too long" she finished as her lips collided with his in a heated kiss that had him pinning her against the hallway wall..

"you know i think i could definitely get use to this" he grinned as he scooped her up and carried her off to the bedroom..

**The end for now, i may quite possibly come back to this later but before i get myself too in over my head and leave you all unsatisfied i should stop for now, LOL.. I really appreciate all the reviews, i love writting for you all and i really enjoyed this one.. You all rock!**


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